fookisan
Guest
Numbers play a big part in diving. What about the use of numbers for clarity in other areas of living? An old post on "Living your life by the numbers" Written for a 12 step group
Addicts that have addictions that have to be participated in such as overeating, compulsive spending, clutter, debt, sex addiction, workaholism and time debtors all have to be clear about what is going on with their respective addictions and numbers are the common denominator when it comes to clarity for recovery in these areas. The AA's, GA's, NA's, etc., can generally leave their addiction alone, in the sense that they can abstain from their drug of choice and thus don't need to use numbers to give them guidelines on how much to participate with their respective addiction. So if you do not suffer from addictions that must be participated in on a daily basis, then the rest of his post might not be of much interest to you. Although, numbers can still come into play with all addictions that have a common foundation of H. A. L. T. S., as any addict that suffers from too much stress and problems can be prone to a slip. If an old timer thinks they are immune from slips, then they must not be an addict anymore? Numbers can help give balance to any person that is having trouble finding balance and I use them extensively within my own recovery programs for clarity and to provide guidelines for maintaining comfortable boundaries.
My wife, who is in OA, helped crystallize my thoughts on this subject 4 years ago. We had been doing a work project at our new house and I forgot to wear a watch, so I lost track of the time. Her pattern is to keep working past any sort of normal deadline, neglect to eat, skip as many meals as possible, then sit down exhausted with multiple bowls of junk food. I happened to discover that I was 40 minutes late for lunch and told her we have to quit the work for lunch. She wanted to keep working of course and forget lunch. I'm also in OA and at my goal weight range of 150 to 155 pounds and cannot afford eating in such haphazard ways if I want to maintain my weight loss and peace. This episode sparked the question in me of how can a food addict get any success with their program if they are unwilling to do the simple basics like not overworking so they can have energy to cook a healthy meal or just make time to even eat meals? (AKA HALTS Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired or stressed. I add the "S" for stress awareness.)
As I told her, "it doesn't take a genius to just eat by the clock." This idea reminded me of the old "paint by numbers" painting I did as a kid and I thought to myself how addicts have to live their lives by the numbers with certain addictions if they want any long term success with their recovery. (I am happy to report wife is making progress with changing this habit.) Numerical clarity helps takes the pressure off us when certain boundaries are spelled out by the numbers. Removing "US" from the equation is very important since our best efforts at thinking were a disaster and we need a new way to think and act. This new foundation for addicts is also useful if they suffer from big ego's and your program is ego based instead of truth based. If you missed my earlier post on this subject, write me for a copy. Our ego drives us to perfection and can get us in trouble. It can even tell us to drop out of recovery due to a lack of being 100% perfect. One day an alcoholic told me how he quit AA a few years back since he felt it did not work for him. My first thought when I hear "The 12 steps didn't work for me" is that it's not the program fault - the program never stops working - it is the addict that stops working the program. Each day we have a choice between addiction or recovery, so our path is clear and the only decision is which path do we take?
This addict detailed how he had slipped 4 times over the year he was in AA. When I questioned him a little further he admitted he used to get drunk almost every day before AA. If he had a little numerical clarity on this issue he might have seen that if he only got drunk 4 days out of a conservative 300 days per year that he used to get drunk, that would mean he was 98.667% perfect with his alcohol recovery program. Such perfection and success in any other pursuit would be fantastic - who among us wouldn't like to be 98.6% perfect? Unfortunately, many people do not see their recovery efforts in these terms, they only see it via their ego. Many addicts suffer from tunnel vision and see things in terms of black or white with no shades of gray. They would rather go back and practice their addiction year round and be a 98% failure instead of being 98% perfect or 80% better or even be at peace 60% of the time with their addiction. People base their program on ego instead of truth. Numbers don't lie and numbers speak the truth very clearly...unless you happen to be one of the young gun accountants that cook the books of many public company nowadays. But it is all up to the addict seeing this for themselves - we can never force recovery on another.
