I have been hanging around this board for a while and would like to throw out a question I have never seen adressed. I started diving to spear/lobster about a year ago. Most of my diving has been a little aggressive compared to many on this board. I have 70 or so dives, most pretty much solo, 110' to 120' often in not great vis, but I have never really been uncomfortable. I have great life insurance,good gear and have always felt comfortable down below. My wife decided she too wanted to dive a few months ago, she got certified, we got her great gear(identical to mine) , did her two OW dives together and everything went fine.Heres the problem. Having her down there pretty much scares the crap out of me. I really could not tell ya too much about the two dives we have done together, all I could really concentrate on was her. And these were shallow, warm water, easy dives. The only time we have been closer than we were on those first two ascents was our honeymoon. For those of you who dive with significant others, does it get easier with time? If I got hurt out there I could deal with it, but I really don't know if I could deal with it if she did.
Diving with your sighnificant other
- Thread starter BradB
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
It's something worth thinking about and I do. I dive with my wife and our dives are mostly caves and wrecks. We dive close together and watch each other close. It isn't because we're afraid something is going to happen. It's so we're prepared to respond WHEN it does.
My son also dives. I'm the one who started the whole thing. My son wants to start cave diving now and I often wonder if I'm always going to be happy with myself for getting them all underwater.
I think that as you're wife gains experience and you gain confidence in her abilities you'll enjoy it more.
My son also dives. I'm the one who started the whole thing. My son wants to start cave diving now and I often wonder if I'm always going to be happy with myself for getting them all underwater.
I think that as you're wife gains experience and you gain confidence in her abilities you'll enjoy it more.
Deep Lake
Registered
My wife is in the process of getting certified (we are having problems with her right ear). My son started diving with me a month ago. I have found the most important thing for me when I dive with either of them is good visibility. I also will dive just about any water conditions by myself or with other experienced divers but with my family I want to keep it simple and safe. Slowly but surely I am getting more comfortable with my son in the water. Ultimatley I think it depends on your confidence in their ability to handle a bad situation. Good Luck!!!
Dan
Dan
reubencahn
Contributor
My wife was a diver when I met her, and had been diving longer than I had, so I had never really worried about her. On the other hand, my son began diving May of 2002. It took me almost a year to be able to do anything other than watch him while we were diving. He has definitely changed my diving. I am less aggressive and more safety concious. My whole understanding of what it means to be a dive buddy has changed. I've altered my equipment. I am taking other courses. I think I'm now past the point of obsessing, but I don't think I will ever return to the casual dive buddy attitude I had before--which is fine--I don't want to.
rab
Contributor
I'm newly certified and my wife isn't too anxious to get certified anytime soon.
However, my 11 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter have both expressed an interest in diving. (And my 8 yr old's eyes lit up when the LDS owner said she could do a "Discover SCUBA" in the pool as an 8yr old.)
My wife is quite hesitant to let our children do scuba and I may be "milking" the situation to get my Rescue Diver cert.
When we were on our honeymoon (16 yrs ago), we took a snokelling trip on a glass-bottomed boat in Key Largo (FL) and she was hesitant, but loved it. Stayed at the surface, but that was enough for her to enjoy it.
I'd love for her to warm to the idea of getting certified if only to draw her into this growing obsession (well, it's not that bad
), but I'll be taking it slowly. (She's still not fully accepting the idea that it'll be another $1000+ before I've got a full set of gear!)
-Rob
However, my 11 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter have both expressed an interest in diving. (And my 8 yr old's eyes lit up when the LDS owner said she could do a "Discover SCUBA" in the pool as an 8yr old.)
My wife is quite hesitant to let our children do scuba and I may be "milking" the situation to get my Rescue Diver cert.
When we were on our honeymoon (16 yrs ago), we took a snokelling trip on a glass-bottomed boat in Key Largo (FL) and she was hesitant, but loved it. Stayed at the surface, but that was enough for her to enjoy it.
