Living your life the D.I.R. way
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The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
Hey all,
So, are you telling me this is the perfect time to crack on ol' Lizzard Lips BEFORE he finds out and has a chance to defend himself??? Naw, we wouldn't do that...
So, how many IDs does it take to screw in a light bulb???
:tease:
So, are you telling me this is the perfect time to crack on ol' Lizzard Lips BEFORE he finds out and has a chance to defend himself??? Naw, we wouldn't do that...
So, how many IDs does it take to screw in a light bulb???
:tease:
Uh oh! I'm kinda torn between protecting a buddy while he's got his back turned and having a good time at his expense... oh what the heck? How many Pete?!? 
The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
Well...
To the question... How many IDs does it take to change a light bulb???
I guess ID doesn't matter..
But only ID you dive wID backups...
some are big, but some are wIDdle...
What dID you expect???
Gives one time to ponder the origin of the word IDiot...
or IDolotry
or the state... IDiana
I think I got a code... wID da way I'm talkin'...
(Sorry, Don, ID was the best I could do off the cuff... and I may point out that MARIO put me up to it!)
:tease:
ps... thanks for the out, Mario...
To the question... How many IDs does it take to change a light bulb???
I guess ID doesn't matter..
But only ID you dive wID backups...
some are big, but some are wIDdle...
What dID you expect???
Gives one time to ponder the origin of the word IDiot...
or IDolotry
or the state... IDiana
I think I got a code... wID da way I'm talkin'...
(Sorry, Don, ID was the best I could do off the cuff... and I may point out that MARIO put me up to it!)
:tease:
ps... thanks for the out, Mario...
The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
You know as I was in bed last night just drifting off to sleep, I was hit by a thought (no, they are not that common...)(and I agree, they are never very good!)
It's kinda sad that Iguana Don does NOT live in Australia...
Just think, when ever we go to visit him we could all sing...
"We're off to see the Lizzard, the wonderful Lizzard of Oz"
:tease:
It's kinda sad that Iguana Don does NOT live in Australia...
Just think, when ever we go to visit him we could all sing...
"We're off to see the Lizzard, the wonderful Lizzard of Oz"
:tease:
OP
scubakat
Senior Member
Hmmm... that would put the GasMan & the Iguana in the same hemisphere. Come to think of it, the G-man has been rather quiet lately too. Maybe they are cookin' something up together? That's a scary prospect!
-kate
-kate
Ark! Maybe the Gasman and the Iguana Man are the same person! *dun dun dunnnnnn Kinda like Michael and Janet Jackson, or RuPaul and Dennis Rodman! LOL
TexasMike
Contributor
Well, If I have my way, and "The Wonder Lizzard" shows up for the big dive the Texas Swampsters are holding in his honor (and it was his idea to do it anyhow!!), I will have photographic proof that he exists and tips on how to recognize him in a crowded dive area (such as look for the duct tape patched rubber dive buddy).
TexasMike
Contributor
(Since we've had a renewal of interest in the DIR style of diving, I'd thought I'd toss this bit of humor in from my archives. I'm not the author of this (wish I was) and unfortuneately I can't find who wrote it or where it was originally posted. My apologies to the original author. But for the rest of you naughty people out there. Enjoy!!!! --TM)
"I converted to DIR about 6 months ago and I have found that the philosophy extends way beyond diving. I think most people tend to view DIR as a gear configuration or diving objective type of thing but it really is a philosophy that you can use in other parts of your life. For instance, below are just some of the ways I've extended the DIR way of doing things into other areas of my life.
Last week some of my buddies came over to my house. Now, not all of them are divers but they do understand the DIR philosophy. So, first off, we all drink the same beer. This avoids any situations where you might be enjoying a lager and accidentally pick up an ale (or the other way around). That can be very uncool. That could quickly lead to a panic situation so we avoid it all together. We also drink only from cans, no bottles. And we never put the beer in the refrigerator. It always goes in the ice chest in my living room. 47% of Drinking Related Incidents (DRI) occur when someone is going to the fridge for another beer so better to be safe than sorry. Of course, this is all rigged up while we're still 100% sober so there's no impaired judgment once things get cooking.
All of us wear a bungee necklace with a full beer on it just in case someone experiences an Out Of Beer (OOB) emergency. I can offer my already opened beer to my buddy and simply reach down and grab the backup off my beer necklace. And, without exception, we always use the 7-foot hose on the beer bong.
Of course, we don't stay in every night so when we do decide to go out we make sure we're still DIR. All of us wear exactly the same clothing:
501's. Bam! Swap pants and I can still complete my objective.
