When is it okay to abandon your dive buddy?

[Wibble]

This is the basic scuba forum...

One thing that's important when getting 'buddied' up with people on the boat is that you really don't know what that person's like.

As an experienced diver who mainly dives solo -- even if with other divers -- I don't have any particular desire to babysit anyone. I'll make that very clear on the boat to the dive leader and am happy to swap around to someone with a similar attitude. During the dive I'm absolutely not there to do the dive leader's job; I've paid for that dive just like anyone else. Of course I'll help someone in trouble in a heartbeat, but I'm not going chasing after someone who's swum off especially if there's an interesting rock/coral/fish/lobster to look at.

Not sure if that's a warning or not; just be aware of insta-buddies.

The same's very definitely applicable to photographers. They'll be engrossed in their camera and wouldn't even notice a shoal of mermaids swimming around them let alone a buddy that's failed to monitor their gas.

 

[Khrissi]

Seems to be common, this . Had a couple of 'buddies' that totally ignored me on dives . However am sure I would hear abt 'being ignored ' when buddied with my partner K

 

[scubaozy]

I think problem is the lack of dive plan. Follow the dm is not a decent dive plan. You lost the sight of him/her and both of you did not have agreed scenarios you should follow. You tried to improvise but its really hard to communicate underwater, so each playing different tune. You or your buddy should have understood the reasoning and intention of signaling one or the other direction, because you discussed possible scenarios prior diving, which should include if you loose the group.

 

[VikingDives]

Btw, spouse is my dive buddy and you’re doing marriage counseling…

Nobody can have a fight underwater like a married couple. I've been there and done that years ago myself. Intervening in similar situation years ago - the diver was getting ready to panic and bolt to the surface after her husband swam into a silted swim-through - led me to take a rescue course.

How long has it been since you've taken a class? Upping your skills with some good training will increase your situational awareness and confidence.

 

[Wibble]

Talking of classes, it’s perfectly reasonable to pay a good instructor for personal coaching. This can be extremely good value for money given how much you can gain from a session.

 

[drrich2]

I see you've whacked the 'buddy dive obligations or lack-thereof' hornets' nest. Always a fun look at the diversity of opinion even amongst avid divers on Scuba Board, much less what people were taught in OW class vs. what they see on day boat trips. Spiced up with marital drama! Been there, done that; years ago when my wife was diving, she was prone to helicoptering in Bonaire so she could 'watch' us, I guess; vigorous efforts to get her to quit that and keep up (I wasn't fast) were in vain. Yeah...

You ran into some sympathetic situations.
1.) Possibly unplanned situations - swim throughs not in your comfort zone. Hard to discuss what to do pre-dive when you don't know this is going to happen. I, too, sometimes follow bubbles over the reef while others swim through.
2.) Different ability levels at cutting into current. Had a lean, fit, athletic dive buddy who was like a minnow. I...am more bearish looking. He could cut through the water; I could not. I got the impression some lean, fit people don't intuitively understand I can't cut though current like they can, and wear myself out trying.
3.) Miscommunication. People vary in their ability to intuitively understand what someone else is trying to say with gestures. I'm not good at it.
4.) Different comfort levels for separation. If you explore old threads, you'll see views on proper buddy diving procedure (in good, high-viz. warm water conditions) vary between 'side-by-side, in each other's peripheral vision' and '15 feet apart is fine, following the guide-led group, and we glance at each other once in awhile.'

I, too, recommend a Rescue Diver course, and a Solo Diver course, not to ditch your spouse, but to improve your confidence in your ability to 'own your own dive' to the point you don't feel dependent on your buddy as your 'life line.' While it's not ideal, faith you'll be okay if he swims off counts for something.

There's another situation that may come up over time, and you guys may want to work out in advance what to do. Exit protocol, either early in a dive (when one diver needs to abort), or at dive's end. Let's say one of you gets 15 feet deep and can't equalize, or you're deeper and have some other issue, and need to abort the dive. You're under the boat. There are 2 issues. The first issue is whether the other diver is free to go with the group (allegedly with the guide as 'buddy') after you're squared away, or is obligated to call the dive, too. People will disagree on this.

The second issue is what 'duty of care' the buddy owes the diver aborting the dive. I see 3 schools of thought. The first is you watch your buddy reach the boat, possibly at a hang bar or safety stop line near the surface. The buddy is non-distressed, and may even wave you on to go dive. Are you good to go? The second is you can hang at 10 or 15 feet deep, watch your buddy at the exit ladder at the back of the boat, obviously with head above water and attached to the boat...and you can fin off to join the group. The third is you are obligated to exit with him/her, and basically baby sit all the way back to sitting on a bench (no dive for you).

A big question is what you expect out of each other. I think some consider a dive buddy a spare air tank finning along in the general vicinity, that I should be able to find and fin to if I have an out-of-air emergency. Some may think a buddy obliged to frequently check on and monitor the well-being of the other buddy (e.g.: is he acting narced?), and know some rescue skills like unconscious diver recovery if the buddy has a seizure or something.

