How do you deal with derision?

[lv2dive]

I've gotten comments about being "one of those" divers....and usually I just laugh it off and promise the person that I won't preach to them....Some people have a negative connotation about GUE/DIR. If they're at all open to a conversation, I'm happy to discuss....if they're very close-minded about it, I keep it light and steer the conversation away from that topic. ...

I agree. I am not out to convert anyone and if people want to be negative, best to steer conversation in different direction. Sometimes it's not even the DIR/GUE connotation that people latch on to.. I was recently diving with a non-DIR rec diving buddy* on what was essentially a guided tour. While we were diving, the DM kept making this gesture with two fingers kind of bent, in the palm of his other hand. I finally figured out it was a signal to kneel on the bottom. I kept shaking my head and just hovering, watching whatever it was he was showing. After the dive, we had the following conversation:
Dive guide: "you dive funny"
Me: puzzled look
Dive guide: "You won't kneel and you stay flat even when we are going up and down- why do you dive like that?"
Me: "it's just the way I've been taught"

He didn't mean anything by it... but he didn't really want to get in a conversation about it either. You can tell. I got a kick out of it, still chuckle when I think about it: "you dive funny." There are of course other times people are genuinely interested and then I, too, am happy to discuss.

I've been diving for a while and most of my dive friends are recreational divers that are happy diving exactly the way they dive. I've found they may be interested in learning more about what I've been up to, and been surprised that several have shown *more* than a passing interest (and in a few cases, have actually signed up for or taken GUE classes.) But I don't go all kool-aidy on anyone... when we do a pre-dive check I may use the GUEEDGE acronym in my head but I don't say it out loud, why run the risk of distracting from what we are doing?

I guess none of the above really speaks to the OP's question. The times I've been met with some forms of derision, I've laughed it off. It's boring for someone to continue to be derisive if the recipient of the derision doesn't get offended by it.

*who is now signed up for Primer!

 

[rongoodman]

I don't know what to say about your dive shop owner, but the internet is your friend--there are plenty of places you can get the equipment you need, quickly and at a fair price. Why give him the business if he's going to be rude to you.

I remember how exited I was when I finally learned how to back kick in one of Ed Hayes' workshops, and ran into complete indifference about it from the owners of a local shop while on a trip. I was disappointed and puzzled at the time, but we got past it and are still friends. People had long memories before the internet came along--now perceived slights are around forever.

 

[Doppler]

Best advice I can give you is: Suck it up.

I have been slagged for diving doubles, excommunicated for breathing nitrox, laughed at for carry stage bottles, thrown out of the scouts for squirting helium into my bottom mix (and shallow deco gas), stared at for diving sidemount, poked and prodded for showing up with a CCR... and all of this before the turn of the last century.

After a while, you either grow a thick skin or buy a TShirt that says F*ckU... or both.

Go out, dive, have fun and tell anyone who has a problem with the way you dive to bugger off.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Best advice so far!! Thanks Steve!

 

[Leejnd]

I've gotten comments about being "one of those" divers....and usually I just laugh it off and promise the person that I won't preach to them. I try to keep it light. As for people online, I just ignore it (after a couple pages of the "Fundies kicked my ass" thread, I never bothered opening it again). <snip> I'm very non-confrontational -- I deal with it by ignoring it.

Well it's good to know it's not just me! I like you're approach. I did pretty much what you did - just ignored it. Really, I posed the question just to hear if this has happened to others, and how they handled it. Hell I'm too new at this stuff to get all kool-aidy about it with anyone.

As for that Fundies thread, I generally prefer to NOT engage with trolls, because that's really what they're after. But (and you may have missed this, Nicole, since you bailed from the thread early) I had a history with that guy, and in fact had just booked my accommodations in Cozumel based solely on his recommendation. His negativity caught me by surprise. And to be honest I was disappointed to find out he was...well, what he turned out to be. Once I realized that, I bailed too.

I agree. I am not out to convert anyone and if people want to be negative, best to steer conversation in different direction. Sometimes it's not even the DIR/GUE connotation that people latch on to.. I was recently diving with a non-DIR rec diving buddy* on what was essentially a guided tour. While we were diving, the DM kept making this gesture with two fingers kind of bent, in the palm of his other hand. I finally figured out it was a signal to kneel on the bottom. I kept shaking my head and just hovering, watching whatever it was he was showing. After the dive, we had the following conversation:
Dive guide: "you dive funny"
Me: puzzled look
Dive guide: "You won't kneel and you stay flat even when we are going up and down- why do you dive like that?"
Me: "it's just the way I've been taught"

He didn't mean anything by it... but he didn't really want to get in a conversation about it either. You can tell. I got a kick out of it, still chuckle when I think about it: "you dive funny." There are of course other times people are genuinely interested and then I, too, am happy to discuss.

I've been diving for a while and most of my dive friends are recreational divers that are happy diving exactly the way they dive. I've found they may be interested in learning more about what I've been up to, and been surprised that several have shown *more* than a passing interest (and in a few cases, have actually signed up for or taken GUE classes.) But I don't go all kool-aidy on anyone... when we do a pre-dive check I may use the GUEEDGE acronym in my head but I don't say it out loud, why run the risk of distracting from what we are doing?

I guess none of the above really speaks to the OP's question. The times I've been met with some forms of derision, I've laughed it off. It's boring for someone to continue to be derisive if the recipient of the derision doesn't get offended by it.

