fuzzybabybunny
Contributor
Maybe I should have posted this in Near Misses and Lessons Learned 
So a few days ago Im getting hammered in the back of my home in Pacific Grove, CA and playing drunken catch with my buddy Roger, when I get an email notification on my phone from the California Bay Area Divers yahoo group that the conditions have been great at Monastery Beach in Carmel. Ive been hankering to get myself wet for a while now so I decide to go diving before lunchtime. I put away the ball, close the trunk of my home, and stumble into the drivers seat next to Roger. Ive already got all my diving gear with me but Im feeling a little queasy at this point, so I take a few quick hits of MJ to counteract the sensations before we drive off. Its feeling like a boat up in this here car!
3 hours later Roger and I make it to Monastery Beach and proceed to don our gear. It took me ages to get my drysuit on because I was having some serious coordination problems trying to roll on my condom catheter and piss valve, which is mandatory after all that drinking, and you can take that to the BANK! To make matters worse, I take another 30 minutes to help Roger put on his custom whiz-bang suit. Finally I strap on my single AL80 and with Roger beside me I silently devise our dive plan, which includes get into water and dont die.
Suddenly I wake up on the beach and realize I must have passed out for a while. Roger had been pushing me around because hes eager to get into the water. I get up and stumble down to the entry on the north end. We get tumbled around a couple times in the washing machine but after a few minutes were past the breakers and in the open water. I have a bad feeling about this dive and Im throwing up a bit after having swallowed all that seawater, but Ive already come this far so I should continue. I grab Roger and we both descend into about 60 feet and start heading towards the Carmel Canyon.
The viz sucks. The Yahoo group is a bunch of lying bastards. Its like 10 feet up (down) in here.
We get to the edge of the canyon and start to dive past 100 feet. At this point I see a huge ling cod chilling on a ledge so I descend head first with Roger and proceed to have a staring contest with it. Im narced to **** at this point and still a little (lot) hammered and high, but all that doesnt matter because the water feels AMAZING. It was the happiest feeling in the world and I highly recommend everyone try ecstasy because rolling on E while youre engulfed in water is indescribable. You know guys, we all should be nice to each other. After all, all anyone really has is right now, the moment. No past, no future, just now. Existence in the present. If we all just treated everyone with love the world would be a much better place. I love you all and Ive always got your back no matter what.
I felt like peeing so I let it all relax. After a bit of pressure I felt the familiar sensation of that warmth you get all inside the suit. Ah, not as cold anymore. But that beeping sound is annoying and interfering with my zen moment so I look at my computer for the first time and see 200 or something. I look around and have no idea where Im at. I feel a cold wet sensation moving down my waist and to my chest area, and I realize Im hanging upside down Batman-style because air had gotten into my feet. Dont know how long thats been like that. I look down at Roger under my arm and hes in total La-La Land.
I have a feeling that we should be getting up now so I do a somersault and barf a little with the ensuing dizziness. Finally upright, I add air to the BC by pressing the purge on my octo and sit and wait for the buoyancy elevator to take me up. I do it a few more times but nothing seems to be happening, and then I realize I had been pressing the purge on my octo. I laugh at my own stupidity and proceed to put the mouthpiece of my octo up to the opening of my BC hose and pressing purge THAT way. Still not working, no matter how hard I press the mouthpiece up to the opening. Note to self: have a talk with Zeagle Eagle Beagle about this. This is a dangerous quality control issue. I orally inflate since the inflator is obviously broken as **** and we begin to rise. That beeping seriously needs to stop, and its getting louder.
Pretty soon I cant seem to breathe anymore and it takes me a moment of holding my breath to come to the conclusion that Im out of oxygen. I look at Roger and give him the out of air signal but of course he cant understand me because hes a dog and hes narced. I spit out my reg and take his octo. He doesnt care. Hes a dog. He has no idea what hes doing.
At this point my computer is going crazy and screaming to deco so alright Mr. Oceanic, Ill play along and follow your little letter things on the screen. Good thing Roger uses like no air or else youd be a disappointed little computer cuz I aint gonna be listening to you in that even.. tua.. lity.
And then I found 20 dollars on the beach. Woohoo! Enough for another pill! Cant wait to go hang gliding again!
