Food Network shows that must go....

[neophytediver]

It's been a while since I've posted anything "profound" and I was sitting here thinking about all the Food Network shows that shouldn't exsist. All that read this particular part of SB seem to watch and I was wondering what your list would be. Let's be specific, and not mean.

1. Calorie Commando - I can not stand low anything cooking, much less fit individuals that have the nerve to tell me that if I replace chocolate with carib it'll taste the same.

2. Low Carb and Lovin' It- Again the low anything kick, but more specifically I find any program that jumps on the low carb bandwagon objectionable.

3. Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee- "70% store bought, 30% homemade." This is not cooking. This is no different than opening a blue box of macaroni and calling it homemade. Not to mention the fact that this is a "cook" that refuses to shred cheese or chop carrots.

4. From Martha's Kitchen- Convicted, 'nuff said.

So, there's my list, let's see yours.

 

[Wendy]

I used to love to watch iron chef, but the episode that they used whale tongue in a recipe is the day I stopped watching them! It was bad enough that they use shark fin often, but whale tongue! Scientific research my bootie!

 

[Mo2vation]

It's been a while since I've posted anything "profound" and I was sitting here thinking about all the Food Network shows that shouldn't exsist. All that read this particular part of SB seem to watch and I was wondering what your list would be. Let's be specific, and not mean.

OK. I've been hobbled for a few weeks with the broken leg. This means as my wife has a parade of these shows rolling I've been unable to escape the last several weeks. So I've been gettig more than my usual dose. So the thoughts below are not from a fan or groupie of cooking shows (the whole celebrity chef phenomenon cracks me up) just the recent musings of an immobile victim. I'm not being mean, just being honest. Deal or move on. Here goes:

* Anything with Rachael Ray (sp?) Enormous dome, talks way too much, says almost nothing interesting. What a yenta. She only talks out of half of her mouth... imagine if she used the whole thing. Who's idea was it to give her ANOTHER show. Twice the Rachael - oh goodie.

* Barefoot Contessa. The title is enough to send me running. Do they have to tape it with a diffuser filter and the other effects? I'm tired of the whole genre (not mean, just being me) the whole "big chicks who can cook" shows. Please.

* Anything with Bobby Flay. A more insincere and ill-equipped "star" I haven't seen. I don't get the attraction, but OK. Not my guy.

* Someone kill Emerel, please? I don't need hosts who yell at me - this isn't ESPN. I give the guy props for having live bands on a cooking show... that kinda rules. But he's a cartoon. Move on, guy.

* Someone tell Ming Sai (sp?) to mix in a salad. Dude puts on any more LB's and he and Contessa will be virtually indistinguishable. When he first emerged he was different, THIN, young, and cool. His stuff is like everyone else's these days. Its sad. Isn't he another guy with like 2 or 3 different shows now? Whatever. Too much *sigh* not enough Ming.

* Any show where the hosts are a couple. Gag. Its like all those fix your house shows a few channels over with all the sweet couples as hosts. Shows like this give me cavities.


The shows that rule:

* Good Eats. Simply the best show on the network. Funny, different, good stuff. Finally a show that provides the "how" and "why" and doesn't just feature some ample yenta jabbering on and on while she throws stuff together. As cheezy as the graphics and as reaching as some of the slapstick stuff gets on this show, it simply takes the viewer to a different place than any other show. Its one of two shows I'll actually watch on the network.

* Iron Chef - Michael Jackson dude with a Kitchen Stadium. Sports and food - does it get any better? Its like Wrestling meets cooking meets Halloween. Its so over-the-top fake and contrived its just funny. I want the Chairman's wardrobe. Maybe not his hair, but surely his Liberace threads. Is anything better that watching a bunch of old dudes with broiling pans break for a platform and yank out a hand full of live eels and start whacking away at them on TV??? I tell you, this show just rocks. What the hell is a Pan Shell anyway? Can you really have a "Peach Battle?" A judging panel that weekly features any three of the following: a Fortune Teller, an Ingénue, a Rock Star a member of Parliament, a Food Critic. You gotta love this show. Literal translations from wacky voice-over artists, improv cooking, Instant Repley, coiffed chefs in shiney uniforms rising from the floor, theme ingredents emerging in a waft of fog and a black veil? A yellow bell pepper that crunches like an atomic bomb blast? Military marching theme song that's very close to the NFL films theme. C'mon. Its the best.