Actually it all does! Just hearing from others that this has happened to them is helpful. I do want to say I never felt "offended", so to speak, by the derision (although I was rather ticked that I got ignored by the dive shop owner, as if being *one of them* means I'm not a worthy customer!). I was more just caught off-guard and not sure what to say. So I didn't say anything. Sounds like that's the best approach. (Although any stories of snappy come-backs would be fun to hear!)

I don't know what to say about your dive shop owner, but the internet is your friend--there are plenty of places you can get the equipment you need, quickly and at a fair price. Why give him the business if he's going to be rude to you.

True, for *things*. Problem is, I'm going to have to go to him for fills, since he's the only op that pumps Nitrox anywhere near me. But yeah, I don't intend to give him my business for anything other than fills. I prefer to do business with companies that value me as a customer.

 

[Leejnd]

Best advice I can give you is: Suck it up.

I have been slagged for diving doubles, excommunicated for breathing nitrox, laughed at for carry stage bottles, thrown out of the scouts for squirting helium into my bottom mix (and shallow deco gas), stared at for diving sidemount, poked and prodded for showing up with a CCR... and all of this before the turn of the last century.

After a while, you either grow a thick skin or buy a TShirt that says F*ckU... or both.

Go out, dive, have fun and tell anyone who has a problem with the way you dive to bugger off.

LOL! I like you're approach too! I think people would be a little startled to hear this middle-aged woman telling them to f* off, but I'm sure it's quite effective.

 

[TSandM]

There are some places that really work to make you feel unwelcome . . . My original LDS owner used to smile and greet me warmly, until we had an argument about me buying a 7' hose, and after that, I wasn't quite as welcome. BUT . . . over the last five years, he's pretty much gotten over it and is letting Peter teach the way he wants (although we are still not to recommend backplates to students ). The regional NAUI rep from a few years ago was involved in a conversation with me about something innocuous, until I said something that made him ask me, "You aren't DIR, are you?" I smiled sweetly and said, "Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I am." And the conversation rather faded away at that point.

I've just taken the tack that being a pleasant person and the best diver I know how to be is the best rejoinder. Many of these derisive folks are that way because they've either come nose to nose with a zealot, or know someone who has; showing myself to be a normal human being seems to me to be the best way to begin to defuse the problems.

I do the same thing in threads. I've never told anyone they were going to die if they used brass bolt snaps, but I have told them why the stainless ones are preferred. If someone begins to post ugly things about DIR diving or divers, I patiently try to refute their allegations with facts and particularly with links and references. I figure I'm not going to convert someone like your buddy, BUT I can get a lot of information in to the hands of the people who are READING those threads.

I figure being a DIR diver in the greater diving world is the closest I'll ever come to being black or Muslim -- a member of an often despised minority.

 

[Leejnd]

There are some places that really work to make you feel unwelcome . . . My original LDS owner used to smile and greet me warmly, until we had an argument about me buying a 7' hose, and after that, I wasn't quite as welcome. BUT . . . over the last five years, he's pretty much gotten over it and is letting Peter teach the way he wants (although we are still not to recommend backplates to students ). The regional NAUI rep from a few years ago was involved in a conversation with me about something innocuous, until I said something that made him ask me, "You aren't DIR, are you?" I smiled sweetly and said, "Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I am." And the conversation rather faded away at that point.

I've just taken the tack that being a pleasant person and the best diver I know how to be is the best rejoinder. Many of these derisive folks are that way because they've either come nose to nose with a zealot, or know someone who has; showing myself to be a normal human being seems to me to be the best way to begin to defuse the problems.

I do the same thing in threads. I've never told anyone they were going to die if they used brass bolt snaps, but I have told them why the stainless ones are preferred. If someone begins to post ugly things about DIR diving or divers, I patiently try to refute their allegations with facts and particularly with links and references. I figure I'm not going to convert someone like your buddy, BUT I can get a lot of information in to the hands of the people who are READING those threads.

I figure being a DIR diver in the greater diving world is the closest I'll ever come to being black or Muslim -- a member of an often despised minority.

Great post, Lynne! You've hit on one of the things that caught me most by surprise - just suddenly finding myself in a group that is routinely derided. I'm sure there are many people who are used to that in their daily lives, but not me. It's helpful to hear how you've handled it. I'm not much into confrontation, and I definitely want nothing to do conflict, but when someone starts putting you down it can be rather startling!

And it's not like I wasn't aware that DIR zealots exist - I've posted about my own experiences with them in the past, which initially turned me off from DIR (until I learned more about it). It's certainly understandable that some people, who might have had a few too many encounters with such zealots (especially if they were unpleasant), would view ALL DIR divers negatively because of it. It's unfortunate, but it is what it is. All we can do is, like you said, be pleasant and un-kool-aidy ourselves, and hopefully dispel the mostly-incorrect notions about the people who choose this style of diving.

By the way, that dude ain't my buddy no more. Not after that kind of behavior! (And FTR I never actually met him - we'd just been exchanging dive travel tips with each other for over a year.) As Dave Barry says: "You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

 

[iztok]

I figure being a DIR diver in the greater diving world is the closest I'll ever come to being black or Muslim -- a member of an often despised minority.

LOL! I am DIR curious and oh so wish we had GUE/UTD instructor closer or any divers in the area interested (closest ones are 3+hr drive). As far as black or Muslim... they are in much better position than atheists in US even black and Muslim usually gang up on us.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

After watching how the DIR and non-DIR folks "get along" down in Florida, I'm kinda appreciative of our local community. Most folks up here just want to go diving ... and have a happy conversation about it in the parking lot afterward.

I don't care if you're DIR ...
I don't care if you're DIW ...
I don't care if you're DICE ...
Just don't be a DICK ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)