I want to expand upon the good suggestion earlier in this thread that you not try to force it. The valsalva method you are probably using is very effective when the eustachian tubes are not fully closed, but it is not a good method when they are closed. It uses no real muscle activity, only the force of moving air to try to push through the closed spaces. This effort can be part of a chain of events that can cause what's called a round window rupture within your ear.
The suggestions for swallowing, moving your neck, etc. will help in conjunction with the valsalva because they involve muscle action that can open up the tubes enough to let in the air.
The key is this: if you feel pain, your tubes are already too closed for an easy valsalva to work. My strongest suggestion would be to ascend immediately to a level where you feel no pain, then go back to the valsalva (and other suggested movements) to see if it will work. The lack of pain means the pressure has been reduced in the tubes, and it will be easier to open them up.
And relax. If you get tense about it, it only gets worse. Trouble equalizing is very common in beginning divers because their ears have not had to do this kind of work often, and those ears are a tad lazy. As you get more expereinced, so will your ears. When I was beginning, I had so much trouble I seriously wondered if I would be able to continue diving. Now, although I normally have no trouble whatsoever, I still have had occasions when I have had to work to get down to the deep end of the pool in a confined water class, and I have seen instructors stuck near the surface for a while in OW checkout dives. It happens to everyone, and if you give the "trouble equalizing" signal, people will be patient and understanding.