If you are my dive buddy---It is not "me" and I am not talking about "you!"

[ScubaPink]

I am new to diving. I have 14 dives to date. (certified mid August) I never had an issue with breathing under the water. Came natural to me. I have had my mask flood at 65ft, had my reg smacked out of my mouth on my very first ocean dive to 62ft, tank nearly came loose (I know I did not make the strap tight enough) I am sure there were other little caveats but those are the ones I remember. I am not prone to panic under the water. In addition to getting my certification, I read forums like this one (one thing I just learned is that a reg can breathe wet if upside down. I wasn't taught this) I have had to teach myself how to ascend and descend w/o a line and with a computer because I was not taught this either. (Dm was private and did not have new gear w.computers) I have downloaded amazon teaching videos about buoyancy control and other things (Diane Rein "Jumpstart the Divemaster in You", and other titles from her as well as Youtube videos on how to use safety sausages and how to perfect your buoyancy and numerous other things.

I did not take the course with my spouse- his schedule does not allow it nor does he have any interest. I found a dive buddy who had almost one year of certification on me and expressed a genuine interest in diving, diving, and more diving. We have done about 5 dives together. He uses gas very fast. (maybe 25mins at 50-60ft whereas I have gone 46mins at that depth (while diving with someone else) and still have 1200 to spare. He has a nervous demeanor under the water- the smallest issue gets him going. Every time we descend there is about 6 minutes worth of time for him to get down and get himself somewhat horizontal and ready to move forward. I find myself feeling like a (I hate to say this because it sounds so condescending and mean but it aptly describes my experience ) babysitter during our dives. I cannot be specific about the things I have done to help him (because if he ever reads this he would be able to figure out it is me) but lets just say I have even come up with creative ways to get around alot of issues and I am getting a bit resentful of the fact that I have less time to just coast and enjoy the environment serenely which is what I took up diving to do.

Has anyone had similar experiences? We use the same dive shop and I do not want to be known as the person who ditched their buddy. I am a very caring person and I keep thinking about how I would feel if I was the one having issues and my buddy just ditched me.

Finally- I know you can't be sure about how anyone will react if a very serious situation occurred under the water (including yourself) but I am beginning to wonder if, should I need him, would he even have the presence of mind to offer life-saving assistance.

Help....

 

[DevonDiver]

I think it is positive to vary your buddy. You learn more, and stretch your comfort zone, when diving with more experienced/capable divers. That said, I do also believe that diving with less experienced/capable divers teaches some very valuable lessons on situational awareness, responsibility and buddy procedures.

If a single buddy becomes frustrating, make an effort to seek out some more experienced divers who can mentor you. But don't 'abandon' your first buddy at the same time.

 

[Wookie]

You need to have a mentor, not be a mentor. Your buddy needs a divemaster or instructor to show them the ropes. You aren't ready to teach, as you are learning yourself, and have a thirst to learn. See if you can tag along with a more experienced buddy team. Not someone practicing their tech (doubles) skills or their gas switching skills, but maybe a spearing team that will keep an eye on you and give you tips, and take the time to explain the whys and wherefores of what they are doing. Feel free to accept or reject their explainations, as what works for some might not work for all.

It soulds like your buddy needs a DM or instructor and lots of time in the drink. Sounds like maybe the 2 of you aren't exactly compatible.....

 

[Jim Lapenta]

All I can say is wow! And seriously thank you profusely for this thread. I'm sure many have had similar experiences. It is one of the reasons I started diving solo after about 50 dives.

My late wife could not dive due to being in a wheelchair with muscular dystrophy. So most anytime I wanted to dive it was with an insta buddy or an aquaintence. I soon got very choosy about who I would dive with. Outside of classes that is. Started DM after about a year and worked many classes as a DMC then as a DM. It was fun and frustrating at the same time.

In that rarely did I get to dive with people that I felt totally comfortable with. Your concerns about your buddy being able to assist you are perfectly valid and something I see new divers not thinking much about. Mainly because they are not taught the real risks of this activity. The risks are glossed over or made light of so as not to scare people.

Buddy skills are not taught properly if at all. Rescue skills have been taken out of basic OW classes to speed them up and generate more income down the road. So what we have are accidents that have not happened more by dumb luck than anything else.

I'm sure a few people will disagree with me but I don't think you can ignore this any longer. I would have a frank discussion with this person about your concerns in a nice way. It may be the push he needs to improve. If you are finding workarounds to his issues then you are doing him no favors. He is kept in the dark about critical issues that could affect both of your lives. If he is slow to equalize and takes longer to descend that is not a problem. He is showing good judgment and an understanding of his limitations. Smart. If however he is struggling with buoyancy and trim this is a training issue that can be addressed but he needs to know it's an issue to do that.

