Im the OP.
OK, I can see from all the replies, a couple of things:
My instructor and I do have a mismatch to have certain degree. I think though that I have a lot to learn from him and like him and will stay with him despite this issue.
However, I have tried to look inside myself and listen to all opinions and realize that I am just someone who wants redundant levels of safety no matter what my skill level is. I have a very high level of skill in another sport which also entails risk and have integrated as much redundancy into my equipment as possible without imposing any drawback on performance. Even though I have never had to use it, I feel good about having it (even though others at my level dont use redundancy.)
My own sense is that if I cannot swim to the top on one breath of air, I want redundancy. Im in good shape but have slowly arrived at the age of 56 years and am far from the competitive swimmer that my wife is. I doubt I could safely or reliably come up from 60 feet or below on one breath, and frequently dive in that range, often with limited viz. My wife, who at least for now is my designated buddy, if frightened at the very idea of needing redundancy, even talking about it, although she is comfortable scuba diving at my level. She doesnt mind if I use it however.
I am meticulous in checking equipment before diving, pressures, regs, valves. The last thing I always do before putting my arm through the BCD is check that both valves are ON, and that is done AFTER checking both tank pressures. In the water I carry 3 more pounds on the left than the right to compensate balance but other than that I dont feel it while swimming. I practice switching between my primary, to my octo, to the secondary underwater with my eyes closed, from time to time. Then I go swimming and feel almost completely relaxed.
But I think that what I will do is do the easy dives without it to accommodate to the instructor and also experience it differently, but when we go out into the ocean for the six check out wreck dives which will be in the Atlantic offshore, I will keep my pony. And for anything pushing the limits of rec diving a little closer it will be a slung 30cu ft as opposed to the back mounted 19.
I may eat my words someday but that is what I think now.