Does your significant other dive?

[Cacia]

I would have a hard time being attracted to a man that didn't love the ocean and want to be in it. What would happen? He would golf and I would go diving? There is no way that could work out for me....
It is a prerequisite. The willingness is enough. If he wanted to fly and I was afraid, well, that would not work either. If he did not like dogs...wouldn't work. etc, etc.

 

[cowboyneal]

Some people don't want to dive, just like some people don't want to play golf, or knit, or bowl or etc. You can only damage your relationship by trying to "talk her into it" because you're showing you don't respect her decision. Whenever one partner disregards the others' decision by "trying to talk them into it" it makes the decision made by the other appear unimportant or disrespects that he or she has made it. As an instructor, I've seen plenty of 'significant others' in my classes who were so obviously doing it for their partner, I've told them they didn't have to continue and should just do whatever it is they want to do. Diving for someone else is just not going to work, and could leave to catastrophic consequences. In a true, strong partnership of equals, it will be highly unlikely that the partners share every single activity, like and dislike: it's a wholly unreasonable probability. Therefore, take care of your relationship first, and worry about diving second.

You can always dive with anybody, but who the hell else is going to accept your sorry azz as a life partner? (This last part is supposed to be funny).

CN

 

[Cacia]

well, I learned the hard way not to marry someone you can't have fun with. He had everything else. Experiences are the glue that hold you together.

 

[Divin'Papaw]

My wife has no interest what so ever in diving. She is totally supportive of my diving, but she just isn't a water person. She isn't a strong swimmer and doesn't much like being in the water. We share many, many common interests and throughly enjoy being together. Also, since I didn't pickup diving until after we had been married for over 7 years, I don't really have much to complain about.

We have been able to balance it without any problems. As long as I don't obsessively and selfishly pursue diving and disregard her interests and our common interests, everything is rosy. She helps me stay balanced.

 

[shellbackdiver1]

CN,
Luckily for me it did not lead to catostrophic consequences. The only real pushing that I had to do was to ensure my partner on the second part of the confined dive that the ocean would be much warmer then the pool. But I think a little pushing is good at times....I got pushed on my pedal bike at the age of 4 (crashed and burned), but at the age of 23 I was on the NORBA expert (mountain bike) circuit. Got pushed into chemical engineering by an old ex GF, peer pressure I guess. I disliked it more then anything in the world....thank god I listened and did it cause now I got job that lets me dive and buy all the diving toys I want. A little pushing is good....or most of us would end up doing as little as possible.

 

[KBeck]

shellback, interesting viewpoint. I'm so contrary, though, that if I get pushed too hard, I do the opposite just to be obstinant.

On topic, however, I have the luxury of living in Florida, and therefore, my single greatest dating rule is that I won't date someone who doesn't dive. Sharing that experience is that important to me. (I can see how much more difficult that would be if I lived in, say, Indiana, etc).

I am now, however, maybe seeing the flip side of that "requirement". My current boyfriend has mostly left recreational diving behind and is focused on the technical stuff.......which is not really my thing. I am interested to see the outcome of both being divers, but never sharing the experience together.

 

[ETnScuba]

She doesn't dive (yet), but I think the interest is there. She never learned to swim and has always said she gets claustophobic when water is over her face. After a recent trip to Playa Del Carmen, during which our daughter and I did a lot of snorkling, she enrolled in a series of adult swim classes. She said she wanted to see the fish we kept talking about after our snorkle trips. By the end of the classes, she was swimming the length of the pool several times and able to do hand stands under the water. She is supportive of my diving because she knows it has been a life long desire. My daughter is a PADI Seal Team member and is also currently working on her Jr OW cert. We are thinking about a Bonaire trip this fall to celebrate. My wife is currently spending several days a week in the neighbor's pool (thank goodness for good neighbors!) practicing her swimming, because she says she wants to see the fish. I'm hoping she will do a "discover" course during our trip. I don't intend on pushing her to levels at which she is uncomfortable, but I am encouraging her to push her limits.

 

[scratchmyback]

Well here's a viewpoint from someone who just got certified yesterday and who really had no plans to ever go diving. My SO is a DM and I have known him for a long time. He has excellent leadership skills outside of diving and he started diving over 10 years ago. Over this time he's told me many stories that sounded interesting, but I was still convinced diving was not for me. We were not together at that time but we are now.

He never had the expectation that I would become a diver. I'm not sure if he planned it with this much foresight or not, but he would tell stories in such an interesting way that I would ask questions, mull it over a bit, and then ask more questions. We are both very analytical and it's something we enjoy. Eventually I decided to do my OW. He would show me the odd underwater video from one of his many trips, and every once in awhile we'd look at some underwater pics he'd taken. This took years, mind you, but we went at my pace. There was absolutely no pressure on his part, but a big thing for me was the fact that he has over 500 dives under his belt and I trust him completely. He also encourages me to challenge myself (outside of diving) and I am at a place in my life where I need to get out of my comfort zone and start living.

So far it has worked out great. The next step is to go diving with him and we have planned lots of local shore dives where I can work on my bouyancy and trim and just keep learning. I feel extremely fortunate to be introduced to this sport this way and it can be done, but you cannot pressure your partner in any way. I get stubborn when someone tries to get me to do something I don't want to do, in fact I go out of my way not to do it. That's my nature when I feel pressured. If you don't expect a change in attitude right away you might possibly get the result you're looking for. I can't say that I should have done this years ago because the timing was not right. But it is now. I can't wait

Laura

 

[divingjd]

Yes, but she did not when we first met. I took her on a couple of dive trips and she would hang out on the beach, read books, go shopping, whatever. Sometimes there were other non-diving SOs for her to hang out with. I asked her if she was interested in trying, but never tried to convince her to. Eventually, after snorkeling and hearing us talk about diving, she decided to try it. She tried a resort course in Cozumel, then took classes at home, and did her open water dives in Little Cayman. Sometimes she has ear trouble, so she stays behind and I dive. Luckily, as long as she has something to read, she's pretty happy, so I don't have to work too hard finding a place with non-diving attractions.

I totally agree with the earlier comment that you should not try to convince her to dive. It will probably backfire on you. I have seen people in classes who were doing it for the SO (or dad, or whatever), and they were not having a good time or really learning to dive. Try to arrange a vacation in a place you can dive and she can enjoy herself as well, and then see what happens. Cozumel is pretty good for that, or Grand Cayman (although it is pricey). Playa del Carmen is a good general vacation spot that has decent diving. There are lots of places that could keep both of you happy. Just don't drag her off to someplace like Little Cayman (a nearly deserted island where there is nothing to do but dive), unless she will be happy with a hammock and a book for a week.

 

[downdeep]

The night I met my husband, I mentioned that I had a trip to Hawaii coming up and I might like to learn to dive. He had been certified for a year already. The next thing I know, I've got all kinds of books and I'm signed up for classes and I'm buying gear and... of course, I had to take my dive buddy to Hawaii with me. How could I dive without my buddy???
the rest, as they say, is history.