* There was this show where the host was a young english guy who rode around on a moped, and had his cool, trendy hot friends over for grub. It was shot in his apartment, using the worst lighting and sound ever to give it that whole bootleg feel. We're supposed to believe that while most young, good looking single guys are out clubbing, working and mixing it up, this chap is at home preparing ridiculously elaborate meals for his pals. OK.

* 1 show with mini-Sara. All 3 feet of her. Its great when she has guests, as her kitchen is like Mini-me's house, and her guests all look like giants. She doesn't need 6 different shows though. Just one with her is OK. I like her better than most.


Anyway - these are some of mine.

K

 

[ScubaTexan]

The Good
* Everyday Italian -- One of the best shows on The Food Network. Giada DeLaurentiis is perky, cute, silly (at times) and really knowledgeable about Italian cooking. She has some really great recipes. She's also the granddaughter of filmmaker Dino DeLaurentiis, I believe.

* Sweet Dreams -- A choc-a-holic's Nirvana. Gale Gand is brilliant with her ideas on pastries, pies, cakes, etc. If you can watch this show without your mouth watering, you need a drink.

* The Naked Chef and Oliver's Twist -- Jamie Oliver is the moped master of nouveaux cuisine in this series from London. He is cool and multi-talented (he's also in a band).

* Any of the shows where they demonstrate how CrackerJack, marshmallows, M&Ms and other various and sundry staples of American food culture are made.

The Bad
* Martha Stewart's Living -- Yeah, she got a raw deal in having to go to prison, but such is the price you pay for the utter arrogance that you display on your shows. She interrupts guests in the middle of their explanations and always wants to be hands-on. See ya next spring, Martha.

* Hot Off The Grill with Bobby Flay -- OK, this show isn't that bad, but I think it would be a little better if Bobby didn't sound like one of Mr. Kotter's Sweathogs. His jokes are stale, but as long as the food isn't, I can live with it.

* Iron Chef -- This show belongs in Anime format. It's the silliest premise for a show that I've ever seen, and the ridiculous overdubbed dialogue only adds to the hilarity. I wonder if American shows overdubbed into Japanese sound as silly?

* Barefoot Contessa -- Ina Garten could easily be one of Martha Stewart's neighbors and best friends. I've often wondered how the people in The Hamptons eat so well (yeah, right). The funniest scene I saw from one of the episodes was Mike Lupica sitting at her dinner table at one of her parties.

* How To Boil Water -- 'Nuff said. The title tells you all you need to know about this show.

The Ugly
* Emeril Live -- I finally had to stop watching this show altogether. My brother says he looks and sounds like a cabbie in midtown Manhattan. He may not be far from wrong, either. If I hear BAM and KICK IT UP A NOTCH one more time, I'm going to arrange to have him keelhauled on a shrimp boat. I do not find him entertaining by any stretch of the imagination. :wallywink

 

[Green Mountain]

Poor old Martha. She did a recipe for Beef Wellington that I tried . It came out excellent!

Emeriel's stuff is too complicated and the ingredients aren't readily available in this neck of the wood. I did hear him speak at my son's graduation form New England Culinary Institude. He gave a very passionate and inspiring resitation. I got a signed copy of his new book at the event. The book was too complicated as well.

 

[crpntr133]

With out a doubt...IRON CHEF. I did like the ones where they incorporated the US chefs like Emerel, Bobby Flay etc.
The translators are so corny that it isn't even funny. Watched part of one and it was so funny because the female translator sounded like she was having very enjoyable sex.

 

[MikeC]

Both my mom and sister swear by Martha's turkey recipe. It makes one good bird for Thankdiving.

 

[scubapro50]

Forget the FOOD NETWORK .... when are we going to have a 24 hour SCUBA CHANNEL on cable ...... just think of it ...... foods shows showing how to prepare that GROUPER you shot on your last dive ....... 100's of "real life" underwater videos, and of course unlimited SEA HUNT episodes ............

 

[MikeC]

and of course unlimited SEA HUNT episodes ............

Hmm, since that show was on only from '58 to '61 the number is very limited. Back then a "season" was 13 episodes times four years gives us 52 shows.

Now if someone wanted to try making a new version of the show that might work.

Scuba Channel, too small a market to survive.

 

[Wendy]

Speaking of sea hunt....anyone know where to get videos of it? It was before my time and I want to see it.