Kriterian
Guest
Found this on that god-forsaken rec.scuba newsgroup. It just goes to show you can find some good peaches in a pail of crap some time.
SPOILER WARNING: This does contain some things that will spoil the movie for you (aside from the acting, dialogue etc) If you plan on seeing it and don't want to know probably the only two good parts, don't read further.
PS: I didn't write this either, so the credits should go to the authors whose name I left intact.
Scroll down to see
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A group of folks from Capitol Area Divers (CAD) went to see the movie "Open
Water" last weekend. Here's a review:
A Review by Barzie and Russ
R - So, Barzie, tell me, what did you think of the movie Open Water?
B - The movie sucked period. The picture quality was terrible. If it
weren't for the CADs group humor and laughing, it would have really
sucked!
R - I don't know. It had some scary moments, like the scene where she
only wanted to talk.
B - Yeah, I thought the movie was going to go somewhere with a little
action the night before the dive with a breast shot...I mean, really,
what divers do NOT do it the night before or the morning of. But she
wasn't in the mood, she only wanted to talk and he didn't. Does this
ever really happen? It's never happened to me.
R - I'm not sure it's ever happened to me either, but I've heard
others have had problems with women wanting to talk. The boat scenes
were pretty cool. They did a nice job of showing all the excitement
and hub-bub that goes on before a dive. And the briefing by the dive
master was outstanding, very realistic. A single dive to 60 feet for
30 minutes. That's why I pay big bucks to travel half-way around the
world to dive.
B - The guy who forgot to pack a mask but demanded to dive anyway was
spot-on. I've dove with him many times before. But throughout the
scene I couldn't help but think something wasn't right. It wasn't
until later that I realized there were no tanks falling over, no
regulators free flowing, no one chumming over the side of the boat.
R - They did have nice rental gear.
B - What!? No scooters, no full face masks. These people were
barbarians, not properly equipped divers.
R - Now you have to admit that once they were "at sea" things picked
up. The dialog became more believable, the acting improved, the
cinematography improved, everything just got better. Take the dialog
for example:
"Daniel, did you just pee?"
"You said you were cold."
B - Weren't they wearing wetsuits?
R - Yeah, so what. Haven't you ever peed in your wetsuit?
B - All the time, I'm just wondering how she felt it. Anyhow, as the
two spent some quality time in the water, we learn that it's all his
fault. She wanted to swim to one of the other boats and he didn't. Me
personally, I would have swam. But they didn't. She wanted to go snow
skiing not on some damn dive trip. So there again it was all his
fault. He always wants to dive away from the group and come up at
the last minute. It was all his fault.
R - It was also cool to watch these "dive veterans" pet the nurse
shark, AKA giant catfish. Do you know how the nurse shark got its
name? Because it makes a suckling sound when it bites your arm off.
B - Yes, feeding time. Finally, the sharks decide to nibble while she
was sleeping. And just like him the night before, the sharks didn't
get any from her either. But the sharks did get some of him; a little
leg that is. Blood is everywhere, sharks are coming from all
directions. It's like shark week on the Discovery Channel. Teeth
gnashing, sinews ripped from the bone, screams of pain - and that was
just Allison grabbing my arm.
R - For me, the highlight was when she offered herself as a sacrifice
to the sharks.
B - Why is that?
R - Because I could leave then. All in all, I give Open Water (the
movie, not the class) a quarter inflated safety sausage. Perhaps if
she had been in the mood I could have gone with a half inflated
safety sausage.
--
jim frei
http://stormwatergroup.com
SPOILER WARNING: This does contain some things that will spoil the movie for you (aside from the acting, dialogue etc) If you plan on seeing it and don't want to know probably the only two good parts, don't read further.
PS: I didn't write this either, so the credits should go to the authors whose name I left intact.
Scroll down to see
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A group of folks from Capitol Area Divers (CAD) went to see the movie "Open
Water" last weekend. Here's a review:
A Review by Barzie and Russ
R - So, Barzie, tell me, what did you think of the movie Open Water?
B - The movie sucked period. The picture quality was terrible. If it
weren't for the CADs group humor and laughing, it would have really
sucked!
R - I don't know. It had some scary moments, like the scene where she
only wanted to talk.
B - Yeah, I thought the movie was going to go somewhere with a little
action the night before the dive with a breast shot...I mean, really,
what divers do NOT do it the night before or the morning of. But she
wasn't in the mood, she only wanted to talk and he didn't. Does this
ever really happen? It's never happened to me.
R - I'm not sure it's ever happened to me either, but I've heard
others have had problems with women wanting to talk. The boat scenes
were pretty cool. They did a nice job of showing all the excitement
and hub-bub that goes on before a dive. And the briefing by the dive
master was outstanding, very realistic. A single dive to 60 feet for
30 minutes. That's why I pay big bucks to travel half-way around the
world to dive.
B - The guy who forgot to pack a mask but demanded to dive anyway was
spot-on. I've dove with him many times before. But throughout the
scene I couldn't help but think something wasn't right. It wasn't
until later that I realized there were no tanks falling over, no
regulators free flowing, no one chumming over the side of the boat.
R - They did have nice rental gear.
B - What!? No scooters, no full face masks. These people were
barbarians, not properly equipped divers.
R - Now you have to admit that once they were "at sea" things picked
up. The dialog became more believable, the acting improved, the
cinematography improved, everything just got better. Take the dialog
for example:
"Daniel, did you just pee?"
"You said you were cold."
B - Weren't they wearing wetsuits?
R - Yeah, so what. Haven't you ever peed in your wetsuit?
B - All the time, I'm just wondering how she felt it. Anyhow, as the
two spent some quality time in the water, we learn that it's all his
fault. She wanted to swim to one of the other boats and he didn't. Me
personally, I would have swam. But they didn't. She wanted to go snow
skiing not on some damn dive trip. So there again it was all his
fault. He always wants to dive away from the group and come up at
the last minute. It was all his fault.
R - It was also cool to watch these "dive veterans" pet the nurse
shark, AKA giant catfish. Do you know how the nurse shark got its
name? Because it makes a suckling sound when it bites your arm off.
B - Yes, feeding time. Finally, the sharks decide to nibble while she
was sleeping. And just like him the night before, the sharks didn't
get any from her either. But the sharks did get some of him; a little
leg that is. Blood is everywhere, sharks are coming from all
directions. It's like shark week on the Discovery Channel. Teeth
gnashing, sinews ripped from the bone, screams of pain - and that was
just Allison grabbing my arm.
R - For me, the highlight was when she offered herself as a sacrifice
to the sharks.
B - Why is that?
R - Because I could leave then. All in all, I give Open Water (the
movie, not the class) a quarter inflated safety sausage. Perhaps if
she had been in the mood I could have gone with a half inflated
safety sausage.
--
jim frei
http://stormwatergroup.com
Oh man... Spot on. *laughing like a drain...*
