Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Stu S.]

At a state park parking lot.

Question to Diver, from a stranger: "Do you pee in that suit?"

Answer: "Oh no, the pressure around a diver prohibits it."

 

[Buoyant1]

O man! That's gross! Pray, how do you do wetsuit flushing? Any accelerated technique?

He made the guy let water into his suit and then swim around a little, then before he climbed the ladder he told him to fill his suit with water before he came up it. For his sake, I'm just glad he had his booties tucked IN to his suit and not the opposite! :shocked2:

 

[TheScubaBOB]

Not as funny as some of these but...

As I was proudly displaying my first C-card to my daughters the younger (13 at the time) one asked why it's a "C" Card....

My older daughter (16 at the time) replied "Because it lets you go in the Sea!"

 

[Standard11]

this one came from my instructor goin out for a boat dive.

the boat was heading out with 3 instructors (one NAUI one PADI one SSI) with their students to do their first boat dive upon reaching the site and settling in the captain realized the boat was sinking and the pump was broken and would be on the bottom in ~15 minutes. there was an island about 100 yards off they could swim too. he took the instructors aside(to not frighten the students) and informed them of this problem. each instructor then proceeded to take his class aside and tell them of this. the PADI instructor said, " ok class, the boat is going down, i want you to take a 240 deg. heading towards this island, inflate your bc and make way to the island for the rescue boat." the NAUI instructor said, "ok class, the boat is sinking, i want you to jump in, drop down about 10' , make way to the island and wait for rescue." the SSI instructor said, " ok class, the plan has changed some. it's going to cost an extra 25$ today." the class asked why. he says "because were doing a wreck dive in about 30 minutes."

 

[UNDR H2O]

My personal favorite is something you hear every weekend with class of new divers!

I can't find my goggles and flippers!!

I laugh everytime!

 

[watercooled]

this one came from my instructor goin out for a boat dive.

the boat was heading out with 3 instructors (one NAUI one PADI one SSI) with their students to do their first boat dive upon reaching the site and settling in the captain realized the boat was sinking and the pump was broken and would be on the bottom in ~15 minutes. there was an island about 100 yards off they could swim too. he took the instructors aside(to not frighten the students) and informed them of this problem. each instructor then proceeded to take his class aside and tell them of this. the PADI instructor said, " ok class, the boat is going down, i want you to take a 240 deg. heading towards this island, inflate your bc and make way to the island for the rescue boat." the NAUI instructor said, "ok class, the boat is sinking, i want you to jump in, drop down about 10' , make way to the island and wait for rescue." the SSI instructor said, " ok class, the plan has changed some. it's going to cost an extra 25$ today." the class asked why. he says "because were doing a wreck dive in about 30 minutes."

HAHAHAHAHAA

 

[Scotttyd]

From a diver on a boat in NC:
"I always carry a back up incase my computer malfunctions during a dive, that is why I have a SPG."

what?????

This same guy forgot to set his nitrox mix in his computer and it was screaming as he had gone over his NDL's by 20 minutes. ya, he was in town for a conference at DAN.

 

[masonlc]

From a diver on a boat in NC:
"I always carry a back up incase my computer malfunctions during a dive, that is why I have a SPG."

I'm not trying to be a troll, this is a legitimate quest for knowlegde.

Why is it wrong to have both a computer and an SPG?

 

[ZzzKing]

I'm not trying to be a troll, this is a legitimate quest for knowlegde.

Why is it wrong to have both a computer and an SPG?

A submersible pressure gauge only shows the amount of gas still in your tank. It doesn't show depth, time or calculate NDL time remaining so there's no way it could be considered a replacement for a dive computer in the event of failure. Probably what the guy was talking about was having it in addition to a hoseless, air integrated computer in which case it would still give pressure info in the event of failure of the dive computer. A lot of folks use an SPG with a hoseless computer because they tend to lose their signal from time to time and don't show pressure info. So it's not wrong to use both.

 

[smellzlikefish]

I use a computer promarily, but have a spg and always carry tables on me in case the computer goes out. I may never need it, but its always good to have backups.