johlar
Contributor
I've received numerous requests for an update on my skin diving career. So here goes:
To begin with I've decided to name this the Lobster Update or LU for short. It will replace the now famous BU (Bowel Update) that I received so much critical acclaim for. Anyone who does not know about the BU please contact Kathy L, she can give you the poop, sorry I mean scoop.
The dive team led by the Dive Leader Jay (I NEED DEEP WATER!) Pungitore went off to dive Cape Ann 2 weeks ago with myself, Elizabeth, Kathy (also know as poop head) and Jay's Dad. We are zipping down the road when Elizabeth receives a call from the Dive Leader, he has a minor little request: would we mind stopping by his place and picking up his regulator? Seems that he forgot to bring it. Now I know I'm new at this dive stuff but it seems to me like the Dive Team Leader should be able to remember the most important piece of gear. It's the thingy you breathe out of. It's like going for a ride in a plane and forgetting the plane!
Did I mention that Jay is an engineer? We all know from dealing with the other engineer how dependable these guys are.
But then again I'm new at this
We get to the site and everyone meets Jay's Dad, who seems like a real nice person. I'm not sure he knew what he was getting himself into when he agreed to dive with us.
We get dressed in our form fitting wet suits ( I look like a Greek God), jump in the water and have a great time right? Wrong!! Seems like Kathy has a minor issue with her brand spanking new stuff. Every time she takes a step her dive equipment falls off. I don't think it's a big deal cause the lobster are waiting. Kathy is a little concerned but hey she's a trooper. So she waddles er..walks to the ocean and attempts to go under. One little problem, her gear comes off. So long story short she can't dive. As usual I take this news in my normally calm manner (have you ever tried to punch the ocean?). We made 1 dive and decided to call it a day.
Kathy takes her equipment back to the store with Elizabeth, it was safer than me going. They did a bunch of techie stuff and said "hey it happens, don't worry about the gazillion dollars you just spent".
The following week just Kathy and I went back to Cape Ann to try again. We got all dressed and off we went to the water. We double checked and the big moment came: Kathy submerged and had a wonderful time, right? Wrong! She sticks her head under and immediately comes back up screeching "Jesus Christ!"
Did I forget to tell you the water temperature in Cape Ann is 54 degrees? OOPs! Boy was my little rubber doll ticked off! You should see her all wrapped in a black skin tight suit. Talk about sexless er sexy.
She says there must be something wrong with the wetsuit I can feel the cold water. I said don't worry it's just the initial shock, it wears right off. It does too, about 4 hours after you get out of the water you begin to feel your feet again. But hey this is a fun sport, gotta find those $500 a pound lobster....
So my little rubber goddess decides to dive and we spend the next hour looking for the little red monsters with claws of which there are hundreds but no legal ones. I spend much of my time showing the rubber queen all the beautiful things under the sea. She is constantly showing her love by giving me the your number one sign. I found a lovely red star fish which I was impressed with, Kathy thought that this was number 1 in her book.
When we surfaced all the rubber maid could say was she had an ice cream headache the water was so cold. By the time we surfaced it had climbed to a glorious 57 degrees. I thought about diving nude but was afraid I would embarrass the other divers with my manly beauty.
This past weekend the Dive Leader and his queen allowed me to go diving with them. I was told you can come with us but you bring the food and you have too drive! I don't have a lot of friends so what choice do I have? Dive Leader takes us to his fathers favorite beach in Rockport called Old Garden beach. We get there at 7 o'clock and have the beach entirely to ourselves. We dress and jump in, would you believe the water temp was 71 degrees, it really was nice. We swim out about 300 yards and go under. When we get to the bottom there is a tiny problem, Elizabeth is missing. Not a big deal, the rule is nobody moves, you look around for a minute and then surface. So Jay an I wait a minute and he goes to the surface while I hold the dive rope. 2 minutes goes by and he returns with a I don't know where she is look. At this moment I basically had a stroke! We went back to the surface and there she was my little darling genius who from now on I will call dumbass. Seems like DA (dumbass) had a problem clearing her ears on the way down and decided to return to the surface. She then decided to descend and look for us. Jay and her must have missed each other. I'm not going to mention what the right thing to do was but DA scared the poop out of both of us.
Doesn't this seem like a fun sport?
We get back under water and start looking for lobster in about 20 feet.
