Funny things heard on the dive boat

[gypsyjim]

Forgot about this one...

"What do you mean the anchor line isn't tied off to the boat?" As we watch the 300ft of rope, attached to the 10ft of chain, and the anchor disappear below the surface.

Now THAT is funny!

 

[mike_s]

A man was leaning over the side of the boat holding a string.

I asked, "What are you doing?"

His response, "Decompressing my computer".

sadly, I can see that happening....

 

[Red_5]

lol, just reading this thread gives me more incentive to finish the DM program so I can get out there and bear witness to some of this stuff :loopy:

 

[Xaryo]

Similar one to this on a liveaboard in the Caribbean. Overweight middle-aged guy with all the gear and no idea has just finished dive one and I see him taking his Vyper off and putting it in his bag, only to fish another one out of another pocket and put that on his wrist ready for dive two. After dive two, same procedure, stashes the just-dived computer in his bag and gets the first Vyper out ready for dive three. Same procedure for dive four.

At the end of the day, I am rinsing my two computers and he asks me why I wear two computers to dive. I told him that I have several incidences where a computer has gone down on me mid-way through a dive trip, so by wearing two, if this does happen, I still have a back-up computer which has up-to-date dive history on it.

He looks at me like I am daft and says, "Oh, that's not how I do it. On a liveaboard like this, I always do dive one and dive three on one computer, and dive two and dive four on another. It's great, I get way more bottom time than other divers do, particularly at the end of a week. Can't understand why more people don't do it."

I just nodded and walked away. People like this are beyond help...

Mark

Wow, just wow! That guy will deserve some day a Darwin award.

 

[Dr Neil]

I am sure heard far more than once "Where do I throw up" 10 people in unison "Over the back of the boat"

I was on a dive boat several years ago where a lady got into an eat then barf over the side cycle. After doing this at least a dozen cycles, she bawled out her husband for not packing a big enough lunch! During one the eat and gurge cycles, she was mad for not having a big enough bag of pork rinds to eat so she could get the bad taste out of her mouth.

We did get an unusual number of fish around the boat that day.

 

[tridacna]

I was about to splash in at the Blue Hole in Belize when the very attractive blonde sitting next to me asks: "Do you inflate or deflate your BCD when you want to ascend at the end of the dive?". Remember that this is a deco dive...

 

[mintaka]

On a Key Largo boat heading out to a dive site.. A man and his two sons are diving... he asks the DM when we will get back to the dock because their plane is leaving at 5pm that day.

 

[diversteve]

This guy and his wife are sitting next to us. Kind of rough water - the boat's being tossed around a little. You can tell she's a newer diver and a little nervous. Instead of being sympathetic he starts berating her in a low voice to intimidate her into doing the dive. Which she agrees to do.

So our hero stands up, (steps on my foot) walks to the back and splashes. Floats out on the line and just as she's about to jump yells at her to bring his weight belt...it was impossible to not laugh.

 

[divezonescuba]

My course director says he brings a plastic bag with alphabet soup with him on boat dives.

If its rough, he goes around the boat with an empty plastic bag making barfing noises. He then turns his back, switches the empty bag with the full one and spreads some "barf" all over his face.

The concerned divemaster then goes up to him and asks him if he's ok and if there's anything he can do to help. With "barf" all over his face, the course director hands the divemaster the full bag in view of all the divers.

You can guess what happens next.

The divemaster puts the bag full of "barf" up to his lips and swallows it, again in full view of the other divers.

After everyone else barfs, they go diving.

 

[miked]

Starts raining while on a dive boat in Cayman a woman asks the captain if we should move our BC's under the hardtop so they don't get wet.......

She must be a relative of this lady:
While on a boat carrying a mix of certified divers,and "resort course" students, a slight rain started-more of a mist than anything else. One lady began to fidget nervously. I asked her if she was okay, and she asked-while pointing to her BC- "is it okay for this to get wet?"