So a few days ago Im getting hammered in the back of my home in Pacific Grove, CA and playing drunken catch with my buddy Roger, when I get an email notification on my phone from the California Bay Area Divers yahoo group that the conditions have been great at Monastery Beach in Carmel. Ive been hankering to get myself wet for a while now so I decide to go diving before lunchtime. I put away the ball, close the trunk of my home, and stumble into the drivers seat next to Roger. Ive already got all my diving gear with me but Im feeling a little queasy at this point, so I take a few quick hits of MJ to counteract the sensations before we drive off. Its feeling like a boat up in this here car!
3 hours later Roger and I make it to Monastery Beach and proceed to don our gear. It took me ages to get my drysuit on because I was having some serious coordination problems trying to roll on my condom catheter and piss valve, which is mandatory after all that drinking, and you can take that to the BANK! To make matters worse, I take another 30 minutes to help Roger put on his custom whiz-bang suit. Finally I strap on my single AL80 and with Roger beside me I silently devise our dive plan, which includes get into water and dont die.
Suddenly I wake up on the beach and realize I must have passed out for a while. Roger had been pushing me around because hes eager to get into the water. I get up and stumble down to the entry on the north end. We get tumbled around a couple times in the washing machine but after a few minutes were past the breakers and in the open water. I have a bad feeling about this dive and Im throwing up a bit after having swallowed all that seawater, but Ive already come this far so I should continue. I grab Roger and we both descend into about 60 feet and start heading towards the Carmel Canyon.
The viz sucks. The Yahoo group is a bunch of lying bastards. Its like 10 feet up (down) in here.
We get to the edge of the canyon and start to dive past 100 feet. At this point I see a huge ling cod chilling on a ledge so I descend head first with Roger and proceed to have a staring contest with it. Im narced to **** at this point and still a little (lot) hammered and high, but all that doesnt matter because the water feels AMAZING. It was the happiest feeling in the world and I highly recommend everyone try ecstasy because rolling on E while youre engulfed in water is indescribable. You know guys, we all should be nice to each other. After all, all anyone really has is right now, the moment. No past, no future, just now. Existence in the present. If we all just treated everyone with love the world would be a much better place. I love you all and Ive always got your back no matter what.
I felt like peeing so I let it all relax. After a bit of pressure I felt the familiar sensation of that warmth you get all inside the suit. Ah, not as cold anymore. But that beeping sound is annoying and interfering with my zen moment so I look at my computer for the first time and see 200 or something. I look around and have no idea where Im at. I feel a cold wet sensation moving down my waist and to my chest area, and I realize Im hanging upside down Batman-style because air had gotten into my feet. Dont know how long thats been like that. I look down at Roger under my arm and hes in total La-La Land.
I have a feeling that we should be getting up now so I do a somersault and barf a little with the ensuing dizziness. Finally upright, I add air to the BC by pressing the purge on my octo and sit and wait for the buoyancy elevator to take me up. I do it a few more times but nothing seems to be happening, and then I realize I had been pressing the purge on my octo. I laugh at my own stupidity and proceed to put the mouthpiece of my octo up to the opening of my BC hose and pressing purge THAT way. Still not working, no matter how hard I press the mouthpiece up to the opening. Note to self: have a talk with Zeagle Eagle Beagle about this. This is a dangerous quality control issue. I orally inflate since the inflator is obviously broken as **** and we begin to rise. That beeping seriously needs to stop, and its getting louder.
Pretty soon I cant seem to breathe anymore and it takes me a moment of holding my breath to come to the conclusion that Im out of oxygen. I look at Roger and give him the out of air signal but of course he cant understand me because hes a dog and hes narced. I spit out my reg and take his octo. He doesnt care. Hes a dog. He has no idea what hes doing.
At this point my computer is going crazy and screaming to deco so alright Mr. Oceanic, Ill play along and follow your little letter things on the screen. Good thing Roger uses like no air or else youd be a disappointed little computer cuz I aint gonna be listening to you in that even.. tua.. lity.
And then I found 20 dollars on the beach. Woohoo! Enough for another pill! Cant wait to go hang gliding again!
