Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Blazinator]

This is proof positive that an arrogant spirit (vs a teachable, humble, "keep your mouth shut and learn" spirit) will perpetuate, magnify and permanently cement someone's stupidity.

You wonder how people can be that stupid, and everyone of them that I have met actually think they are right (thus perpetuating their condition).

... To which she said that it was impossible. Because when you inhale, the mouth fills up one lung and the nose fills up the other. How is the air going to get to the other side?
.

Kindof reminds me of the hilarious transcript from the microsoft IT customer service guy that got the call from someone who couldn't get their computor to work and walked her through many startup procedures, until the customer tells him that the power went out before she called, to which the IT guy replied,
"OK, here is what you do next. Pack up the computor in the original box, take it back to where you bought it and tell them that YOU ARE TOO STUPID to own a computor"

 

[Paco]

"The visibility is great if you get right up close to what you want to see."

 

[Daxter]

We were in Cozumel 2 years ago when on the second dive of the day one of the divers asked the DM if we were going in any swim-throughs this dive. DM asked why? His responce was that he didnt want to wear his wetsuit but he kept getting cuts and scraps in the swim-throughs. The look the DM gave was priceless. What can you do but sit there and bite your lip.

 

[Buoyant1]

Is there a PADI card for this?

there probably is NOW!

 

[Clammy]

OK - An instructor came back to us after the class and told us this...

A student insisted that it was physically impossible to remove/clear a mask underwater.

He pointed out that thousands, if not millions, have already done it. Besides, she just saw the rest of the class perform the skill.

To this, she replied that it did amaze her. As she again confirmed the skills requirements. "You mean when we put on the mask we then inhale into our mouth from the reg and then blow it into the mask through your nose?"

He confirmed to her that is how it is done.

To which she said that it was impossible. Because when you inhale, the mouth fills up one lung and the nose fills up the other. How is the air going to get to the other side?

He said he just stood there, trying to figure out if she was serious or a very good joker. Sadly, it was the former.

A short physiology lesson closed the problem.

Oh dear god.... there's another Darwinian sacrifice waiting to happen!

The instructor should have pulled out his knife and told her that he punctured holes in everyone elses chest prior to donning their wetsuit so that air can travel from one lung to the other!

 

[=C=]

I'm in. Just remember that at altitudes above 10,000 feet you need to breathe supplemental O2, and to wear the parachute, the tanks need to be set up as sidemounts. Don't forget to switch from O2 to your diving gas of choice before submerging.

If only there was some way to make money doing it....

 

[DiveDiva_Ashley]

This is the best thread ever!
I needed a good chuckle this morning

 

[O.M.O.H.]

"We Are Men, We are Men in Tights!"

 

[Clammy]

"We Are Men, We are Men in Tights!"

"We roam the forest looking for fights! Weeee may look like siiisssies, but don't call us that or we'll punch out your lights!"

 

[ItMustBeJames]

If only there was some way to make money doing it....

There's got to be an adventure seeking base out there that would pay to learn and then pay some more to go on excursions ...