A MESSAGE TO MY PETS
When I say Move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still at least two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw & little birdie foot prints are yours and contain your food,
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw, foot or feather in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find
that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space used, is nothing but sarcasm. Oh yes... and my
hair is not a nest.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, scream, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this
room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been
using bathrooms for years. Canine, Feline, or Feathered attendance has
never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animal or your
butt. I cannot stress this enough! It would be such a simple change for
you.
In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the
following message on our front door:
Our Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About
Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't
2. If you don't want their hair on your cloths, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is either feathered & flies or short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.
5. Birds, Dogs,and Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask
for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't
smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't
wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
sorry, I no longer have the authors name
__________________When I say Move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still at least two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw & little birdie foot prints are yours and contain your food,
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw, foot or feather in the middle of my plate and food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find
that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space used, is nothing but sarcasm. Oh yes... and my
hair is not a nest.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, scream, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this
room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been
using bathrooms for years. Canine, Feline, or Feathered attendance has
never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animal or your
butt. I cannot stress this enough! It would be such a simple change for
you.
In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the
following message on our front door:
Our Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About
Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't
2. If you don't want their hair on your cloths, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is either feathered & flies or short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.
5. Birds, Dogs,and Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask
for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't
smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't
wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
sorry, I no longer have the authors name
Now, if pets could just read...........
