Blonde

[m3830431]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

 

[m3830431]

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk into a bar. For the sake of brevity, each one orders her drink with an abbreviated code word. The brunette walks up to the bartender and says, "Hey give me an ML." The bartender nods his head and hands her a Miller Lite.
Following her, the redhead walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a BL." Giving her a nod, the bartender pulls up a Bud Lite.

Last, the blonde walks up to the bartender and says, "Give me a Fifteen."

"A Fifteen?" the bartender replies, "What the hell is that?"

"Oh, you know," the blonde says, "A Seven and Seven."

 

[Cacia]

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Today and tomorrow."

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

That might be the best clean one I have ever heard.

 

[BTravlin]

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive,
double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows
had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet.
Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his
fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... Namely, that in just
ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo"? "It's been a year"! I told him.....
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about
forgetting the guarantee they made me.
Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.

 

[micboucher]

Biker Bar

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to
a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while , he yells
to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls
absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, since you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No........not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

[m3830431]

Why do blondes have T.G.I.F on their shoes?



Answer: Toes Go In First

 

[m3830431]

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.

Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

 

[300bar]

Lest there be any doubt why blonde jokes exist, see this little video clip.
Rick

That sums it up quite nicely

Not sure it's only because she's blonde

 

[m3830431]

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

 

[m3830431]

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"