Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[charlesml3]

OK, here is what you do next. Pack up the computor in the original box, take it back to where you bought it and tell them that YOU ARE TOO STUPID to own a computor

Great story, except it never happened: Urban Legends Reference Pages: Too Stupid to Own a Computer

 

[Clammy]

Great story, except it never happened: Urban Legends Reference Pages: Too Stupid to Own a Computer

That particular incident may not have happened but I work in I.T., and I usually get 3-5 calls/complaints a week that something just "stopped working" or doesn't work at all, and it's either off or got unplugged.

 

[Dive1Dennis]

When anchored on a reef in the Caribbean last year, the captain of our vessel told use that a diver once asked him....
"How do you get all of the boats to point the same way?"

 

[miked]

While on a boat that had a mix of certified divers and people taking a "resort course", I was chatting with one of the "adult students", when a very light rain started-more of a mist actually.
As the rain came down-again very gently- the lady became very "antsy", and I asked her if anything was wrong.
She pointed to her BC, and asked "Is it okay for this to get wet?....... "

 

[--tom--]

A very long time ago when we used flash bulbs for our cameras, one nice on-looker asked if we still had to lick the base of the bulb for our underwater flash to work.

 

[BKP]

There's got to be an adventure seeking base out there that would pay to learn and then pay some more to go on excursions ...

You can... but, the tougher part is the HALO cert... (approx. 200 pre-cert jumps for D-license, FAA level III medical, chamber ride to experience hypoxia, and then finding the op to fly you betwen 24k and 30k feet...)

Get your equalization down ('cause you can't thumb the jump if you're having trouble)

Get a good drysuit, and thermals. You're at somewhere between 15 and 25 below at those altitudes...

Add to that an approx. 100lb-150lb. rig (not including your preferred gas mix for the waterside of the 'adventure.'

Most important... breathe only through your nose in the 02 mask, and save the other -spare- lung for when you hit the water, and breathe through your diving reg...

 

[dvguy]

In my OW class, one of the students asked how close he should stay to his buddy in case he had a problem and needed to share his buddy's air. The instructor said "You can stay a close or a far away from your buddy as you like.... if you run out of air, you'll have the rest of your life to get to him."

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

I was going through navigation skills in my AOW class yesterday when one of the students chimed in that his OW instructor had told him he should always plan a route that brings him back a different way than he had gone out ... because coming back the same way would be too silted out to see anything ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[Digger54]

I noticed a fellow on a dive boat once that was closely scrutinizing his regulator (black with a black hose) and his alternate (yellow with a yellow hose). After a bit, while holding his alternate, he says to his companion, " This one is mine, right?"

Glad he wasn't paired up with me. God help us. Both survived.

 

[fishi]

DM in Aruba if you had a great time give us a tip if not take a ten dollar bill write down why I suck crumple it up and throw it at me.