Wife Trouble.....help!

[AbyssalPlains]

Lots of good advice already. In addition, you might consider getting her to try split fins. Yes, I know some folks will be all over me for that, but contrary to what many say, splits work great even in strong current. The point is that they make kicking much easier and require less effort. Of course, the muscle work necessary for propulsion is the same, but people who like split fins prefer a faster, but easier kicking style over a slower kick that feels more strenuous. She could give it a shot and see for herself.

 

[stormysea]

Just a little take on the other side. I am a new diver. Hubby and I got into it together. I had massive kidney surgery in July 2008. The cut me from my spine to my belly button. I still have very little feeling on my right side and no strength. My hubby is young and fit. He is a good diver and he enables my diving. He knows my weaknesses and works around it with my gear so I can dive. He is a faster diver than me but slows it down when with me (only my left fin kick propell me my right has no strenght). However I am self sufficiant at getting my gear set up and I am a great spotter of macro sealife. I have great air consumption compared to him. I have my own strenghts.

If my hubby made me feel distressed or less able than him I wouldn't dive with him. I love diving but I would find myself a dive buddy who could work around my difficulties without making me feel bad. I have already found other dive buddies who I have now dived with that have been great and infact I love diving with one in particular who likes to go slower to look around all the nooks and crannys to find the things that you miss when you swim by.

 

[islandwheels]

Well, to start with, consider yourself lucky to have a spouse that loves to dive. My advice?

To start off with, scratch high current off the list, your wife is not ready for it.
To deal with current, she should get going with an exercise program that improves cardio, and also increases both leg strength as well as muscle endurance. Jogging, cycling, walking fast in sand, stair climbing, a weight training program (meaning lifting not dieting) is a good place to start.
Technique helps in current also. Make sure her gear is streamlined, and stay close to the bottom or side of a wall ec, where there is a buffer zone from the current.

Realize that in the sites that she is not overwhelmed by current, that going slow is the preffered method of diving. You will use less air, see more critters, and be safer in better control of yourself. So if she is just a slow swimmer, no worries, she figured it out already and you are trying to be Micheal Phelps.
If however she is a weak swimmer, then she needs to work at it to be a safer diver.
Instead of being anxious, or tieing her to you like leashing a dog, pick sites with little/no current, time your tidal dives to be at slack, or enjoy drift diving where you are not fighting the current. Soon enough her training program will allow her the strength and endurance to enjoy the more strenuous locations, and you can both enjoy the dives.

seaducer seems to make some good points, first being be glad to have a diving wife for partner, go at her pace, and in time she'll probably be keeping up, especially thru the advice again seaducer recommends. My wife got certified, but is not going to be a diver, end of discussion, as far as shes concerned.

 

[amerz]

Hi Sam,
I was on the end that you are complaining about... LOL
I always thought my BF was mad at me for slowing him down or taking to long.
Luckily for me, he just slowed down and at times even let me lead (which in time) built my confidence. Honestly, it was intimidating enough for me to begin with such an experienced diver.....but he never showed his frustration with me.

For example, I would grab on to the line to descend, of course being new, I would stop..jiggle my jaw, pop my ears..needless to say it was a LOONNGG PROCESS... while his friends would fly by me without even using the line! I would turn and there he was with a smile and the U OK sign....

Give her time, and when she messes up, just let her know you use to mess up too. Unless you were perfect from the moment you got your OW certification.

I don't need to tell you, because enough people have said it on your post, it IS a blessing that your significant other wants to dive with you..... It's a bond that you create underwater... It's NICE!

Look at it from her side, she thinks she is a bother to you...

Ok, I'm done yapping.....my advice...
1. Be patient she will get better
2. Smile, enjoy the time together, who cares if you are far, as log as your together and both of you are ok

As for the safety, you will always worry.... it's human nature
I worried when I wasn't with him and he was doing a deep/tech/night dive.

 

[IceIce]

Hi Samson,

I agree with Amerz, you have to help your wife build confidence in diving, and it won't happen easily if she is worrying about catching you up.

I dive because my husband asked me to try. Even though we started out the same time, he was the brightest student and had very good confidence it felt like he has been diving for a long time.
I remember that I held on to him during the first night dive, but initially I let go when I felt I could handle it.

Although I dived quite well, I never enjoyed my first 10 dives because all I did was looking out for him, DM and the rest of the group. I tried to keep same pace, same depth, and kept everyone in sight because I constantly worried. That made me not enjoying my dives, like what you said.

My husband gave me the advice to enjoy my dives, and that everyone was looking after another, it was proven and soon i got real good confidence, it helped that we went to great dive sites and build up more knowledge about diving. Oddly, if I saw another diver who needed help, I could help them really well that time and it boosted my confidence the most.

So try to make her feel comfortable and not pressurised. Eliminate the need for her to catch up with you until she gains her pace. Bring her to less or no current area. If she is passionate about diving, it can be done.

 

[dpbishop]

My GF is a lot slower then me, and has a tendency to stop and look at things without notice. Since she won't lead, I have to constantly look back to make sure I don't lose her. I have had to tow her in current, carry her equipment up stairs, clean it after a dive and take care of the annual servicing. The smile on her face after a dive makes it all worth while. When I dive solo I can go as fast as I want, where I want, when I want. I'd still rather dive with her.

 

[Garrobo]

My wife has been gone now for about seven years. I took up diving just about three years ago so I don't know if she would have liked to dive or not. However I would dearly like for her to be around again to find out. Consider yourself so lucky that she is with you and tries to stay up. Just cool it and give her time and encouragement. What's the big hurry anyway? If you drift off they'll come and get you both.

 

[amerz]

I am sorry for your loss.
I am SURE she would have LOVED diving with you!!!!

I agree, the point of diving, at least for me is to loose yourself....... I'm NOT in any hurry to come up!!!! TO REALITY!!!

My wife has been gone now for about seven years. I took up diving just about three years ago so I don't know if she would have liked to dive or not. However I would dearly like for her to be around again to find out. Consider yourself so lucky that she is with you and tries to stay up. Just cool it and give her time and encouragement. What's the big hurry anyway? If you drift off they'll come and get you both.

 

[islandwheels]

steady as she goes.

 

[bfw]

My wife loves to dive, but is VERY VERY slow swimmer,.. I am working on her kicking technique with her, but it is going slow.... In a current,.. I have to litterally drag her along to keep from getting swept out to sea at certain sites....

One of my early engineering managers taught me a great lesson - you can't SOLVE the problem until you UNDERSTAND the problem.

What's her physical condition? Is she aerobically fit? Out of shape?
This is delicate - what's her BMI?
What sort of fins is she using?
What's the rest of her gear configuration?
When she's diving, what's her body position.

When I took up competitive swimming, I learned that propulsion under water is not about power, it's about drag reduction. Land mammals in the water have a righting reflex - they want to be head up. To minimize drag, divers must overcome this and learn to be horizontal like fish. Most beginners who are slow in the water are swimming with their head 2-3 feet above their feet, and overweighted to overcome the planing effect of this attitude. The other common problem is that they are "bicycling" rather than kicking with straight knees.

I'm sure plenty of other people will address low drag gear configuration - a backplate and wing is the most streamlined.