I started to become aware of the importance of numbers when I entered Debtors Anonymous in 1986, even though I started in another 12 step program more than a decade earlier. In my life before recovery, my only use for numbers was to chase what I perceived to be the "rich life" and to feed my speculative gambling and compulsive spending addiction. I didn't use numbers to help me get better, I used numbers to further my disease. My goal when entering DA was to get rich and be able to buy anything I wanted to in life. I didn't realize at the time, that just giving a compulsive spender or gambler more money was like giving a drug addict free drugs. Free drugs will not fix the underlying addiction problem. Over time, I saw my problems in life were not due to a lack of money. I had deeper problems that were based in "acceptance." I refused to accept where I was at with my life, always wanting more and was on the endless road of never being satisfied. I also had very little gratitude for what I had. After I got some recovery under my belt, my mantra changed dramatically. From waking up each morning thinking what can I buy next or get drugged up with to make me happy and whole. I now would think, each day my goal is to live within my means, comfortably fit within my space and gratefully accept my current position in life. This treadmill we can be stuck on of always wanting more, never being able to be satisfied and lacking gratitude for what we have can best be expressed in a quote from the book "How To Want What You Have":
"People who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of sensual pleasure find
that the more pleasure they get, the more they want. Small, ordinary
pleasures soon lose their power to please and must be replaced with
more intense or exotic ones. Heedless sensualists usually meet a bad
end. They learn the hard way that their desires are relentless and
insatiable. "
In 1988, at a Los Angeles DA meeting in Westwood, there was a woman that shared how she had never knew she was chewing $890 of gum per year until she started to record her numbers. She said "this was the gift of clarity that recording provided her." Hearing that tidbit at the meeting help change my life to one that seeks out clarity instead of hiding from it. Clarity with addictions that must be participated in on a daily basis is of vital importance, as the division between success and failure is often separated by a fine line. Another important lesson I learned one day was the fact that I could not keep a mantle dusted when it had 20 things on it, but I was able to keep it dusted when it only had 3 things on it. This clued me into accepting and living within my comfortable means. I always tell addicts that complain they do not like to dust the same thing. There is nothing wrong with not liking to dust - but there is something wrong with not liking to dust and having too many things to dust. This also clued me into time limits and when I stretch myself too far, I seem to shut down and backslide. One lady in OA termed this as "the first thing to go are the crudites" When she did not have time to make her raw vegetable to eat, she knew this was a signpost to slow down and relax some.
end of part 1
Addicts that have addictions that have to be participated in such as overeating, compulsive spending, clutter, debt, sex addiction, workaholism and time debtors all have to be clear about what is going on with their respective addictions and numbers are the common denominator when it comes to clarity for recovery in these areas. The AA's, GA's, NA's, etc., can generally leave their addiction alone, in the sense that they can abstain from their drug of choice and thus don't need to use numbers to give them guidelines on how much to participate with their respective addiction. So if you do not suffer from addictions that must be participated in on a daily basis, then the rest of his post might not be of much interest to you. Although, numbers can still come into play with all addictions that have a common foundation of H. A. L. T. S., as any addict that suffers from too much stress and problems can be prone to a slip. If an old timer thinks they are immune from slips, then they must not be an addict anymore? Numbers can help give balance to any person that is having trouble finding balance and I use them extensively within my own recovery programs for clarity and to provide guidelines for maintaining comfortable boundaries.
My wife, who is in OA, helped crystallize my thoughts on this subject 4 years ago. We had been doing a work project at our new house and I forgot to wear a watch, so I lost track of the time. Her pattern is to keep working past any sort of normal deadline, neglect to eat, skip as many meals as possible, then sit down exhausted with multiple bowls of junk food. I happened to discover that I was 40 minutes late for lunch and told her we have to quit the work for lunch. She wanted to keep working of course and forget lunch. I'm also in OA and at my goal weight range of 150 to 155 pounds and cannot afford eating in such haphazard ways if I want to maintain my weight loss and peace. This episode sparked the question in me of how can a food addict get any success with their program if they are unwilling to do the simple basics like not overworking so they can have energy to cook a healthy meal or just make time to even eat meals? (AKA HALTS Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired or stressed. I add the "S" for stress awareness.)
