Things I learned about diving from the movies.
GrierHPharmD
Heres my list of diving clichés from the movies. The first few were lifted from FilmCliches.com, but most are mine.
Please feel free to add to the list - these were just the first ones that came to mind.
All hero divers, no matter how deep they go, may stay down for as long as they want, never run out of air (unless it's part of the story), and come to the surface as fast as they can swim or be pulled without suffering any ill effects
When fighting under water, it is possible to hit someone really hard.
A fight will always end up in water, if any is available nearby.
Any movie in which someone is stranded (shipwreck, plane crash, etc.) near water will include a learning to fish scene.
Electricity will travel any distance through water to electrocute the villain, rather than go immediately to ground (e.g. a toaster tossed into the shallow end of a swimming pool will nail the bad guy over by the diving board).
Heroes' guns don't get wet, and even fire from underwater.
You can always kill any size or species of shark with your dive knife.
Sharks always make a few passes showing their dorsal fins before attacking.
A drop of blood in the ocean will always attract a school of hungry sharks.
Sharks are always hungry and always attack divers, especially in deep wrecks.
The best defense against a shark attack is to splash and beat the water. That will make them go away.
Regulators do magical things underwater sometimes the expert divers octopus will dangle, then magically appear in his/her keeper, then go back and forth between the two, with no help from the diver.
Shooting a scuba tank will kill even the most aggressively huge shark that has withstood all other conventional methods of attack.
Divers are always in peak physical condition. The men have tiny waists and huge pecs, while the women always look great in their wetsuit jackets and thong bottoms. Youll never see an out-of-shape diver on a cattle boat.
No matter what the emergency, if you put enough emotion into it, youll escape alive. Stress makes you think more clearly, have more strength, and use less air.
When you get out of a tricky situation underwater, the best thing to do is bolt for the surface. If you do it right, youll get there just as your tank/lungs are using their last bit of air. Unless you're a bad guy, you'll always do it right.
Women always wear front-zipping wetsuits halfway down to show their perfect cleavage. When they forget, they just wear white t-shirts with nothing underneath. All women divers have large breasts and long, shapely legs.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
Moray eels are bad mother*********s!
Sharks are even worse than eels!
Whenever you jump into the ocean, youll immediately be surrounded by schools of colorful reef fish. Youll also see some large ray or pelagic, have time to point it out to your buddy and share a smile.
Nobody ever has trouble equalizing ears or sinuses.
Nobody ever smokes on a dive boat
Nobody ever pukes on a dive boat (unless theyve just seen a half-eaten shark attack victim.
Divers always share a few after-dive beers when theyre back on the boat.
Climbing on board the dive boat is easy your equipment just disappears when you reach the ladder!
Current never makes returning to your boat difficult.
Visibility is always excellent. In fact, you can usually clearly see the bottom of your boat, even at depth!
Night dives are pretty scary. You can always be sure of encountering a threatening shark or deadly moray eel.
Nobody ever gets stung by a jellyfish, unless he puts them in his shorts as a prank.
In an emergency, a really good diver can free dive for up to ten minutes. It doesnt matter how much he exerts himself, he will have plenty of time to find the treasure/accident victim/atomic bomb, take care of the situation, and get to the surface by swimming easily. And hell never gasp for breath when he gets there.
Underwater bombs have convenient, waterproof computer interfaces. They always show the detonation countdown in big, easy-to-read letters.
You can always tell what species of shark attacked a person by a glance or two at the remains.
When you run out of air underwater, you can always find an air pocket in the wreck or cave youre exploring.
You never need to run any penetration line when exploring caves or wrecks. Youll be able to find your way out by the light from the portholes.
Wrecks always land right side up and are always intact. They never contain any silt or rust and never have any dangling cables. But they always have a few nasty sharks!
Like wrecks, caves never have silt-outs. But they always lead to interesting hideouts, ancient temples, and secret entrances to the villains palace.
Divers never pee in their wetsuits. (Actually, come to think of it, they never pee!)
Nobody ever gets hungry or thirsty (except for a post-dive beer) on a dive boat.