I'd love for her to warm to the idea of getting certified if only to draw her into this growing obsession (well, it's not that bad
), but I'll be taking it slowly. (She's still not fully accepting the idea that it'll be another $1000+ before I've got a full set of gear!)-Rob
when we are in familiar areas and within our comfort zones. When we go to new places, deeper places, lower vis, whatever, we stick closer together. We communicate to each other, like if we are on a wreck, not IN it, we will separate and agree to meet at the line or another designated point in 10 minutes or whatever.
This works for us, it is not a system for everyone. That is the diving within your limits part. When I dive with my kids, I stick to them like glue. My husband does the same. When I am buddied with anyone besides my husband, I stay with them the whole time.
Julie
This works for us, it is not a system for everyone. That is the diving within your limits part. When I dive with my kids, I stick to them like glue. My husband does the same. When I am buddied with anyone besides my husband, I stay with them the whole time.
Julie
I won't say weaker diver because my wife is a very meticulous, safe diver. But she doesn't like anything deeper than 50fsw without amazing structure, isn't real comfortable with less than 50+ feet of viz and 75+ degree water. Works out great on vacation but she won't dive the PNW at all. I don't push her past her comfort zone, and she doesn't mind being left behind when the target is deep/low viz/wreck, etc.
Karl_in_Calif
Banned
I cope with uncertainty and risk by making sure my fiance' has the best gear, the best gas, the best dive site, and the best training that I can give her.
The best gear, identical to mine, is ScubaPro regs and Zeagle B/Cs. The best tanks are Faber steel. I would also have gotten her a trilaminate shell drysuit by now, but she prefers diving in her freediving wetsuit because "it is one less thing to think about compared with a drysuit".
The best gas is nitrox, normally EAN36 since I do not take her deeper than about 60 ft.
The best dive site is normally a cove of some sort.
The best training is by me, and I do not trust anyone else. I taught her to use the necklace configuration for her back up second stage, and to donate her primary.
When I am diving with her, I do not think about anything else except her.
Sound familiar?
The best gear, identical to mine, is ScubaPro regs and Zeagle B/Cs. The best tanks are Faber steel. I would also have gotten her a trilaminate shell drysuit by now, but she prefers diving in her freediving wetsuit because "it is one less thing to think about compared with a drysuit".
The best gas is nitrox, normally EAN36 since I do not take her deeper than about 60 ft.
The best dive site is normally a cove of some sort.
The best training is by me, and I do not trust anyone else. I taught her to use the necklace configuration for her back up second stage, and to donate her primary.
When I am diving with her, I do not think about anything else except her.
Sound familiar?
SeaJay
Contributor
And I can certainly understand everyone's apprehension.
I've been blessed with RavenC's excellent study habits and athletic grace... When she found out that I was getting serious about the sport and getting certified, she asked me to "hold off for her" so that we could take the class together.
That was a tough decision... But I decided not to... And instead took the classes and brought everything home to her so she could see. It was easy for her to get excited about it, too. She took the next available class, and quickly caught up to my previous experience and couple-week advantage in taking the class early.
It was important to me that she understood that I was going to be a diver, with or without her... But that I'd prefer to share it with her. I gave her loads of encouragement and we've dived together at every opportunity.
RavenC's a single mother, and I understand that sometimes I have a little extra cash to go and blow on dive trips or gear, when she's got more important places for her money to be. Thus, I've helped her all along the way in terms of buying not just *my* gear, but my buddy's gear as well. After all, I definitely want to share those experiences with her.
I went ahead and took DIR-F when she wasn't too sure about that idea... I came back and gave her a full report, and have shared with her some of the things I learned... That's done wonderful things for our relationship, and of course, it sorta puts us on "the same page" with each other, too.
She's truly an amazing diver... There's not many divers I know of who can catch fish with their bare hands (big ones, too) or handle a double reg failure at depth without panicking. And best of all, our underwater lines of communication are tops. Being able to communicate with your buddy - sometimes in zero vis - is truly an awesome thing.
...So it's boiled down to a mutual understanding - we both agree not to "hold back" the other diver, but we both encourage - and want - for the other diver to be there. I would prefer to dive with her over any diver in the world.
Then... If one of us has an issue, or if one of us learns something new... We bring it to the other and "kick it around" a while. It's made for an awesome team.
