divrnr
Guest
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean ;
17 times it was too late ;
49 times you were too tired ;
20 times it was too hot ;
15 times you pretended to be sleep ;
22 times you had a headache ;
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby ;
16 times you said you were too sore ;
12 times it was the wrong time of the month ;
19 times you had to get up early ;
9 times you said weren't in the mood ;
7 times you were sunburned ;
6 times you were watching the late show ;
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo ;
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us ;
9 times you said your mother would hear us ;
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there ;
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling ;
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with ;
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished ;
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move ;
KEEP READING.......
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat ;
36 times you did not come home at all ;
21 times you didn't cum ;
33 times you came too soon ;
19 times you went soft before you got in ;
38 times you worked too late ;
10 times you got cramps in your toes ;
29 times you had to get up early to play golf ;
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls ;
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper ;
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running ;
2 times you had a splinter in your finger ;
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day ;
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book ;
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV ;
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets;
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" ;
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean ;
17 times it was too late ;
49 times you were too tired ;
20 times it was too hot ;
15 times you pretended to be sleep ;
22 times you had a headache ;
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby ;
16 times you said you were too sore ;
12 times it was the wrong time of the month ;
19 times you had to get up early ;
9 times you said weren't in the mood ;
7 times you were sunburned ;
6 times you were watching the late show ;
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo ;
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us ;
9 times you said your mother would hear us ;
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there ;
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling ;
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with ;
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished ;
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move ;
KEEP READING.......
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat ;
36 times you did not come home at all ;
21 times you didn't cum ;
33 times you came too soon ;
19 times you went soft before you got in ;
38 times you worked too late ;
10 times you got cramps in your toes ;
29 times you had to get up early to play golf ;
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls ;
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper ;
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running ;
2 times you had a splinter in your finger ;
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day ;
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book ;
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV ;
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets;
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" ;
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