Do you know what a thermo cline is? I didn't but I do now. It is like an invisible wall where when you drop below it you are basically dumped into an ice cube bath. The water temp went from 70 to 50 in 2 feet. It was amazing the effect it had on my male oops never mind.
So I find this lobster that appears to be legal and am just about to measure it when Dive Leader Jay motions that he's got a big one! Big Lobster that is. So I hand my lobster to Elizabeth for safe keeping and swim over to help Jay lose the big one which we did very quickly. I turn around and DA has decided to free my $500 a pound little creature. You thought she was a DA for the dive stuff, no way, she's a DA for letting the lobster go. Ever read that crap about setting a bird free and if it comes back it belongs to you? She thought it might work with the lobster. Four years of college HUH? DA!!
So we rest up for awhile and decide to do another dive. There is now a rather strong northerly breeze blowing that is kicking up about a 6 foot chop for us to swim thru. Dive team leader says no problem men just keep kicking! So we start out and the first thing I see is this wave, it could have been a small tsunami, crest over Jay's head. I'm thinking this is gonna be cute. Have you ever tried to breathe salt water? As humans we have a problem doing it
But hey we are adventurous and it's only a little rough .keep kicking.
I looked over at Liz and she had a look on her face that if I'd been Dive Leader I'd have given serious thought to not going any further. But hey Jay's still young and he has only seen the nice side of the DA. We swam on for a little while longer until DA in her warmest most loving voice said "if we go another inch I'll kill you".
Seemed to have worked because Dive Leader decided to dive.
Have I told you about our navigation skills? We all have compasses which we learned to use. It is the responsibility of the Dive Leader to take bearings and to keep track of your travels so that you get back to land. A somewhat important part of diving. Right up there with bringing your regulator.
On this dive the plan was to go out straight and the turn around and swim back along the same path. We spend our time looking for the lobsters with no luck when Dive Leader signals lets go in. We follow our intrepid leader until it's time to surface. When we surface we are in a different time zone we are so far off course!!
Now we have to swim about a mile to get back to where we started. I, being the adult in the group, never commented on this little error but I figure hey Jays a big boy, he's dating the DA so he must be able to take some criticism.
That's it, I'm tired from swimming and writing.
Anyone want to join us for the dive this weekend?
To begin with I've decided to name this the Lobster Update or LU for short. It will replace the now famous BU (Bowel Update) that I received so much critical acclaim for. Anyone who does not know about the BU please contact Kathy L, she can give you the poop, sorry I mean scoop.
The dive team led by the Dive Leader Jay (I NEED DEEP WATER!) Pungitore went off to dive Cape Ann 2 weeks ago with myself, Elizabeth, Kathy (also know as poop head) and Jay's Dad. We are zipping down the road when Elizabeth receives a call from the Dive Leader, he has a minor little request: would we mind stopping by his place and picking up his regulator? Seems that he forgot to bring it. Now I know I'm new at this dive stuff but it seems to me like the Dive Team Leader should be able to remember the most important piece of gear. It's the thingy you breathe out of. It's like going for a ride in a plane and forgetting the plane!
Did I mention that Jay is an engineer? We all know from dealing with the other engineer how dependable these guys are.
But then again I'm new at this
We get to the site and everyone meets Jay's Dad, who seems like a real nice person. I'm not sure he knew what he was getting himself into when he agreed to dive with us.
We get dressed in our form fitting wet suits ( I look like a Greek God), jump in the water and have a great time right? Wrong!! Seems like Kathy has a minor issue with her brand spanking new stuff. Every time she takes a step her dive equipment falls off. I don't think it's a big deal cause the lobster are waiting. Kathy is a little concerned but hey she's a trooper. So she waddles er..walks to the ocean and attempts to go under. One little problem, her gear comes off. So long story short she can't dive. As usual I take this news in my normally calm manner (have you ever tried to punch the ocean?). We made 1 dive and decided to call it a day.
Kathy takes her equipment back to the store with Elizabeth, it was safer than me going. They did a bunch of techie stuff and said "hey it happens, don't worry about the gazillion dollars you just spent".
The following week just Kathy and I went back to Cape Ann to try again. We got all dressed and off we went to the water. We double checked and the big moment came: Kathy submerged and had a wonderful time, right? Wrong! She sticks her head under and immediately comes back up screeching "Jesus Christ!"