...And that's what I see is the big issue here... Not diving with your "significant other," but diving with your "significant other" when your "significant other" has a radically different skill set than you do. And frankly, no matter who your buddy is... If they're diving a radically different skill set than you, there's bound to be all sorts of apprehensions - and problems. You've got a right to worry.
So for the safety of yourself - and for your significant other's enjoyment - I would say that when you and your buddy are on a "different page," so to speak, you need to correct that. I'll tell you what works for us - diving. Lots of it. Remember to start with the really simple dives first, and work on complex skills on those simple dives. GUE calls them "practice days." Regularly dive in a pool or whatever, and work on perfect buoyancy, horizontal trim, gas management, finning styles - the works. Only then take it to open water.
...And for chrissakes, enjoy the dive... Even the simple ones. Enjoy it because your "significant other" is willing to share that with you. Enjoy watching them achieve and get excited. Enjoy watching them experience everything that you did.
Of course, this requires an enthusiastic "significant other." If he/she's not keen on the sport, then you might want to find another activity that you can participate in together. Diving's not for everyone, and if he/she's just doing it as a favor to you, then maybe y'all need a better activity - then agree that sometimes you want to go diving with the boys - and understand that sometimes she might want to go shopping with the girls.
I've been blessed with RavenC's excellent study habits and athletic grace... When she found out that I was getting serious about the sport and getting certified, she asked me to "hold off for her" so that we could take the class together.
That was a tough decision... But I decided not to... And instead took the classes and brought everything home to her so she could see. It was easy for her to get excited about it, too. She took the next available class, and quickly caught up to my previous experience and couple-week advantage in taking the class early.
It was important to me that she understood that I was going to be a diver, with or without her... But that I'd prefer to share it with her. I gave her loads of encouragement and we've dived together at every opportunity.
RavenC's a single mother, and I understand that sometimes I have a little extra cash to go and blow on dive trips or gear, when she's got more important places for her money to be. Thus, I've helped her all along the way in terms of buying not just *my* gear, but my buddy's gear as well. After all, I definitely want to share those experiences with her.
I went ahead and took DIR-F when she wasn't too sure about that idea... I came back and gave her a full report, and have shared with her some of the things I learned... That's done wonderful things for our relationship, and of course, it sorta puts us on "the same page" with each other, too.
She's truly an amazing diver... There's not many divers I know of who can catch fish with their bare hands (big ones, too) or handle a double reg failure at depth without panicking. And best of all, our underwater lines of communication are tops. Being able to communicate with your buddy - sometimes in zero vis - is truly an awesome thing.
...So it's boiled down to a mutual understanding - we both agree not to "hold back" the other diver, but we both encourage - and want - for the other diver to be there. I would prefer to dive with her over any diver in the world.
Then... If one of us has an issue, or if one of us learns something new... We bring it to the other and "kick it around" a while. It's made for an awesome team.
...And that's what I see is the big issue here... Not diving with your "significant other," but diving with your "significant other" when your "significant other" has a radically different skill set than you do. And frankly, no matter who your buddy is... If they're diving a radically different skill set than you, there's bound to be all sorts of apprehensions - and problems. You've got a right to worry.
So for the safety of yourself - and for your significant other's enjoyment - I would say that when you and your buddy are on a "different page," so to speak, you need to correct that. I'll tell you what works for us - diving. Lots of it. Remember to start with the really simple dives first, and work on complex skills on those simple dives. GUE calls them "practice days." Regularly dive in a pool or whatever, and work on perfect buoyancy, horizontal trim, gas management, finning styles - the works. Only then take it to open water.
...And for chrissakes, enjoy the dive... Even the simple ones. Enjoy it because your "significant other" is willing to share that with you. Enjoy watching them achieve and get excited. Enjoy watching them experience everything that you did.
Of course, this requires an enthusiastic "significant other." If he/she's not keen on the sport, then you might want to find another activity that you can participate in together. Diving's not for everyone, and if he/she's just doing it as a favor to you, then maybe y'all need a better activity - then agree that sometimes you want to go diving with the boys - and understand that sometimes she might want to go shopping with the girls.
Karl_in_Calif
Banned
NO way!
If she/he is not keen on the sport, find another sig. oth.
Similar threads
