Getting separated is inevitable.
No ... it is not. But if you believe that's the case, then it will be.
Getting separated is completely avoidable. All it takes is to decide to BE a dive buddy and put some effort and self-discipline into how you approach the dive.
Buddy separation almost always boils down to one or both of the following ...
1. You never really learned how to dive as a buddy ... you only learned that you should be in the vicinity of another diver at approximately the same time.
2. You don't have, or don't want to use, the self-discipline it takes to dive with the other person. You're not really interested in being a dive buddy in the first place.
Skills can be learned ... if the diver wants to learn them. But if there is a lack of will to either learn the skills, or the belief that they're not important, then that diver will always make a poor buddy, no matter what their skill level. The OP's description suggests that the latter was the case.
So how can you know ... when you choose an instabuddy ... whether or not they're going to fall into one of these roles? Keep in mind that diving with a buddy is all about predictable behavior. So talk through the dive, and establish what each of you should expect from the other. Remember, once underwater you can't really discuss these things. So do it beforehand. And judge from your buddy's responses whether you really want to be in the water with this person. Make it a dialogue ... if they're not contributing to the conversation, chances are they're not taking the whole notion of being a dive buddy very seriously.
Some things to discuss ...
- Positioning ... don't lead/follow unless there's no other choice. Side-by-side swimming makes it easier to keep an eye on each other. Anytime you lead-follow, the person in front is "trusting" that the person behind is doing what you expect. If they stop or change direction for any reason, you won't know it until you look behind you. That style of buddy diving places the burden of staying together on the trailing diver ... the leader is on a "trust me" dive.
- Communication ... buddy diving is more than just being in the water with another diver. You should be sharing your dive. Eye contact, hand and light signals, body language ... all of those are ways to communicate with a buddy. When you don't communicate, you leave your buddy wondering what you're doing, or why you're doing it. This often becomes a distraction that takes away from the enjoyment of the dive. So put some effort into interacting in a way that makes the dive "ours" rather than "mine".
- Goals ... you should REALLY talk before the dive about what your goals are ... because if they're different, the dive inevitably turns into a "push-pull" situation where both divers are trying to impose their goals on the other diver ... and that becomes stressful after a while. Make sure you're on the same page, and going down to see and do the same things. Staying together then becomes much easier.
Some tips for staying together ...
- In low-vis conditions, use lights. A good, focused beam becomes an extension of your arm. You can use it to give signals to your dive buddy, or just shine it every few seconds on a spot where your buddy can see it without effort ... if he can see your light, he knows you are there.
- Slow down ... the slower you go, the harder it is to lose each other. As a bonus, you're far more likely to see stuff that you otherwise might have swam right past without ever noticing it was there. Diving slowly also helps you reduce your air consumption, which can extend your dive.
These are simple things ... they reduce the stress of diving with another person, enhance the enjoyment of your diving experience, and minimize the risk that you'll have to distract yourself from the goals of your dive by spending time looking for your dive buddy.
... Bob (Grateful Diver)
