Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[miketsp]

After the first dive, one diver looks over to another and asks him.

So what does your computer show for surface Interval?

The other diver gives him the Here's your sign look and ask him well how deep do you want to go?

In many circumstances I'd probably answer the same way.
That's the reason there's a PLAN button on my computer.
So I can see if we've done enough SI before the next dive.

In many situations what matters is if you've done enough SI and not actually how long it was.

 

[RickPeck]

Going to Shark/Ray Alley in Ambergris Caye, Belize:

My wife to the DM, "I'm really chicken about sharks."

DM to wife,"That's OK, they love Cheeekin."


The look on her face was priceless...she did get in the water and I held her hand the entire time.

 

[kombiguy]

On a dive charter on Monterey Bay; divemaster finishes briefing and says, "Anybody have any questions?" No replies. "Any questions at all?" From up forward," Do you have Avagadro's number? I wanted to call him but I can't find it."

DC

That's a keeper! When I get asked if there are any questions, I always respond by asking, "Which weighs more, the Chrysler building or the Great Pyramid at Cheops?"

 

[inventor]

If anything goes wrong underwater, relax, take a deep breath, and think it through. You have the rest of your life to solve the problem.

 

[inventor]

Sitting at a bar with a friend, being accosted by 'The Smartest Guy iin the Room'. My brain has permanently blocked what he said, but my response was to look at my friend and say, 'Jesus, I think that actually gave me a stroke!'

Also, after 10 minute surface swim to get to dive location;
Dive buddy to me, 'Where's your mask?'

 

[rk288]

OK, this one's on me...

It's my first ever wall dive and I'm on the edge of the platform; regulator in mouth, gauges in left hand, right hand on regulator with my prescription sunglasses on...

The DM was perfect though. He waited until he saw that I had shifted all of my weight to my left foot before he took hold of my tank valve and gently asked "Don't you think you..."

My 2 dive buddies were in the water grinning from ear to ear...:cool2:

 

[rk288]

No. Fish pee...

 

[Maxime2104]

At the beginning of September I was doing some technical wreck diving with my father in Marseille (France) and after 4days we went on a dive trip with some rec divers and the DM of the boat asked me if I was crazy to jump in the water like that because my regulator was around my neck.
For the note: I was still using my tec gear.

 

[Gdon]

A non-diving visitor to our local, small, landlocked quarry was being told about all the attractions for the divers in the water, “There is a sailboat over there 60 feet below the surface, a jetski in that direction at 25 feet and a large cabin cruiser right there at 80 feet.” He thought about it for a second and then asked what must have been the most logical question in the world to a newbie, “What causes so many boats to sink here?”
:thinking:

(I hope this thread is not too old to add this one)

 

[mark01]

Conversation takes place during the drive to the dive site, during which our buddy decides he would like to stop at a dive shop to pick up spring straps for his fins. "Sure", we say and I get on the phone to a shop close to our route to ensure it's open and the following interchange takes place:

Dive shop owner: Yep, we're here all day and we've got a good variety of spring straps. What brand of fins does he have?

Me to our buddy in the back: "Tom, he wants to know what brand of fins you have..."

Long pause follows.....

Me again: Tom....????

Tom: "Red and Blue.."

Me to Dive Shop owner after I regain my composure: " I'll call you back..."

We got him the straps, but aren't letting him forget the interchange.