Now I have been diving since 2004 and an instructor since 2008. There are a handful of people I would dive with under any conditions. Some of those I have trained. Some I have not. My GF is one of the safest and most capable divers I know. I'd do the Doria with her if I could get her into water colder than 50 degrees and depths of 200 feet. No question. She's meticulous in planning, knows her limits, is constantly trying to improve and expand her skills, and is fully capable of assisting me if I needed it.

I just finished an SEI Master Diver class and the student is one I'd trust to the same degree. I have another friend who I've trained and is also one who I'd trust my kids to dive with. There are two GUE trained divers locally I'd not hestitate to get in the water with. I know some of the people on this board that I've not even met that I'd get in the water with. The thing they all have in common in my mind is that they can take care of themselves and if necessary assist me. I really do not want to get in the water with someone who does not have basic rescue skills unless I'm getting paid to do so. I have seen and read too much that it's just not worth it.

And you don't need to be a rescue diver to have those skills. They are all within the capability of the avg OW diver if someone would just take the two hours or so it would take to show them.

My suggestion is for you to find and take a rescue class before you do any more training. Learn about self sufficiency and situational awareness. You do not need any other classes but OW to do this. Some agencies will require other classes but not all. Find one that does not have such rules. And again talk to this person and encourage them to do something to improve their skills. Your life may depend on it.

 

[Akimbo]

Pretty simple. Don’t trust a person? Don’t dive with them.

That trumps resumes, merit badges, or recommendations.

 

[ScubaPink]

If he is slow to equalize and takes longer to descend that is not a problem.

His issues are in the actual descent. He is vertical for about 10-15 feet then he starts to go up - he bends over and gets horizontal and tries to swim down, goes back up vertical and ascends, goes horizontal and swims down....tried to add weight but he sank like a lead balloon- did not get horizontal-landed on his knees, pushed himself off the coral, finned the coral, broke some pieces of it off, clouds of dust, bubbles and kicking over-time- I tried to signal to add air to his bc but he was in too much of a panic to pay attention- I guess he did put air in at some point because he went up, but he went up about 20ft and then went vertical and clearing his mask and i grabbed him finally, when panic was mininal, and brought him down to me. I am over-weighted. I have to control my descent and put some air in my vest before I get to the bottom and make myself horizontal before i get too close to the bottom. I intended to remove some weights to experiment this weekend but I won't tell you why I decided not to. Let's just say I learned I'd be doing a dive that I wasn't comfortable being under-weighted.

 

[btw2459]

I've found a great bunch of people to dive with through divebuddy.com.

 

[TSandM]

Do you get the impression that the person with whom you are diving is happy with how he dives? If so, you may not be able to change anything. We have a friend who has dived with us a few times. His skills aren't very good, and he has both seen us dive and talked to us -- but he says he's happy with how he does things, and he doesn't want to put any time or effort into doing things differently, so he's happy with the status quo.

But if your buddy says things at the end of the dive that indicate he's frustrated or unhappy with how he is diving, you can share some of those many resources you've used with him, and maybe the two of you can go and do some more training together. A lot depends on his attitude, and also how much you enjoy hanging out with this person. Diving is, for many of us, both an underwater and a social activity, and if you have somebody you really like spending time with, it's worth seeing if you can facilitate them becoming a better dive buddy.

If you don't really care, or the person doesn't want to change, then you need different buddies. There are a lot of threads here about finding dive buddies, but local dive clubs, internet forums (like here!), and dive shop referrals are three ways to do it. It's not a bad idea to dive with a variety of people, anyway; you learn something different from each person you dive with, and especially for newer divers, there is still a lot to learn.

 

[Dsix36]

This is not uncommon even in the tech world. I recently had to politely tell another technical rebreather diver that I have dived with, that I was not willing to do a certain dive with him. I did it politely and added that I will still dive with him, but just not that particular dive since I did not have the time/experience with him in the water yet.

If you are not comfortable with everything and everyone on a dive - don't do it!

 

[TMHeimer]

All great advice, especially about taking Rescue. It seems you are ready for that. I too am amazed there aren't more accidents with two relatively new divers buddying. I was lucky to never having been buddied with someone who really needs basic help. My only complaint about some buddies has been that some have been less aware than myself of the most basic thing--staying together and close enough at all times so you can help each other. Buddying with a more experienced diver seems best to me. When I was new, I asked someone to buddy up and he said sorry no thanks-- a guy he buddied with once almost did him in. After a while I too went to solo dives, but only to a max of 30'. Not at all suggesting that to anyone, but you have to figure- which is worse, doing that or being in danger from a poor buddy. I know I can do a CESA easily from 30' and practise it almost every dive, and am always aware of the surroundings. Good luck as you progress.