Getting Mates interested in Diving - Not

[Steve_C]

You see a lot of people who get excited about diving who want their significant others to be interested in diving. Sometimes this does not happen because they just are not interested. But often it does not happen because it is done wrong.

Two Examples:

St. Thomas: Dive as part of a cruise trip. After tank 1, party of three get back on the boat. Fit looking husband in his 40s, quiet wife, and athletic looking teenage son. Husband is fairly loudly criticizing wife because she was too slow and they had to keep waiting for her. She needed to swim faster. She did not do dive 2.

Key Largo: Easy reef dive in good conditions. Young couple setting up next to me. Energetic husband has maybe 20 dives. Is talking about all the great dives to do and how he is looking forward to the Speigel and Duane and some serious diving and how the reef is to warm up. Wife is quietly standing there. After he wanders off I talk to her. She has just gotten certified inland. This is her first post certification dive. This is her first boat dive. This is her first ocean dive. She is clearly apprehensive. I try to quietly reassure her but don't have a great feeling about how this will go. She decided not to do a second dive.

I could give more examples I have seen.

I used to like to fish both saltwater and freshwater. I have two young sons. From ages 3 to 13 I would sometimes take them fishing. I would sometimes go fishing. I never tried to confuse the two activities. When I took my sons fishing it was all about them. Where we went, how we fished, how long we fished. Eventually in their teens they started asking to come along on the "real fishing trips" which I did modify a bit. Today I have one son who loves to fish and one who does it sometimes but has already let me know that I am to teach our grandson to fish.

New Divers often need to be treated the same. You need to be attentive to how they are reacting. The first few dives should be about THEM. Go at their pace. See what they want to see. Talk to them and find out what they want, etc. You may spend a few dives not doing exactly what you would prefer, but the payoff in the long run is well worth it no matter if they decide to dive more or not.

 

[nolatom]

Good marriage advice too. You may have spotted a general pattern with those two couples? Diving is one place where spouse-swapping might be a good idea. Works with teenagers on shore too. Swap them out and they behave better, it's magic.

New divers are the future of the sport. We were treated patiently by the experienced divers when we were the newbie (at least I was). Time now to pay that forward. Okay, not at Truk or some big Mount Everest deal, but certainly on that weekend dive site you've done before.

 

[261311]

Good post on diving or any activity in general. Funny you mention fishing, my dad always went fishing and took me along. It was never about me really, he did it as an escape and for his enjoyment, I get that- but I don't think many 9yr olds want to go on a 6-9hr canoe journey 10 miles out just for peace and quiet. I can't tell you how many things I hated about nature or the water as a kid just because I was trapped in a boat for so long with nothing I could do (it would be one thing I think if I caught fish but I'd only ever get 3-4" perch while my dad was racking up multi-lb bass). Needless to say nowadays I have very little interest in fishing unless the premise is its in an environment I can control or with a friend over my dad. I guess I just like the idea of mobility. Give me a kayak and a DSLR and I'm good above water.

 

[Doomnova]

sigh. At the first example I hate people who figure diving is a marathon....you don't see anything when your zipping around like Speedy Gonzales. call me perverse I like diving with folks with cameras cause they want to go slow and see whats there and well take a photo I'll move a bit ahead of them a bit and a slow speed and then find them something to take a shot of like 2 warbonnets in the same photo. Zipping along just wares you out shortens your dive and when we get out i have a pretty stern chat with the person. I don't like to work when I dive short of fighting a current at a safety stop.

example 2 wow honestly i would be happy just taking it easy on coral and seeing what there and enjoying it with my other half.

