Diving again after an incident

[RonFrank]

I am concerned about the emotions that diving may evoke due to the association with your mother. I am more concerned about the idea that you are a new diver, and your attention must be focused on your diving/skills, not anything negative that has occurred in the past.

Only you can determine if you are able to focus on diving and not your loss. If the loss is in the past and you can focus on the responsibility of the dive that is good. Remember this is a buddy activity. If diving is bringing up strong feelings you have not had since the loss, it may be too soon.

I hope you can make these determinations in a pool, and I would think 3 1/2 years is long enough, but its an individual thing. Remember that your buddy depends on you, so please don't dive unless you are in a good place to do so. Maybe do you first couple dives with an instructor if that helps.

Remember if you are UW and start to feel panicked...Stop, Think, then Act. Good advice in most situations.

Ohh, don't tell your Dad just yet until diving is firmly back in you life IMO. Your call.

Good Luck..

 

[CamG]

Greetings Kara I want to thank you for sharing your struggle as it is helping not just you but others reading.
I am very sorry for your loss and the manor in which some spoke of your mother.
I think you know now that they make up only a small number of our community.

Your willingness to come back tells me that diving touched your spirit and moves still with in your soul.
I have found that diving has become like therapy to me as it touches me in ways nothing ever has.
I want to encourage you to find a group of divers who will surround you with encouragement and mentorship. If you are struggling they will be your support group and keep you safe both in the water and emotionally.

I have been involved with dive incidents where the issues have been resolved but the after effects are slower to repair. TAKE YOUR TIME BUT MOVE!
I personally have had several moments underwater that have made me take a few steps back and put my mental capacity back into order.
Like others have shared one of them really shook me to the core and it was the one incident that put my head on straight.
I was forced to come to terms with the stress of the situation and swim out of it!
Worst dive of my life but the best dive of my life!
The air was sweeter and I came to terms with risk assessment!

You are going to be stressed at times for sure but do not think you will panic but train hard to recognize your triggers and derail them before they grow to uncontrollable levels.
The start of this thought began in Rescue class and has grown from every level of dive training since.
Start slow and work your way through it.
If it becomes to traumatic then stop and regroup.
The first rule of SCUBA? Never hold you Breath!
The second rule of SCUBA? Have Fun!
If it is not fun then stop!

Kara you are a strong individual for sharing and I believe you can do it!
Love to dive with you one day, if you make it up to my area or N FL let me know!

CamG Keep Diving....Keep Training....Keep Learning!

 

[Crowley]

Hi Kara

I agree with a lot of the posts here but when it comes to counseling, only you can make the decision as to whether or not you need it. Me personally, I'd prefer to talk to my friends and drink a beer or two because at least then I know I have some basic support from people who have a good understanding of what I went through. I've never been directly involved in a fatal diving accident, but I've been very close, and I do have friends who have sadly lost their lives through diving.

This may sound harsh - but please understand I mean it with the best of intentions - you don't say what caused your mother's death, for which I am obviously very sorry, but in my experience it is not the simple act of diving that results in accidents. These are, in the majority of cases, caused by undisclosed (which is stupid) or un-diagnosed (which is not) medical conditions, or failure to adhere to basic safety protocols, but the act of diving itself is not the problem.

Diving has associated risks - but then, so does the simple act of waking up in the morning - and when accidents happen, there is no blame to apportioned, because that's the definition of "accident" - and specifically, that blame does not apply to you.

If you love diving enough to want to get back into the water then go for it - slowly. Take some pool sessions, some shallow water ocean dives, in the presence of a buddy or dive professional that you can trust, and also who knows the background story. Find a dive centre or buddy who will cater to your particular worry - you don't have to take a course but refreshers and reviews are always recommended after a period of absence from the water but it's a good place to start. Pootle about in the pool, then pootle about in the shallows, and at all points assess your level of comfort in what you are doing.

Remember that your mother's death, terrible though it may be, in terms of diving per se, very rare indeed. If diving is something you love then perhaps, if your mother loved it also, you are honouring her memory by keeping it up.

I hope that helps; I tend to be quite blunt about these things and like others on the board, if you wish to talk privately then please feel free to do so.

With all respect,

C.

 

[hopashore]

Hi all!

