Divemaster touching me

[annasea]

<snip>

As a woman, and a woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself, I would never dive in a foreign country without someone I know. Just a word of advise for the future to all divers...take a buddy you know and trust. <snip>

Can't say I agree with this. Be mindful, of course, but creeps can be found anywhere. To assume you'll only have these sorts of run-ins in a country other than your own is just plain wrong. I've dived in Cuba and the Philippines with no trouble whatsoever... by myself. I plan to continue solo dive trips as I enjoy the freedom they allow. To each his/her own, I guess, but I prefer to be prepared rather than paranoid.

 

[SCUBAJENNIFER]

I've been watching this thread since the OP started it and I guess I'm going to join the minority. I've traveled pretty extensively and I don't think this is creepy behavior. It sounds like to me that he thought she was scared and was trying to make her feel comfortable. These DM's usually work for little or nothing and survive on tips. He was trying to do what he thought would make her comfortable. They will usually bend over back wards to be helpful and if she didn't give him ANY indication that she was uncomfortable, why would he stop?? He didn't try to kiss her, grope her or anything like that. He held her hand! I think a simple, "Hey *insert name here*, I don't really need you to hold my hand" would have sufficed. He probably would have been embarrassed and apologetic. I think it's terrible that people are talking about trying to get him fired. I'm sorry that it has effected her, but at 53, I think you should have been able to say something if it was so terrible.

I'm curious as well about the tip!

As a side note, my very first night dive 7 years ago ended badly and I was completely terrified to do another one for years. I was on vacation in Grand Turk a couple years after that and one of the DM's asked me if I was going on the night dive and I said NO WAY!! He kept telling me how great it would be and that it would be safe, not like my last one. He finally convinced me to go and I hyperventilated on the boat ride out. He held my hand throughout the entire dive, never left me and it turned out to be one of the best dives I've ever had and I've never been afraid since. Needless to say, I gave a tip to the shop to split between the DM's that week and then I gave Paul extra on the side for helping me overcome that fear.

 

[SelkieDVM]

Unless you have been a victim, quit speculating. Unwanted touch or contact is just that no matter where you are. And, countries that deal with a high volume of tourist know better.

As a woman, and a woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself, I would never dive in a foreign country without someone I know. Just a word of advise for the future to all divers...take a buddy you know and trust.

I am sorry that this happen to a fellow diver. I can not imagine how you felt in that uncomfortable situation, in the ocean, with only this creep to get you back to shore safely. Good luck on your next trip...and next time kick him where it counts!!!!!

All of the diving I have done outside the US has been as a woman traveling solo. If it makes you uncomfortable then don't do it, but I will decline to take your advice.

 

[philliosmaximus]

this is not appropriate behavior,when iam teaching a nervous student i will sometimes hold there hand to reasure them that iam close by and all is well.You should report it to their agency as this person sounds very lecherous to me,iam concerd that you didnt say anything to him after the first dive,but that is no excuse for his behaveour,he should have his butt kicked for this.

 

[sibermike7]

Seriously though, OP did provide quite a few facts and opinions. She may have omitted to mention whether or not she "tipped", but give her a break, she may not have even thought about it when relating the story. I don't think that the omission could be called, "fishy."

However, it would be appreciated if she clarified that point.

 

[pidgiepoo]

READY!... FIRE... ummm... AIM...

How long has it been since you've been out of band camp??? Just kidding. You are correct about my use of the word "fishy" and I will try to pick a better word in the future(how about strange).However I just think it's weird that the op has already answered some of the posts, but hasn't answered the tip question even after being asked a few times by more than one person. Maybe she will answer the question today and things will no longer seem "strange".

 

[AbyssalPlains]

What is it you want from the dive shop? No doubt, the dive shop would just like this to go away.

What do you plan on doing?

Oh, that's right!! We in America, remember?? Never mind that the original poster's intent was to relate her - terrible - experience and ask for other divers' experiences. Let's make this not about finding solutions, let's make this about $$$. The American way - who needs solutions when you can sue someone's ass?

 

[CoralSeaMan]

It would not surprise me that the OP did not respond to the questions about tipping because she got tired of being considered a greedy, insensative person, without the ability to care for herself along with all of the other criticism of her.

I do admit to being surprised at the number of people who did not consider the DM's behavior blatantly inappropriate. To keep it simple, this was not a social gathering, it was a business relationship. The fact that it was in Mexico does not change that dynamic. Some felt her response was not strong enough; OK. For those who believe she overreacted - I think you are mistaken. Cultural differences are real. None the less, many "cultural differences" are actually oppressive. What happened to the OP is not a "cultural difference." We are talking about Mexico not Mars (which I am using only as a metaphore for a place with a significantly greater possibility of cultural differences than the U.S.'s immediate geographic neighbor) More importantly, the OP felt uncomfortable. The issue is whether her actions were appropriate not her emotional response.

 

[sibermike7]

It would not surprise me that the OP did not respond to the questions about tipping because she got tired of being considered a greedy, insensative person, without the ability to care for herself along with all of the other criticism of her.

Wow, I didn't get that from the posters? I do agree that some disagreed with her and I also admit that those that were "hardest" on her were mostly women! There were a few idiots but I think that most offered very positive information even if it may not have been in agreement with the OP! There is such a thing as constructive criticism. I do not see any reason for the OP to NOT disclose whether or not she tipped the DM and or shop/boat and how much. I don't think that anyone has called her cheap and she wasn't the one thinking of suing the shop (at least I didn't get that from her posts).

I do admit to being surprised at the number of people who did not consider the DM's behavior blatantly inappropriate.

That should be a clue right there. We are not dealing with Neanderthals here. If I had a bunch of people that I respect telling me I might have taken something wrong, I would certainly pay attention!

To keep it simple, this was not a social gathering, it was a business relationship. The fact that it was in Mexico does not change that dynamic.

You had better believe it does!
My fiest response was to deck the guy but the more I read and listened the more I learned myself and I began to see that the OP could have and should have been more forceful with her expressing her discomfort. She admitted that!! Good for her!

Cultural differences are real. None the less, many "cultural differences" are actually oppressive. What happened to the OP is not a "cultural difference." We are talking about Mexico not Mars (which I am using only as a metaphore for a place with a significantly greater possibility of cultural differences than the U.S.'s immediate geographic neighbor)

This seems a little contradictory and confusing. Anyone that has ever traveled the US knows that there are cultural difference within our own borders that could be offensive to others. Mexico is a lot different in some ways. I can honestly see that this guy may have been trying to weasel more money out of this woman. By her not stopping the action it escalated a lot on the second dive.

The OP has admitted that it won't happen again. Good. Good for her and good for anyone that is in her situation.

 

[austriandiveress]

We are beating a dead horse here, but: CoralSeaMan, I understand your point about the OP probably feeling attacked; nobody likes this feeling. Nevertheless, I understood her initial question to be adressed primarily to the women here: she wanted to know if we would feel what she felt and how we would then react. We answered her, some agreed with her, some disagreed, like myself. (That not all the posts were particularly serious is a casualty of the internet and only to be expected)
You stated that "many cultural differences are actually oppressive". That seems to me to be a judgement on your part that indicates that YOUR cultural customs are ok, but those of others are not. I would expect that this guy in Mexico (even though he isnt on Mars) finds his actions perfectly ok, provided that he wasnt trying to hit on the OP, but simply help her. None of us know what was in his head at the time.
And lets face it, people belonging to different cultures DO often have very contrary views about what is acceptable behaviour between men and women, be it during leisure time or even business. In my view, if we cant accept this point and be a little flexible in our judgement of others then we shouldnt travel outside our own cultures.