 

[DivemasterDennis]

I dove for years before my wife started diving, even though she is the one who got me into diving. I never pressured her to dive ( she loved the travel and we would snorkel a lot together between dives and after dives. But after she got her eyes "laziked" at age 50, she announced that she was ready to dive, and the rest in history. She is competent, safe, and up for anything, a fantastic dive buddy. I stayed away from her private book and pool sessions, but did accompany her on her open water dives. In the 11 years we have been diving together we have seen many instances where a diver is inappropriately critical of a spouse, child, or sibling. I have observed divers to push a spouse or child into diving who has no real interest and a lot of anxiety. In every case, Steve_G's observations apply. The criticizing divers was general "slightly experienced," self absorbed, and clueless as to their companion's feelings and stresses. They were also oblivious to how their offensiveness bothered the rest of the folks on the boat. My wife Debbie is really good at meeting and talking to new divers, and she and I both try to get familiar with others on the boat whether we are both just along for the ride or if I am working as a DM. She and I dove holding hands for her first 20 or 25 dives, and it was great, it was about her. She defined comfort levels, and we enjoyed every dive. Then SHE decided when to let go, and she grew rapidly in confidence and competence. Now she is as good a recreational diver as I know. And it's because, whether due to dumb luck or mature insight, her early experiences were all about her. Thanks for the reminder, Steve_G.
DivemasterDennis

 

[farsidefan1]

I remember taking my wife to Roatan for her first open water dives after certifying in a cold Boston lake. Our first dive was to Marys place. The signature dive of Roatan. However it goes through a cleft where you are down around 90 feet. She didn't want any part of that while I really did. I, however, in an uncharacteristic act of brilliance I said only that we could have a ball diving right there on top of the reef. We did and she had a blast. I followed the practice of not making her do ANYTHING she was uncomfortable with and now she is an excellent buddy who dives all over the world with me. I shudder to think of what would have happened had I bee insistent on her doing it "MY WAY". It's not like I could make her do anything she was unwilling to do - she is very strong willed. It's just that I could have screwed up all the fun we have had diving since then.

 

[fnfalman]

I've seen too many macho divers who probably discouraged their significant others off the sport.

I remembered one time at the Blue Hole pond in Santa Rosa, New Mexico, the husband was mother henning the wife and daughter to death. When it was time to go into the water, he was the worst diver out of all three.

But hey, it's their lives.

 

[miked]

MY SO knew of my love for diving, and tried a "resort course" back in '83. (The course was, IMO, very well run, thorough,with excellent instructors). The dive went well, but after it was over, she said "that's enough for me". Thank God that she has no problem with my diving.

separate story:

In line with the OP's stories: while on a boat, there was a couple-stereotype (?) loud mouthed husband, quiet wife- the wife had mentioned that this was her first ocean dive, and boat dive; and the husband had bragged about how "I finally got the old lady to dive".
During the pre-dive briefing, the DM said that, due to a surface current, the divers should not stay on the surface any longer than necessary, "once you are "OK" head down". The Husband tells the wife "I'm ready, get in the water and wait for me". She did, then hubby sits on the boat fiddling with his mask strap..... The DM starts telling the wife that she is drifting away (she was), and to descend. She waited , and waited, and drifted... finally, the Boat Captain asked me, who was next in line to enter the water, if I would take her down, and wait for the husband. I did, she was fine, and a minute later hubby descended........
After the dive, one of the crew told me that in that minute, the Captain ripped the husband a new ....you know what.
Some people are just too strange.

 

[00wabbit]

I'm going through this right now. My wife likes to snorkel and I started diving last year. I would love for her to dive with me. She has tried resort courses with me in the past but she always had trouble getting under and never even did the dives. This past week she tried again at the Blue Heron Bridge and had a nice attentive instructor. Since this time I was certified I just circled around the outside of the group and let them do their thing. She got in a 50 minute dive and did pretty well. The instructor told me she was calm and seem natural underwater.
In the end though she said after a while she was bored and just wanted to come up. I guess bored is better than panicked.
Oh well - she gave it a shot. Maybe she will want to try again later.

For now we will just be happy to be somewhere warm. I'll dive some days and we can snorkel others.

 

[drbill]

I guess that's why I'm still single. I've been diving for 50 years and have never dated a diver. Don't want an SO who is interested in learning to dive because I do it, I want one who is as fanatic about it as I am... and can survive the "rigors" of living on an "isolated" island surrounded by dive sites.