One thing to keep in mind about nightclubs is that you seldom want to penetrate a club on beer. I know, some of the macho jerks do this and brag to all of their buddies. Believe me, it's not DIR. You have to do it on mixed drinks. Obviously the mix will be different on different nights but a good vodka tonic mix is pretty standard. Again, there's a right way and a wrong way to do this. You can't just order any old vodka or depend on some bartender to get the mix right. That's what the strokes do. No, you order Stoli vodka, which has an excellent reputation in the DIR partying community. The correct blend is 2oz Stoli with tonic water poured over ice in a highball glass (lemon or lime optional). I always bring a testing kit with me and if the blend is off, I send it back. It's just not worth the risk and it's not DIR.
So you penetrate the nightclub and you've got a good mix, now it's time to meet the ladies. I should have said this earlier but watch your drink consumption. It's a well-known fact that women look 25% - 30% better in a nightclub and if you get all narced up on vodka tonic, it increases your chances of a coyote ugly blackout. You have to keep your wits about you.
If it's early, you probably have pretty good viz. Later in the evening when the smoke silts up the room it'll be harder to make out the women on the other side of the club so get your headings early. On a few occasions I've had to bust out the wreck reel just to get to the bathroom and back.
If you are lucky enough to hook up with a nice hottie, this is when doing it right really can pay off. Now, let's face it, there's a certain degree of danger involved here that I don't want to downplay. You need to minimize your risks by using the proper equipment. I carry 2 condoms. One I put on my well you know, and the second I put on a bungee that goes around my waist. If there's a malfunction on my primary, I can quickly go to my backup without skipping a beat.
So, as you can see from these pretty basic examples, DIR is not just for diving. It's something you can use in all areas of your life.
"I converted to DIR about 6 months ago and I have found that the philosophy extends way beyond diving. I think most people tend to view DIR as a gear configuration or diving objective type of thing but it really is a philosophy that you can use in other parts of your life. For instance, below are just some of the ways I've extended the DIR way of doing things into other areas of my life.
Last week some of my buddies came over to my house. Now, not all of them are divers but they do understand the DIR philosophy. So, first off, we all drink the same beer. This avoids any situations where you might be enjoying a lager and accidentally pick up an ale (or the other way around). That can be very uncool. That could quickly lead to a panic situation so we avoid it all together. We also drink only from cans, no bottles. And we never put the beer in the refrigerator. It always goes in the ice chest in my living room. 47% of Drinking Related Incidents (DRI) occur when someone is going to the fridge for another beer so better to be safe than sorry. Of course, this is all rigged up while we're still 100% sober so there's no impaired judgment once things get cooking.
All of us wear a bungee necklace with a full beer on it just in case someone experiences an Out Of Beer (OOB) emergency. I can offer my already opened beer to my buddy and simply reach down and grab the backup off my beer necklace. And, without exception, we always use the 7-foot hose on the beer bong.
Of course, we don't stay in every night so when we do decide to go out we make sure we're still DIR. All of us wear exactly the same clothing:
- Levi's 501 Jeans, black (button hole, straight leg)
Gap Black T-shirt
Haynes boxer shorts, black
Gold Toe socks, black
Kenneth Cole shoes, Brad Bitt style
G-Shock watch, black band
Nylon belt, black, with military buckle
Black Leather Jacket (optional, depending on weather conditions)
501's. Bam! Swap pants and I can still complete my objective.
One thing to keep in mind about nightclubs is that you seldom want to penetrate a club on beer. I know, some of the macho jerks do this and brag to all of their buddies. Believe me, it's not DIR. You have to do it on mixed drinks. Obviously the mix will be different on different nights but a good vodka tonic mix is pretty standard. Again, there's a right way and a wrong way to do this. You can't just order any old vodka or depend on some bartender to get the mix right. That's what the strokes do. No, you order Stoli vodka, which has an excellent reputation in the DIR partying community. The correct blend is 2oz Stoli with tonic water poured over ice in a highball glass (lemon or lime optional). I always bring a testing kit with me and if the blend is off, I send it back. It's just not worth the risk and it's not DIR.
So you penetrate the nightclub and you've got a good mix, now it's time to meet the ladies. I should have said this earlier but watch your drink consumption. It's a well-known fact that women look 25% - 30% better in a nightclub and if you get all narced up on vodka tonic, it increases your chances of a coyote ugly blackout. You have to keep your wits about you.
If it's early, you probably have pretty good viz. Later in the evening when the smoke silts up the room it'll be harder to make out the women on the other side of the club so get your headings early. On a few occasions I've had to bust out the wreck reel just to get to the bathroom and back.
If you are lucky enough to hook up with a nice hottie, this is when doing it right really can pay off. Now, let's face it, there's a certain degree of danger involved here that I don't want to downplay. You need to minimize your risks by using the proper equipment. I carry 2 condoms. One I put on my well you know, and the second I put on a bungee that goes around my waist. If there's a malfunction on my primary, I can quickly go to my backup without skipping a beat.
So, as you can see from these pretty basic examples, DIR is not just for diving. It's something you can use in all areas of your life.
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