My first engagement fell apart about eight years ago. We were both in school at the time--she in law school, I in my MBA program. In college, things had been good, but in our graduate programs, our relationship seemed strained. Finally, we called it off. She applied to another law school in mid-semester and was accepted, and she promptly found another boyfriend.
I lack words to describe the kind of anguish I experienced after we parted. It was a challenge to get out of bed in the morning. It seemed like all the joy had been sucked from my life. Nothing I did brought me happiness. Even schussing down the mountain in Utah powder wasn't any fun, because I kept remembering how good she looked on the slopes beside me. I felt like the only reason I was still doing anything was by sheer force of will.
I started working full-time in addition to attending class full-time. I filled my life with tasks that kept me from thinking about her. It took a month or two, but I became functional again. Of course, then I went into rebound mode--short, meaningless relationships. I can't tell you how much money I spent on excessively lavish dates. I was flying girls in from out of state nearly every weekend simply on the rumor from a friend that "this one is perfect for you." I was a great sugar daddy, which was probably my way of maintaining an illusion of intimacy while keeping control of the situation. That phase lasted for a couple years and finally I got tired of the shallow relationships and constant cash outflow. If only I had spent that money on SCUBA, I'd own a liveaboard now.
Finally, I got set up with a girl from California. I was in love with her from the first date, and she's now my wife. It took a few years, but I got through the heartbreak. I don't know about the revenge thing, but I suppose my brand of it is being able to point to a picture in a BodyGlove catalog, or the pages of a magazine, or a movie and say "she's my wife."
Which reminds me...I should get some flowers on the way home tonight. I'm really a lucky guy.
Hang in there. You'll get through it.
