God Bless Chuck Norris

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OK, reading that bio is the first time in a long time I've laughed till I cried, my sides and face hurt, and I couldn't get my breath.

Chip, I owe you for that. Man, that was funny.

God Bless you, Chip. And God Bless Chuck Norris.
 
FYI chip. I read this and my first thought was you: Got it on yahoo

Just the Chuck Norris Facts, Ma'am
By Joal Ryan Sun Jan 15, 8:47 PM ET
Here's a true fact about Chuck Norris facts: Their bearded namesake doesn't really get them. And here's another one: He's okay with that.

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"Some are funny. Some are pretty far out," Norris said in a recent post on his Website. "Being more of a student of the Wild West than the wide world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it."

"[But] I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously."

To the uninitiated, Chuck Norris facts are statements about the iconic, kung-** fighting action star that are very likely not at all factual--i.e., "Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one,"--but which sound right because Norris is, after all, an iconic, kung-** fighting action star who willed Walker, Texas Ranger to live for nine prime-time seasons.

According to the actor's publicist, Jeff Duclos, Norris' favorite Chuck Norris fact is the one about the Boogeyman: "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

According to the Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/chuck/), the people's most popular Chuck Norris fact is the poetically stoic "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."

"Ultimately," Duclos said, "it's very flattering."

The Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator, a descendant of the Random Vin Diesel Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/vin/), and a precursor of the Random Mr. T Fact Generator (www.4q.cc/t/), has been serving up "Paul Bunyanesque exaggerations" of Norris' powers, as the Washington Post put it, since last summer.

Starting in November, the site became "exponentially popular," mushrooming from 10 million hits to 37 million hits today, according to Ian Spector, who oversees the fact generating empire with the help of the coder known as "Toad King," and the two NASA employees whose earth-bound interests include a certain former A-Team star.

Spector doesn't really know why the Norris facts took off, drawing much attention from bloggers and emailers.

"I told maybe 10 people about the site," Spector said.

Spector can't even really say why Norris, whose signature movie hits (Missing in Action, Invasion U.S.A., A Force of One) predate the 17-year-old Brown University freshman, became the subject of the Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator, except to explain that when his site asked users which star they wanted to see get the Vin Diesel treatment ( Christopher Walken? Samuel L. Jackson? Lindsay Lohan?), Norris outpolled all comers.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Norris, 65, was cowriting a novel. When he hit the road to promote The Justice Riders, as well as his new tough-guy venture, the World Combat League, he found himself faced with the same question: "Everybody wants to know [about the facts]," Duclos said. "It always comes up."

By New Year's, the Post was weighing in on the phenomenon. Then, late last week, Norris weighed in on the subject himself.

"It's quite surprising," Norris wrote on his Website.

Spector, meanwhile, wasn't surprised that Norris opted not to go Delta Force on his computational biology-studying student body. "Had he or the other people on [Norris'] site been upset," he said, "I think I would have heard from them sooner."

Spector almost came face-to-feed with Norris last Monday, when both were booked as guests on CNBC's The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch. Norris was in the main studio; Spector, wired up to appear via live remote. But as bad timing would have it, Spector's segment got cut. The camera never cut to him; the virtual confab never happened.

Said a non-embittered Spector: "It was an interesting experience."

While the Web hits keep coming, Spector is already looking ahead--to a new site, and maybe to a new subject.

Random Steven Seagal facts, anyone?
 
haha! Thanks Paul, that made my day. I wouldn't expect any less from Chuck!
 
The list is missing the following

When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.

When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.


Chuck Norris poops light sabers.

Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw. But he holds it backwards.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.

Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.

Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits.

If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.

Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.

The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Even Chuck Norris can’t believe nobody Chuck Norrised this guy a long time ago.
 
Hahahahahaahahah
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
chip104:
If you can read through this in 5 mins without smirking once, you're my hero.

Biography of Chuck Norris

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead punched his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Awww man! I didn't even make it to the third sentence!
 
I just cant stop laughing. What is the fascination everyone has with Chuck Norris? I dont know what it is, but I have it to. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S
 
Ishie:
Awww man! I didn't even make it to the third sentence!
Don't worry ish, even if anyone read through the entire thing without laughing, there's only one hero in my life - and I'd be honored if he'd roundhouse kick me. :)


@ KidK9: that's 3 minutes of hysterical laughing inbetween your posts! You're doing pretty well - I couldn't stop laughing for an hour!
 
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