Did I forget to tell you the water temperature in Cape Ann is 54 degrees? OOPs! Boy was my little rubber doll ticked off! You should see her all wrapped in a black skin tight suit. Talk about sexless er sexy.
She says there must be something wrong with the wetsuit I can feel the cold water. I said don't worry it's just the initial shock, it wears right off. It does too, about 4 hours after you get out of the water you begin to feel your feet again. But hey this is a fun sport, gotta find those $500 a pound lobster....
So my little rubber goddess decides to dive and we spend the next hour looking for the little red monsters with claws of which there are hundreds but no legal ones. I spend much of my time showing the rubber queen all the beautiful things under the sea. She is constantly showing her love by giving me the your number one sign. I found a lovely red star fish which I was impressed with, Kathy thought that this was number 1 in her book.
When we surfaced all the rubber maid could say was she had an ice cream headache the water was so cold. By the time we surfaced it had climbed to a glorious 57 degrees. I thought about diving nude but was afraid I would embarrass the other divers with my manly beauty.
This past weekend the Dive Leader and his queen allowed me to go diving with them. I was told you can come with us but you bring the food and you have too drive! I don't have a lot of friends so what choice do I have? Dive Leader takes us to his fathers favorite beach in Rockport called Old Garden beach. We get there at 7 o'clock and have the beach entirely to ourselves. We dress and jump in, would you believe the water temp was 71 degrees, it really was nice. We swim out about 300 yards and go under. When we get to the bottom there is a tiny problem, Elizabeth is missing. Not a big deal, the rule is nobody moves, you look around for a minute and then surface. So Jay an I wait a minute and he goes to the surface while I hold the dive rope. 2 minutes goes by and he returns with a I don't know where she is look. At this moment I basically had a stroke! We went back to the surface and there she was my little darling genius who from now on I will call dumbass. Seems like DA (dumbass) had a problem clearing her ears on the way down and decided to return to the surface. She then decided to descend and look for us. Jay and her must have missed each other. I'm not going to mention what the right thing to do was but DA scared the poop out of both of us.
Doesn't this seem like a fun sport?
We get back under water and start looking for lobster in about 20 feet.
Do you know what a thermo cline is? I didn't but I do now. It is like an invisible wall where when you drop below it you are basically dumped into an ice cube bath. The water temp went from 70 to 50 in 2 feet. It was amazing the effect it had on my male oops never mind.
So I find this lobster that appears to be legal and am just about to measure it when Dive Leader Jay motions that he's got a big one! Big Lobster that is. So I hand my lobster to Elizabeth for safe keeping and swim over to help Jay lose the big one which we did very quickly. I turn around and DA has decided to free my $500 a pound little creature. You thought she was a DA for the dive stuff, no way, she's a DA for letting the lobster go. Ever read that crap about setting a bird free and if it comes back it belongs to you? She thought it might work with the lobster. Four years of college HUH? DA!!
So we rest up for awhile and decide to do another dive. There is now a rather strong northerly breeze blowing that is kicking up about a 6 foot chop for us to swim thru. Dive team leader says no problem men just keep kicking! So we start out and the first thing I see is this wave, it could have been a small tsunami, crest over Jay's head. I'm thinking this is gonna be cute. Have you ever tried to breathe salt water? As humans we have a problem doing it
But hey we are adventurous and it's only a little rough .keep kicking.
I looked over at Liz and she had a look on her face that if I'd been Dive Leader I'd have given serious thought to not going any further. But hey Jay's still young and he has only seen the nice side of the DA. We swam on for a little while longer until DA in her warmest most loving voice said "if we go another inch I'll kill you".
Seemed to have worked because Dive Leader decided to dive.
Have I told you about our navigation skills? We all have compasses which we learned to use. It is the responsibility of the Dive Leader to take bearings and to keep track of your travels so that you get back to land. A somewhat important part of diving. Right up there with bringing your regulator.
On this dive the plan was to go out straight and the turn around and swim back along the same path. We spend our time looking for the lobsters with no luck when Dive Leader signals lets go in. We follow our intrepid leader until it's time to surface. When we surface we are in a different time zone we are so far off course!!
Now we have to swim about a mile to get back to where we started. I, being the adult in the group, never commented on this little error but I figure hey Jays a big boy, he's dating the DA so he must be able to take some criticism.
That's it, I'm tired from swimming and writing.
Anyone want to join us for the dive this weekend?