Trust me, I'll be going slowly. And I definitely, definitely appreciate everyone's concern for my safety while diving...I get that it's a risk inherent endeavor and everyone wants to make it as safe as possible, and I absolutely agree with that. I actually have a very low key, informal, get your feet back in the water and take it as slow as you want sort of dive set up with a board member who contacted me privately and so knows all my "baggage" and I know I keep saying this but I am really blown away by the support of well, total strangers. I'll definitely let everyone know how that goes! I in NO WAY want to jump back out on another big dive and have something trigger a panic attack or anything while I'm underwater, so I'll be keeping it slow for a while. And, I'm really, really, really excited

You know, that vacation was the best and worst of my life. Diving was AMAZING, it was this entire world I didn't know anything about and I could have stayed down forever just watching this whole ecosystem and part of the world that you can't see just by taking an exit off of a highway and that you have to go out of your way to get access to. And you're there as a visitor, on borrowed time, which I think is such a foreign concept to a lot of Americans, that's really how life is- you live and you die but the ocean goes on. I just loved the concept of it all. We'd come up at the end of a dive and pull out fish ID books and point out what we saw, I think all of us just had the biggest grins on our faces up until that last dive. I first started thinking about diving a year or so after she died and decided I wasn't really ready. It wasn't until this past year that I started thinking about it a LOT. I was in Hawaii earlier this summer with some family and REALLY thought about it then, every day. Went snorkeling instead and that went ok, and then I had to leave before I went and like I said, I don't want to be diving with a total stranger who may or may not be an experienced diver and be relying on me when I may not be reliable the first time out. Somehow I feel much more ok diving with total strangers on an online community bulletin board

Someone asked what happened to my mom...autopsy was inconclusive. It was cardiac, not pulmonary. She didn't drown. There wasn't any equipment failure found. The ME THINKS she got into a heart arrhythmia and they just didn't have the equipment to get her out of it in time. They listed three causes of death and one of the causes of death was "Atypical Scuba Ascent" whatever that means. I'd have to go back and look at the death certificate to get any specific details and I just woke up so I'm having trouble remembering what the second was, but it wasn't something really conclusive. She'd never had any history of heart problems and doesn't have a family history of it either.

 

[Cave Diver]

But the big things, I think I'm doing ok. I'm getting my masters in psychology at the moment so I'm surrounded by psychologists...I think if I was nonfunctional, my advisor would have brought it up by now

Kara,

I teach a preparedness course to volunteers in my community. As part of that course we talk about disaster psychology. I'm not a professional in that, so we bring one in to cover that part but I have learned a few things from it.

One is that many people function just fine after a traumatic experience. But a follow up event can trigger a flood of responses. You might find yourself diving in the same place one day, or one with a similar look, or similar conditions, or see a diver with similar gear to your mom's and you might suddenly find yourself back in that moment when you lost her.

Another thing is that professional counselors don't always have the answers. A lot of first responders who deal with trauma talk to their own. It's easier to talk and relate to people who are in similar situations, or counselors who are in that same field.

Even if you feel that you're fine and functioning normally, I'd still encourage you to seek out someone from a PSD team, or someone with similar types of experience and just talk with them. If nothing else, you might make a new friend.

 

[ul412al]

Hey Kara - I had a similar experience on about my 6 or 7th dive. My instructor and good friend passed (not in water but in a traumatic fashion). He was my only dive buddy. I vowed that I was through with diving, couldn't bring myself to even look at my gear. About 6 months later I had a realization. My friend actually gave me the "gift" of diving. He would have wanted me to continue to dive and enjoy all the wonders that he loved so much. I got all the guys that went on our last dive with my friend and we did a "memorial" dive. No ceremony, easy dive spot, didn't even talk much - but we did it. Later I stitched his initials in my dive knife strap so he is always there. It's still hard when I think about it on land but nothing but joy when on the water. I hope you find this sense of calm and I am very sorry for your loss.

The new buddy thing is going to be tough but you just have to get out there and do it. I still struggle with it 2 years later. On boat dives I just hire the DM to be my buddy. On shore dives or easy dives I'll try somebody that I met on here or another forum.

 

[Diver0001]

My question was more of the lines of "assuming you're functioning with relative normalcy now, has being back in the water been different or made things different or did you have reactions you weren't expecting." Obviously everyone's different, but I like being able to control situations and the fact that I don't know how I will or might react bugs me

In my case I can answer this question somewhat by relating to the accident I mentioned above where we were the rescuers.

