Divemaster touching me

[Arizona]

She is a grown woman. She hired him. He was pushing for a tip, and let's be honest. It is quite common for older women to go to places in Mexico looking for some action. I am not saying all do or that she did, but he does have that reference. And he will get big tips if he shows them a "good" time and flirts and is attentive. Unfortunately, those women who do that, make it harder for those who just want to dive. Which is where the OP must be smart and assertive.
If you don't want to be touched and fondled, quit letting him go further and further....
For God's sakes, stand up for yourself.
And she has 50 dives. She should know how to dive by now.

Based in the OP, we will have to agree to disagree on this one.

 

[fairybasslet]

Geezuz, I was just kidding....hence the smiley face???? You guys are so uptight, go run around in the snow and cool down a bit.

If you had the tiniest bit of knowledge about sexual offenders (not saying the DM in this case was one, but in general) you would know that they do not care what their victims look like. 80 year old women are victims of rape. Also, 1 in 4 women have been victims of a sexual assault. So think of the odds of one of the women posters here having been the victim of rape. It is not a joke no matter how many smilie faces you put there.

 

[ohmdiver]

I want to comment here but both sides of the discussion seem to be covered.
Yes given the culturual diffrences, it may be acceptable, hold hands, pat and light touching...

Removing her glove, is over the top....

If it was intended as a way of getting a bigger tip, why did it stop during the surface interval....

It would be nice to have the DM's version.

I do think the DM went a bit further than is appropriate, but I think the OP should have said something early on.

When ever it is necessary to make contact with a student or customer, I let them know 1st, and ask if they will be comfortable with what I need to do, more often than not they are ok. But that is the communication issue brought up earlier.

I hope this hasn't caused a problem with diving, and I wish you all the luck in however you persue this.

 

[spoolin01]

The different responses to my post are fascinating to me. As a school administrator for over twenty years (female) I have been trained in sexual harassment and sexual abuse numerous times. The DM was abusing his position and touching me very inappropriately. Period. I am disapppointed in my reaction at the time and can relate to the denial I have heard in others over the years. Poor conditioning as a female to let the man be in charge in a situtation where I felt inadequate and vulneralble. To be clear, the first dive was the hand-holding. The second dive was the touching, brushing, head massaging, etc. I see now that the first dive was to se how I would respond. All I said to him, trying to joke it off but also to let him know that I noticed (duh) was :What? Did you think that you would lose me you had to hold on to me??"

I don't have to prove to any other posters what happened. This is not something to be trivial about. I understand the seriousness of the incident. No, it was not cultural. Abuse is abuse. Thanks again.

I hadn't read this follow-up when I first posted. This does strongly suggest the escalation and romantic intent. Again, I wasn't there, but it really doesn't read like it rose to the level of harassment or abuse - you have to make your objection clear, or the actions have to be way more intrusive than you've reported, as succinctly stated by trixiegirl. I'm (hopefully) sure you got that in your training.

To assert that abuse is abuse - based on the facts you've reported -and independent of culture is simply insensitive and rash. I'm sorry the discussion here has put you a bit on the defensive, but you can see what a can of cultural worms you've opened. We've quickly gotten past the empathy part and into the juice and blame, but I doubt there's anyone here that can't relate to your discomfort.

You could always employ psychocab's sexual harassment response protocol - that's the other reason he carries a brace of sharpened dive knives. I pity the amorous DM that exhausts her gas hitting on him.

 

[davezwife]

I just wanted to say that I, too, consider myself to be strong-minded woman. I don't ever see putting myself in that situation. That being said, I bet I could have written the same thing. You know it was inappropriate and wrong, yet reacted (or lack or reaction) that way.
I would suggest you do what you can, complain to who you can, and then walk away from it being a smart woman. Know that something or nothing may come of it, but that you squacked loud and clear.
Learn from it, and TRY to put it behind you.
(I personally would write a letter to that DM explaining how he made me feel. Cultural or not, he should know that he took "comfort" too far.)

 

[trixiegirl1970]

additionally - my mom went with us to Cozumel last summer - her first drift diving. She too let the dm know she was nervous and her hand was held pretty much the whole dive. I have had my glove removed to be handed something - they have a different comfort zone down there and I truely believe they only want every visitor to have the best possible experience.

This has been truely blown out of proportion.

 

[treywilly]

Hey make sure you follow through with getting this guy. That is totally unprofessional and if they blow you off post about the dive operation and there accepted practices. Like the others have said you may be saving someone else from something even more horrific !!!

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

Based in the OP, will have to agree to disagree on this one.

I guess so. I know I tend to go hard on this, and that I take everything on a stance of, "Pull up your big girl panties, and take care of yourself."
My mom taught me a very long time ago that you are the only one who can truly ever protect and take care of you. As a result, I have traveled the world from age 16. I have been to all nooks and crannies of the globe and found that there is always someone who will take advantage of you if you let them. That's the trick, though, to recognize and not let them. Be confident, and sure of yourself. Stop, breathe, think, and act, works in all areas of life. Learn to do it all and not wait for things to be done.

I hope for the best for the OP. I think she may realize that she made some very poor decisions which only made her experience there worse. I hope that she gets past this and learns from it. I hope that she is stronger in the future, and has good times.

 

[psychocabbage]

If you had the tiniest bit of knowledge about sexual offenders (not saying the DM in this case was one, but in general) you would know that they do not care what their victims look like. 80 year old women are victims of rape. Also, 1 in 4 women have been victims of a sexual assault. So think of the odds of one of the women posters here having been the victim of rape. It is not a joke no matter how many smilie faces you put there.

That's pretty f'd up. That is truely at the top of A-hole posts.


What if this had happened to your wife/mother/daughter?

OMG.. this is typical here. Too many people on this board are wound too tightly. You need to realize where you are.
You are currently expressing yourselves on the Internet. Anyone can post and say anything. Some of us find this as a place to share humor. Lighten up subjects.. I found Shakas post to do what he intended. Got me to smirk. I thought it was funny..

You want to state your opinions but you dont like anyone else who does not want to take it as seriously as you to be posting in the same thread.

Some of us have made up our minds on this situation. We feel it was not as "DIRE" as you and the OPs make it out to be.

The country I am currently in (USA) has become weaker because we have to constantly worry about every little thing offending someone.. Screw that. Get over yourselves and stand up for yoursleves when the situations arise or let it go. You may be the ones that ran home to mommy and now that mommy cant do anything for you, the legal system has to be your recourse.. geesh.. Open your minds to other options. Some people are not trying to get into your pants. Some just want to get into your wallet.

You are not all that and we are all a really small part of this whole thing.. Going underwater should of shown you that..

LIGHTEN UP.. Laugh it off.. Move on.

 

[Arizona]

I guess so. I know I tend to go hard on this, and that I take everything on a stance of, "Pull up your big girl panties, and take care of yourself."
My mom taught me a very long time ago that you are the only one who can truly ever protect and take care of you. As a result, I have traveled the world from age 16. I have been to all nooks and crannies of the globe and found that there is always someone who will take advantage of you if you let them. That's the trick, though, to recognize and not let them. Be confident, and sure of yourself. Stop, breathe, think, and act, works in all areas of life. Learn to do it all and not wait for things to be done.

I hope for the best for the OP. I think she may realize that she made some very poor decisions which only made her experience there worse. I hope that she gets past this and learns from it. I hope that she is stronger in the future, and has good times.

I have been around the world a bit too! I hope the best for the OP as well.