RIDIVER501
Contributor
Q: How can your tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: Their lips are moving.
A: Their lips are moving.
Lies Lies Lies
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H2Andy
Contributor
also, they have nasty little habits, like spelling "their" correctly
a lawyer, a doctor, and a banker are playing golf, and the
group in front of them are just way too slow. after an
agonizing two holes, they call up the manager, who rides
out to them in a little cart.
"sorry," says the manager,"that group in front of you is
made up of Viet Nam veterans, they are blind, and are taking
part in a pilot program to let the blind play golf."
"I am so sorry," says the doctor.
"Gosh, yeah, never mind, we'll wait." says the banker.
"All fine and dandy," says the lawyer, "but why don't you make them play at night?"
a lawyer, a doctor, and a banker are playing golf, and the
group in front of them are just way too slow. after an
agonizing two holes, they call up the manager, who rides
out to them in a little cart.
"sorry," says the manager,"that group in front of you is
made up of Viet Nam veterans, they are blind, and are taking
part in a pilot program to let the blind play golf."
"I am so sorry," says the doctor.
"Gosh, yeah, never mind, we'll wait." says the banker.
"All fine and dandy," says the lawyer, "but why don't you make them play at night?"
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Oh, do we get to pick on the lawyers now?
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with a sense of humor?
A: H2Andy
(Sorry Andy, had to do it...
)
James
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?
A: Senator.
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with a sense of humor?
A: H2Andy
(Sorry Andy, had to do it...
)James
brssmnky
Contributor
When I become a lawyer, I will still tell these jokes. :1poke:
Q: What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of a lake?
A: A good start
Q: How do you save a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your hand off of his head
Q: What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of a lake?
A: A good start
Q: How do you save a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your hand off of his head
H2Andy
Contributor
hey, i like lawyer jokes
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I liked the one about the consultant too, even though, techically, I am one. Though I guess if you're a blonde legal consultant, it's not your week....H2Andy:hey, i like lawyer jokes
What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish!
Joe
One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish!
Joe
OP
RIDIVER501
Contributor
Damn that was a good one.
and thanks I keep messing up that I before E.
and thanks I keep messing up that I before E.
wstein
Contributor
Keep up the lawyer jokes, I am forwarding them to all my lawyer friends. Now I am waiting to see which one sues me first!!!
Paul
Paul
AevnsGrandpa
Contributor
Great ones so far.
Keep them coming. I do IT support work for the legal department of a big corporation with over 200 atorneys!!
Love to pass them along!
Jeff
Keep them coming. I do IT support work for the legal department of a big corporation with over 200 atorneys!!
Love to pass them along!
Jeff