Immediately after that experience we had several shallow dives and a lot of discussion about the incident itself that left all of us feeling a little bit unsure of ourselves. We weren't even the ones who made the mistakes and we still felt "rattled" by it. Those shallow dives were important to us to kind of get over the shock, I think. Nothing unusual happened during those dives and I think if something *had* happened that we could have handled it without emotional melt downs or whatever...

I dive almost all of the time with one of the other guys from that team and what we've noticed in the year or two since that incident is that we have both become more alert, quicker to intervene and somewhat "tighter" about safety than we were before. I think a lot of people go through that. I think that's why a lot of people who have had serious accidents become very passionate about safety (sometimes to the point of being hard to get along with). I don't, however, see those people becoming less skilled divers or insecure, unable to deal with their emotions etc.... Individuals vary, of course, but on the whole I don't personally see having an accident leading to inability to cope in new situations ... at least once the trauma is worked out.

I'm not sure if that really addresses your question but I hope it does... and now a question for you: How do you think *you* will respond and/or what do you think you'll need in order to cope the way you want?

R..

 

[spectrum]

Hi Kara,

I just found this thread and first of all want to offer my condolences.

A lot of great advice has been given and I have a few thoughts I'd like to add.

I'd rather see you repeat the OW course than so a refresher. You did not get to accumulate a lot of experience in the past so a lot of information and skill beyond typical refresher content is gone. A full length course will also give you good time to re- acclimate and deal with any concerns. Be sure to find a class that has pool sessions spanning a number of weeks, not a weekend blitz. Take the time to find a good program. Start with this sticky from the top of the New Divers forum. The other advantage to long class is that you have a better chance of falling in with a local buddy mentor. In any case you can start networking within your class.

Certainly make time before the class starts to discuss this with the instructor.

Set your goals on local diving to begin with. this can keep you in sites you get to know and diving with familiar friends. Eventually you will become comfortable with more random buddies or can plan trips with your local friends.

Your fallback of skin-diving for now is really a great idea. In many ways it is easing you back into diving. How much so? Read this.

Depending how the transition goes for you there is nothing that says your early dives cannot be made with an instructor or DM as your buddy.

I think you approaching this in a very good way, with good timing and with sound reason. Continue to communicate with those around you. Give yourself patience if needed and demand the same of those supporting you. I hope this can lead to years of very special experiences that you come to associate with those very special dives that you got to share with your Mom.

Pete

 

[ItsBruce]

First, my condolences.

Second, addressing one of your posts, we are not total strangers. We are scuba divers. We may have never met. But, we have a common interest and that makes us something different from total strangers.

Third, decide in your own mind if you really want to dive again. We all know that going into an environment as foreign as the underwater world, entails certain risks. Modern equipment, combined with proper training and practice, minimizes these. But, they still do exist. Your mother’s death while diving may lead you to consider these risks in a different way than other divers do. Only you can decide whether the risks as you perceive them, are acceptable in relation to the rewards of diving.

Fourth, if you do want to dive again, I think you would be best to start with either a discovery scuba or a refresher, just to see if you really do want to dive. If so, then the whole course is your best bet. Make sure the instructor knows why you are taking the course. It will help him or her put everything in perspective and be ready to address special concerns you may have.

Fifth, find some new dive buddies. I’m sure experienced divers will gladly act as your buddy to help you get back into the swing of diving. Be sure to let them know about what happened and about your concerns. I am quite confident that any number of experienced divers will go out of their way to make sure you have a good dive. Even if they have less than a great dive, as dives go, they will get a great deal of satisfaction in helping you. (See point number 2.)

 

[hopashore]

Kara,

One is that many people function just fine after a traumatic experience. But a follow up event can trigger a flood of responses. You might find yourself diving in the same place one day, or one with a similar look, or similar conditions, or see a diver with similar gear to your mom's and you might suddenly find yourself back in that moment when you lost her.

Another thing is that professional counselors don't always have the answers. A lot of first responders who deal with trauma talk to their own. It's easier to talk and relate to people who are in similar situations, or counselors who are in that same field.

CaveDiver, the bit you quoted previously was a little bit tongue in cheek because of your point above to the members suggesting counseling...I don't think regular counseling will make a difference...because I don't think I will run into any potential triggers unless my therapist is also a diver. I DO think talking to someone like you and others suggested, rescue divers or first responders or whatever, would be a more helpful route. Which is why I came here to ask...and I have received some very insightful and helpful feedback