As I told her, "it doesn't take a genius to just eat by the clock." This idea reminded me of the old "paint by numbers" painting I did as a kid and I thought to myself how addicts have to live their lives by the numbers with certain addictions if they want any long term success with their recovery. (I am happy to report wife is making progress with changing this habit.) Numerical clarity helps takes the pressure off us when certain boundaries are spelled out by the numbers. Removing "US" from the equation is very important since our best efforts at thinking were a disaster and we need a new way to think and act. This new foundation for addicts is also useful if they suffer from big ego's and your program is ego based instead of truth based. If you missed my earlier post on this subject, write me for a copy. Our ego drives us to perfection and can get us in trouble. It can even tell us to drop out of recovery due to a lack of being 100% perfect. One day an alcoholic told me how he quit AA a few years back since he felt it did not work for him. My first thought when I hear "The 12 steps didn't work for me" is that it's not the program fault - the program never stops working - it is the addict that stops working the program. Each day we have a choice between addiction or recovery, so our path is clear and the only decision is which path do we take?
This addict detailed how he had slipped 4 times over the year he was in AA. When I questioned him a little further he admitted he used to get drunk almost every day before AA. If he had a little numerical clarity on this issue he might have seen that if he only got drunk 4 days out of a conservative 300 days per year that he used to get drunk, that would mean he was 98.667% perfect with his alcohol recovery program. Such perfection and success in any other pursuit would be fantastic - who among us wouldn't like to be 98.6% perfect? Unfortunately, many people do not see their recovery efforts in these terms, they only see it via their ego. Many addicts suffer from tunnel vision and see things in terms of black or white with no shades of gray. They would rather go back and practice their addiction year round and be a 98% failure instead of being 98% perfect or 80% better or even be at peace 60% of the time with their addiction. People base their program on ego instead of truth. Numbers don't lie and numbers speak the truth very clearly...unless you happen to be one of the young gun accountants that cook the books of many public company nowadays. But it is all up to the addict seeing this for themselves - we can never force recovery on another.
I started to become aware of the importance of numbers when I entered Debtors Anonymous in 1986, even though I started in another 12 step program more than a decade earlier. In my life before recovery, my only use for numbers was to chase what I perceived to be the "rich life" and to feed my speculative gambling and compulsive spending addiction. I didn't use numbers to help me get better, I used numbers to further my disease. My goal when entering DA was to get rich and be able to buy anything I wanted to in life. I didn't realize at the time, that just giving a compulsive spender or gambler more money was like giving a drug addict free drugs. Free drugs will not fix the underlying addiction problem. Over time, I saw my problems in life were not due to a lack of money. I had deeper problems that were based in "acceptance." I refused to accept where I was at with my life, always wanting more and was on the endless road of never being satisfied. I also had very little gratitude for what I had. After I got some recovery under my belt, my mantra changed dramatically. From waking up each morning thinking what can I buy next or get drugged up with to make me happy and whole. I now would think, each day my goal is to live within my means, comfortably fit within my space and gratefully accept my current position in life. This treadmill we can be stuck on of always wanting more, never being able to be satisfied and lacking gratitude for what we have can best be expressed in a quote from the book "How To Want What You Have":
"People who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of sensual pleasure find
that the more pleasure they get, the more they want. Small, ordinary
pleasures soon lose their power to please and must be replaced with
more intense or exotic ones. Heedless sensualists usually meet a bad
end. They learn the hard way that their desires are relentless and
insatiable. "
In 1988, at a Los Angeles DA meeting in Westwood, there was a woman that shared how she had never knew she was chewing $890 of gum per year until she started to record her numbers. She said "this was the gift of clarity that recording provided her." Hearing that tidbit at the meeting help change my life to one that seeks out clarity instead of hiding from it. Clarity with addictions that must be participated in on a daily basis is of vital importance, as the division between success and failure is often separated by a fine line. Another important lesson I learned one day was the fact that I could not keep a mantle dusted when it had 20 things on it, but I was able to keep it dusted when it only had 3 things on it. This clued me into accepting and living within my comfortable means. I always tell addicts that complain they do not like to dust the same thing. There is nothing wrong with not liking to dust - but there is something wrong with not liking to dust and having too many things to dust. This also clued me into time limits and when I stretch myself too far, I seem to shut down and backslide. One lady in OA termed this as "the first thing to go are the crudites" When she did not have time to make her raw vegetable to eat, she knew this was a signpost to slow down and relax some.
end of part 1
