H2Andy
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:rofl:
Lies Lies Lies
- Thread starter RIDIVER501
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Shouldnt you be off packing your bags or finishing up a few more things for your work before you head off this week, spending your hard-lied-for dirty lawyer cash??? You see crime does pay, the lawyers are raking it in.H2Andy:
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H2Andy,
Patience, combined with a sense of humor, is a true virtue learned by but a few . . .
Patience, combined with a sense of humor, is a true virtue learned by but a few . . .
A lawyer walks into a bar with a duck under his arm and the barman, the barman looks over and says "whats with the pig?"
The lawyer shoots him an annoyed glance and says "its not a pig, its a duck!"
The barman looks back at the lawyer and says "I wasnt talking to you, I was talking the the duck!"
The lawyer shoots him an annoyed glance and says "its not a pig, its a duck!"
The barman looks back at the lawyer and says "I wasnt talking to you, I was talking the the duck!"
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One day a janitor shows up at the pearly gates and requests to be allowed to enter.
St. Peter opens his huge book of good peopla and starts looking for the guys name. After having flipped over a dozen or so pages, he asks the janitor to repeat his name and spell it out.
Again, no such name is in the book. "I'm sorry Mister, but apparently you must some kind of evildoer (Sorry couldn't help myself there) and since you're not in the book, I'll have to ask you to tke the express elevator over there. It's easy, just press the button and it'll take you downstairs in a flash."
"But, dear St. Peter," answered the shocked janitor, "I have done nothing but good and helped a whole lot of people during my lifetime. Surely I deserve better than hell!"
"Sorry, it's the rules. If you're not in the book, I'm not allowed to let you in."
So the janitor takes the elevator and, boom, in a flash he disappears.
One week later, during a break at the big monthly meeting, the Lord takes the Dark One aside and asks him "Luzifer, do you remember receiving a janitor from upstairs last week. It's embarassing, but he was sent down here my a misunderstanding. I'd like to take him up with me."
Luzifer replies, "Well, I'm sorry to say, but that guy installed an aircon and got rid of the nasty fires down here, so we finally have decent temperatures. After that, he installed new lights, so we can actually see, what we're doing AND he got rid of all the contraptions that the people kept hurting themselves on." He laid his hand on the lord's shoulder, "I'm sure you understand, I can't give you this little gem. There's so much more to be fixed around here."
The Lord looked at the Dark One and indeed, he wasn't all that dark anymore, "But surely you understand, he has to come to Heaven, he did nothing but good and really deserves it. I must insist!"
"No, I think I'll keep him," Luzifer replied. "And don't think you can change my mind."
"Well," the Lord replied,"I guess I'll have to take this one to court then and sue you for a release!"
Luzifer smirked, "And just where do you think you'll find a laywer up there?"
St. Peter opens his huge book of good peopla and starts looking for the guys name. After having flipped over a dozen or so pages, he asks the janitor to repeat his name and spell it out.
Again, no such name is in the book. "I'm sorry Mister, but apparently you must some kind of evildoer (Sorry couldn't help myself there) and since you're not in the book, I'll have to ask you to tke the express elevator over there. It's easy, just press the button and it'll take you downstairs in a flash."
"But, dear St. Peter," answered the shocked janitor, "I have done nothing but good and helped a whole lot of people during my lifetime. Surely I deserve better than hell!"
"Sorry, it's the rules. If you're not in the book, I'm not allowed to let you in."
So the janitor takes the elevator and, boom, in a flash he disappears.
One week later, during a break at the big monthly meeting, the Lord takes the Dark One aside and asks him "Luzifer, do you remember receiving a janitor from upstairs last week. It's embarassing, but he was sent down here my a misunderstanding. I'd like to take him up with me."
Luzifer replies, "Well, I'm sorry to say, but that guy installed an aircon and got rid of the nasty fires down here, so we finally have decent temperatures. After that, he installed new lights, so we can actually see, what we're doing AND he got rid of all the contraptions that the people kept hurting themselves on." He laid his hand on the lord's shoulder, "I'm sure you understand, I can't give you this little gem. There's so much more to be fixed around here."
The Lord looked at the Dark One and indeed, he wasn't all that dark anymore, "But surely you understand, he has to come to Heaven, he did nothing but good and really deserves it. I must insist!"
"No, I think I'll keep him," Luzifer replied. "And don't think you can change my mind."
"Well," the Lord replied,"I guess I'll have to take this one to court then and sue you for a release!"
Luzifer smirked, "And just where do you think you'll find a laywer up there?"
