The issue may not be a PADI issue but a shop issue.
I agree, with this part of the statement. I am aware of no PADI 'position' that defines a BP/W as 'tech' gear, nor prohibits the use in teaching recreational courses.
If my instructor is wearing it it is what I should get, inference by the shop.
Interesting. I haven't necessarily seen this attitude - as a driver for requiring instructors to use a jacket BCD - but I guess it is possible.
2 the shop wants Instructors and DM's using the brands of gear that they sell.
That part is not at all uncommon. It should not be an issue for an instructor unless the shop sells a brand that does not have a BP/W in their product line.
Our shop is a 'wear what the students are wearing' facility, at the OW level. For group OW classes, we put students in a jacket, and we ask instructors to therefore conduct the classes in a jacket. For private OW classes, we can use whatever we prefer (shop brands, of course), although the owner encourages us to wear what we put the student in. At the AOW level we are encouraged to show the student divers different gear configurations to broaden their perspective, be it using a soft back-inflate BCD or a hard back-inflate (BP/W), or using long hose and bungeed necklace.
Last year, I completed private Open Water dives with a student who had completed her CW training in a university program in another state, in which regulators with 'standard' hose lengths were used (40" alternate and shorter primary), but with the alternate used by the diver for breathing and the primary resting below the chin, on a bungee necklace )in an OOA, the diver donate the alternate from their mouth and moves to the bungeed primary). Her CW instructor made me aware of this in advance. I put a bungee necklace on the primary second stage of her student reg, and on my OW reg, and away we went. I later suggested to the owner of our shop that we make the switch altogether (NC State teaches the same configuration for OW classes), but he ultimately declined because it would require that we change across the board and some of our instructors are not familiar with the configuration. For private OW classes, I am free to use that configuration.
I think consistency - between instructor and student, and across instructors - may be as much a goal in these cases, as a 'use what we want to sell you' attitude. In the case of the OP's friend, it does sound like perhaps the shop is feeding her a bit of a line.