Boatboy,
A few random (long) thoughts,
I will echo the comments about being patient, trying before you buy, etc. You will get many opinions on the best gear, but it's not until you do some diving yourself that you'll begin to form opinions on the type of gear you want. Some gear choices are dependent on the types of diving you do, other choices are just personal preference. Once you start diving, you'll gradually become aware of what features are most important to you.
Renting for 5-10 dives also gives you some time for you and the wife to try some OW diving before dropping a few thousand on gear.....if, heaven forbid, one of you decides you hate diving after trying it in a cold local quarry......better to have spent $50 a day renting gear vs. $2,000 for new gear that you'll have to sell.
Also try and think about where you see your diving "career" heading -- if into tech diving...perhaps you should buy higher-end gear that you will grow into instead of out of.
I'll also echo the recommendation to try scubadiving.com for gear reviews. Also helpful are the discussions of the issues and features to be aware of when considering a particular piece of gear. These reviews DO NOT include every mfr. and every model, but they are a good place to start.
http://scubadiving.com/gear/
Another way to narrow the choices down -- check out your local shops and see what they offer. It is convenient to have gear that can be serviced by your LDS....
Regarding on-line buying. I think you've already received some advice on this above. On-line buying comes with it's own set of issues -- some of it is warranty related. Certain mfrs. don't officially allow on-line purchasing of their gear -- so the warranty you receive may be provided by the on-line dealer, not the mfr. If buying from Europe, the warranty may be provided by the mfr's European division, meaning you may have to send it abroad for warranty work. In some cases it is "gray mkt" merchandise....bottom line, it's important to know who you're buying from, what their reputation is and who is providing the warranty.
In general, you will consistently see a significant savings on on-line gear peices vs. the LDS....but many LDSs are willing to deal, especially if you are buying a bunch of gear at once or a package deal. For example, one of my local shops threw in 20 free fills when I bought my first tank from him. Many folks (namely shop owners) also feel it is unethcial for customers to come in and spend a significant amount of time picking the brain of the LDS regarding gear and trying things on, only to turn around and order on-line.....something to keep in mind. If you've done your own research and know what you want.....the internet may be the way to go.
Now, some biased personal opinion:
Regs: Lots of folks on this board love Apeks regs - very durable, proven reliability in extreme conditions, etc. Other well regarded names include Scubapro, Oceanic (the Delta series), Atomic. I have an Apeks TX-100 and TX-40 octo, which I am happy with.
Computers: I like Suunto computers due to ease of use and conservative nature (the model used by Suunto computers to compute remaining NDL time is more conservative than others). I own a Suunto Vyper. One big factor to consider with computers is whether you want air integration (tank pressure is shown on the face of your computer) or not (separate SPG).
BCs: Some things to think about -- (1) will you be traveling with your BC a lot (some are bulkier than others); (2) do you want a BC with integrated weights (which can replace or reduce the amount of weight on your belt; some BC weights are ditchable, others are not); (3) back inflation vs. jacket style (one has the BC air cell on your back, the other surrounds you as it inflates). Well regarded names are Sea-Quest, Zeagle & Scubapro, among others. If techier diving is in your future, you may want to talk to your tech-diving LDS friend about backplate/wings set-ups.
This is not meant to be a comprehensive guide, just some things to start thinking about and some biased product opinions. Go and do some reading, check your LDS, and then come back to this or other on-line boards to ask more questions...everyone has opinions and you'll get plenty of them here. Just remember that what works for others may not work for you (and there will be diferences between you and your wife), so the more research you do, the better buying decisions you'll both make.
Good luck!