 

[scoobajay]

A few clarifications…it wasn’t an Insta buddy, it was my spouse. I don’t think I would expect much of anyone I just met, but a long time dive buddy or partner I feel like there’s surely a greater sense of “I got your back”.

We had just taken a refresher course as it had been a couple years since our last dive. That likely contributed to both of us still feeling a little rusty and nervous.

I do find this all pretty interesting. A few years back I posted about a near panic after buddy and other divers went into an overhead environment I wasn’t comfortable with. I pretty much got railed for getting separated from my buddy.

I like the narrow beam of light idea someone posted. What are other good options for better communication? Noisemakers? Tank bangers?

 

[Wibble]

The noise makers just annoy everyone. You cannot determine direction underwater so, for the rest of us, please no

More time underwater definitely helps with chilling out. The main thing you've taken from this is you've been thinking about what happened and what 'you' could do to mitigate this. That's a good thing.

 

[scoobajay]

I see you've whacked the 'buddy dive obligations or lack-thereof' hornets' nest. Always a fun look at the diversity of opinion even amongst avid divers on Scuba Board, much less what people were taught in OW class vs. what they see on day boat trips. Spiced up with marital drama! Been there, done that; years ago when my wife was diving, she was prone to helicoptering in Bonaire so she could 'watch' us, I guess; vigorous efforts to get her to quit that and keep up (I wasn't fast) were in vain. Yeah...

You ran into some sympathetic situations.
1.) Possibly unplanned situations - swim throughs not in your comfort zone. Hard to discuss what to do pre-dive when you don't know this is going to happen. I, too, sometimes follow bubbles over the reef while others swim through.
2.) Different ability levels at cutting into current. Had a lean, fit, athletic dive buddy who was like a minnow. I...am more bearish looking. He could cut through the water; I could not. I got the impression some lean, fit people don't intuitively understand I can't cut though current like they can, and wear myself out trying.
3.) Miscommunication. People vary in their ability to intuitively understand what someone else is trying to say with gestures. I'm not good at it.
4.) Different comfort levels for separation. If you explore old threads, you'll see views on proper buddy diving procedure (in good, high-viz. warm water conditions) vary between 'side-by-side, in each other's peripheral vision' and '15 feet apart is fine, following the guide-led group, and we glance at each other once in awhile.'

I, too, recommend a Rescue Diver course, and a Solo Diver course, not to ditch your spouse, but to improve your confidence in your ability to 'own your own dive' to the point you don't feel dependent on your buddy as your 'life line.' While it's not ideal, faith you'll be okay if he swims off counts for something.

There's another situation that may come up over time, and you guys may want to work out in advance what to do. Exit protocol, either early in a dive (when one diver needs to abort), or at dive's end. Let's say one of you gets 15 feet deep and can't equalize, or you're deeper and have some other issue, and need to abort the dive. You're under the boat. There are 2 issues. The first issue is whether the other diver is free to go with the group (allegedly with the guide as 'buddy') after you're squared away, or is obligated to call the dive, too. People will disagree on this.

The second issue is what 'duty of care' the buddy owes the diver aborting the dive. I see 3 schools of thought. The first is you watch your buddy reach the boat, possibly at a hang bar or safety stop line near the surface. The buddy is non-distressed, and may even wave you on to go dive. Are you good to go? The second is you can hang at 10 or 15 feet deep, watch your buddy at the exit ladder at the back of the boat, obviously with head above water and attached to the boat...and you can fin off to join the group. The third is you are obligated to exit with him/her, and basically baby sit all the way back to sitting on a bench (no dive for you).

A big question is what you expect out of each other. I think some consider a dive buddy a spare air tank finning along in the general vicinity, that I should be able to find and fin to if I have an out-of-air emergency. Some may think a buddy obliged to frequently check on and monitor the well-being of the other buddy (e.g.: is he acting narced?), and know some rescue skills like unconscious diver recovery if the buddy has a seizure or something.

All great points! I always appreciate what you have to say.

I’ve dove with family members before and I always felt so protective of them - way different than diving with some rando on a boat. I never felt the need to do much communication ahead of time bc..well, it’s my SISTER and I’d die before I let something happen. So, we stay close, we do lots of checks. If she goes up, I go up. Guess my husband is not as much of a softie and I need to prepare for that. I didn’t even know you could do a solo course but it sounds like an excellent idea! Thank you

 

[scoobajay]

The noise makers just annoy everyone. You cannot determine direction underwater so, for the rest of us, please no

More time underwater definitely helps with chilling out. The main thing you've taken from this is you've been thinking about what happened and what 'you' could do to mitigate this. That's a good thing.

Hahaha. I totally agree. I’d have everyone looking at me trying to figure out where the shark is.

I tend to hyper analyze everything that happens underwater…maybe a good thing, maybe not, lol