I need a pocket!

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Thought this looked like a great idea, then I saw the asking price

I wonder if any number of tactical nylon drop leg pouches would accomplish the same thing for 1/2-1/3 the cost?

Yes. Metal bits are not marine-grade and quality of the material varies, but it'll last a season or three, and MOLLE webbing comes in handy at times.
 
butt pouch like sidemount divers use. just clip it off to the base of your plate with a pair of double enders once your tank is on your back.

Or even one of those thigh mounted pockets, but mounted on your wife's tank.
That’s what I was going to suggest. I used to carry one occasionally on single tank dives. It’s out of the way and not that difficult to access. I had a smallish mesh pocket that closed with Velcro on the side, so I could reach around and pull stuff out without removing the pocket. It worked well for a SMB or spare mask.
 
How about swim trunks with a zip pocket?
 
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