Guys:
Thanks for all the advise. It's good and well meant advise. Appreciate the effort and help!
About swimming being a live skill and such: Yes. absolutely. No contest. Am on board with that thought since at least 1970, probably a few years earlier - basically since the minute I knew how to swim and one of my friends didn't yet... Fished someone out of the Mediterranean, a couple of rivers and a couple of lakes ... and once from an iced over river... - they (and I) were lucky... much better would have been if they could have swum...) I get the need to be able to swim somewhat well and I see it as a need and live-skill. Nevertheless, even so she came a really long way so far, I am somewhat stumped by how to get my wife truly comfortable to that level (and to see it as a need, not a choice) and how much other important things in life interfere with that even becoming close to being a priority..
So, please understand... I understand that idea. I am on board with it... I am not needing more help with getting that thought... it's the getting there "in deed" that I am challenged with...
So now, after many years of mostly just "work", noe that we reach a period in our live where maybe what to do with our time has a chance to move a little higher on our list of priorities..., I am trying to figure out how to help my wife with that next move (one last all out time maybe)... the move that determines if diving will be part of our live ... or just mine...
So, I try to summarize here in an exaggerated fashion of what I gather the options might be and how I interpret them for this, our case... in maybe an order of achieving complete water comfort first and not starting diving prior thereto - to just don't dive 'cause she is too much of a risk factor...
Now, complete and utter comfort in water is not at all what some of the agencies require - but that's what some of you suggest - for good reasons... so lets start there as the one extreme...
a.) Achieve, by some yet really TBD way, good swimming skills and complete water comfort prior to taking a scuba class. Then find a time and place and instructor to do it. At that point it might even be a GUE class. - or not TBD and also a matter of cost.
CAVEATs:
- No chance to use a positive diving-learning-experience under well controlled conditions as part of the driving motivation to put in even more work to really become really comfortable in the water...
- No referrals for the swimming whisperer in Chicagoland yet... - hint: It's not me... (not with my wife anyway - and it's not whom we already tried some time back...
- & what to do with my daughter maybe wanting to get started in the meantime and preferably doing so on a family vacation somewhere nice, warm, reef... In one of those rare weeks when she is not in college or otherwise busy...
b.) Get to the point where my wife is comfortable enough to meet the (pretty lax, but big achievment for her) swimming requirements that some agencies require before starting an OW class... and then take a class. - the right class. Well I think she is one to two months away from that. I may be wrong, but she is close and I am seeing it maybe a bit on the critical side. Get her to that point and then pull the trigger. BUT -with the right instructor and in the right environment so as to get her interested and motivated to keep working on it more. (Not to get her in trouble diving stuff she has no business diving).
CAVEATs:
- She at that point is not really a real swimmer and not really as water-comfortable as most of us would think one should be. Something could happen that could send her into a panic. (But that, as some point out, could happen even to competent swimmers, just not as "likely" ... and on the other hand, if the class is done well and paced right she may also just work through all that and have a few Eureka moments that are hard to achieve by "just treading more water in more ways in a pool to get more water comfortable"...)
- The right place is far (warm, good vis, low current, simple shore dives ideally (maybe we should be flexible on that last one...)...
- The right instructor for "all that" needs to be found... wow... tough one, especially in conjunction with "the right place". Looks like my wife is the kind of student most (understandably) tend to not want to have ... the kind that olds up the class... Hence the inquiry about what kind of instructor, which one specifically maybe and what kind of class (maybe not a group of 20 then... maybe a small group, maybe it needs to be one to one, maybe my wife and daughter together might work, maybe even w/o already needing a DM on top of the instructor...). (shoutout to Pete: liked your replies!.)
- That "Swimming Whisperer" still would come in handy...
c.) Face it: She was a hopeless "panicer" in the water once (only when deeper than she could stand in

) and still is not really fully water comfortable. Even if and when she learns how to really swim, no matter how well, it is likely that when scuba diving, she sooner or later will experience panic (as it can happen to all of us) but due to her past fears and discomfort, it is more likely to be a "terminal encounter with panic". So don't even think about starting to dive... - ever. - Well OK, I drove that one a bit further than anyone making that point did..... But that's an opinion people who are not at all comfortable in the water do face... and so does she... A status quo re-enforcing opinion... But not necessarily a wrong one... TBD...
Anyway, so option C is "don't dive, just snorkel".
Caveats: Long, underwater panic free, non-diving live... until maybe a bunch of snorkeling leads to true "water comfort"
So there is risk. And more so than with a person comfortable in the water. We all know that. My thinking was that "case b" is good enough to get started - in a well managed, well stepped way and to use that to aid with motivation to get even more comfortable in the water and to use that to do more and more well controlled water based activities which become more and more possible because we are actively breaking down a wall. Some really think differently.
We likely would like it better if we could "just" get to the point where "case a" is a real option, but having a little fun along the way of getting there would be nice too...
So, for the moment I keep trying to work towards "case b" and see where that gets us...
I definitely am open for swim Whisperer referrals (ideally NW Chicagoland...) and thoughts on whom to then ultimately take the OW class with and where...
If "case a" happens first, so be it... Doubt it, but i'll take it. Any day..
"Case b" would be just fine if that works out... I have hopes it might...
If we end up resigning to "case c".... SAD DAY !.. But then at least we know and go with that...