A fat joke; you'll be banned from the pub now
I wish it was a joke instead of a health concern.
I have to add that commercial divers, open water divers and penetration divers (ice, wreck, mine, cave) have very different needs due to the differences in environment, tasks to be performed, and so on. So how could there even exist a one unified solution that is the best of all, for all?
It depends on how you define the problem and solution. I define the problem as all divers need to avoid becoming positively buoyant (by more than a few pounds) before clearing overhead obstacles and completing decompression obligations. The unified solution is the ability to drop weight in an emergency without accidently losing weight, which can create an emergency.
There is no reason that recreational divers who do not deal with hard or soft overheads need to have unreliable weight release systems. There is also no reason for divers in any category to fix all their weight to avoid accidental loss.