I am the Original Poster of this issue and your first sentence is exactly correct. There were a chain of events that could have ended up with me dead and I am not going to dive again until I work it out.
I was basically too shy to insist on safety because I was on my own and was embarrassed to take control. There were other issues too. The dive master was cavalier and I was too stupid to check my equipment.
Never again.
I came back into this forum today because I honestly think I couldn't think about it until now.
Had one more thing gone wrong I may have drowned. I am astonished I didn't panic
Try not to over-think the scenario. It happened. Good lessons were learnt.
As per Friedrich Nietzsche's famous quote "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
You may be more aware of the dangers now, but that makes you a better, safer diver than you were before. I'm always happy to dive with a cautious, risk-aware diver, who percieves their limitations. I only get worried by divers who blindly assume that nothing could go wrong, or who feel they could easily deal with anything that went wrong.
Ignorance, complacency and arrogance are bad traits in a diver. You show none of these.
I
guarantee that all of the experienced divers on this thread had their share of incidents as they developed. Those divers that continue to push their comfort zones still have incidents that we learn from.
Don't let this deter you from diving. It's part of the process. We learn from our mistakes. Novice divers are
expected to make mistakes.... that is why the agencies and instructors recommend certain limits (depth/time/overhead etc) to their diving.
Don't worry too much that you "could have drowned". That realisation lies at the end of
every potential accident chain analysis in scuba diving.
For a recreational scuba diver, who adheres to the recommended limits and dives conservatively... there are a
lot of 'links' in the accident chain that separate you from death or injury. The system and recommended limits are
designed to put many 'links' into the chain. If any of those links are broken, then the chain is broken and the diver is safe. You'd need to get
really really unlucky to see any accident chain progress to a lethal end.
Not panicking is the key to breaking the chain.... you didn't. That's a good sign.
Dive safe...don't stop diving