You already convinced yourself that you can't do that, yet you ask? No offense but that is pure trolling. Doesn't seem like you expected to gain anything from our answers besides pointing a finger at bad DIR guys who will undoubtedly refuse to dive with you because you a) have no DIR training, b) are a smoker
I hate to disappoint you, but DIR guys I know will dive with people without DIR training as long as they feel it can be safely executed. But you are also partially right - most divers I know will be hardly enjoying a day on a boat with someone who blows smoke in their faces and eventually proceeds to throw cig butt overboard. That dislike has nothing to do with agency they trained with or how much they conform to DIR.