A wench saw a pirate drinking 'is grog in a tavern. She noticed (and was excited by) the evidence of the rough life he'd led - peg leg, hook for his right hand and an eye patch. Unable to contain herself, she sat next to him, and said, "Oh you poor dear, you must have been through some horrible experiences."
"Aye, me buxom beauty, it's part of a pirate's life."
"Tell, me, how ever did you lose your leg?"
"Well, it was in rough seas where I fell overboard. I couldn't swim, but luckily a line was trailing behing the ship, I was able to grab the line and pull myself back on board, but just before I hauled me carcass out of the water, a shark bit me leff off just above the knee."
"How dreadful! You poor dear, but how'd you lose your hand?"
"Well, luv, we was a pillaging and a plundering and I didn't see the scurvy dog who was a hiding amoungst the plunder until he jumped out with his sword and lopped off me hand. I skewer'd him with his own sword, but the damage was done."
"Oh, you poor, poor man! I almost can't ask, but I have to know, in what dreadful manner did you lose your eye?"
"Well, me lovely, I was walking along the dock, heading back to me ship when a seagull flew directly over me 'ead. I looked up ta watch him fly over just as 'e cut loose with a load that splatted right in me eye."
"Um, but while that's not pleasant, surely a little fecal matter wouldn't cause you to lose your eye."
"It was me first day wit me hook."