You can always find your dive boat when you surface itll be right beside you. (Unless, of course, youre doomed to drift for a day or two before being eaten by vicious sharks after dropping your dive knife!)
People who die from shark attacks usually have big, cookie-cutter injuries that take out chunks of flesh and bone.
You can always read the name of an underwater wreck. If you miss it, be sure to check out the captains logbook. Itll be sitting on a desk in the bridge.
Divers always carry spear guns, especially bad guy divers. But dont worry, bad guy divers are bad shots. Heroes, on the other hand, always get lethal hits on their first shots. And its a good thing, too. They never carry spare spears.
You never get cold underwater. When you get out of the water, you effortlessly slip off your wetsuit and shake your head to let it fall perfectly.
Dive boat captains are always either crusty seafarers willing to share their most private experiences of survival or theyre happy-go-lucky island guys.
GrierHPharmD
Heres my list of diving clichés from the movies. The first few were lifted from FilmCliches.com, but most are mine.
Please feel free to add to the list - these were just the first ones that came to mind.
All hero divers, no matter how deep they go, may stay down for as long as they want, never run out of air (unless it's part of the story), and come to the surface as fast as they can swim or be pulled without suffering any ill effects
When fighting under water, it is possible to hit someone really hard.
A fight will always end up in water, if any is available nearby.
Any movie in which someone is stranded (shipwreck, plane crash, etc.) near water will include a learning to fish scene.
Electricity will travel any distance through water to electrocute the villain, rather than go immediately to ground (e.g. a toaster tossed into the shallow end of a swimming pool will nail the bad guy over by the diving board).
Heroes' guns don't get wet, and even fire from underwater.
You can always kill any size or species of shark with your dive knife.
Sharks always make a few passes showing their dorsal fins before attacking.
A drop of blood in the ocean will always attract a school of hungry sharks.
Sharks are always hungry and always attack divers, especially in deep wrecks.
The best defense against a shark attack is to splash and beat the water. That will make them go away.
Regulators do magical things underwater sometimes the expert divers octopus will dangle, then magically appear in his/her keeper, then go back and forth between the two, with no help from the diver.
Shooting a scuba tank will kill even the most aggressively huge shark that has withstood all other conventional methods of attack.
Divers are always in peak physical condition. The men have tiny waists and huge pecs, while the women always look great in their wetsuit jackets and thong bottoms. Youll never see an out-of-shape diver on a cattle boat.
No matter what the emergency, if you put enough emotion into it, youll escape alive. Stress makes you think more clearly, have more strength, and use less air.
When you get out of a tricky situation underwater, the best thing to do is bolt for the surface. If you do it right, youll get there just as your tank/lungs are using their last bit of air. Unless you're a bad guy, you'll always do it right.
Women always wear front-zipping wetsuits halfway down to show their perfect cleavage. When they forget, they just wear white t-shirts with nothing underneath. All women divers have large breasts and long, shapely legs.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
Moray eels are bad mother*********s!
Sharks are even worse than eels!
Whenever you jump into the ocean, youll immediately be surrounded by schools of colorful reef fish. Youll also see some large ray or pelagic, have time to point it out to your buddy and share a smile.
Nobody ever has trouble equalizing ears or sinuses.
Nobody ever smokes on a dive boat
Nobody ever pukes on a dive boat (unless theyve just seen a half-eaten shark attack victim.
Divers always share a few after-dive beers when theyre back on the boat.
Climbing on board the dive boat is easy your equipment just disappears when you reach the ladder!
Current never makes returning to your boat difficult.
Visibility is always excellent. In fact, you can usually clearly see the bottom of your boat, even at depth!
Night dives are pretty scary. You can always be sure of encountering a threatening shark or deadly moray eel.
Nobody ever gets stung by a jellyfish, unless he puts them in his shorts as a prank.
In an emergency, a really good diver can free dive for up to ten minutes. It doesnt matter how much he exerts himself, he will have plenty of time to find the treasure/accident victim/atomic bomb, take care of the situation, and get to the surface by swimming easily. And hell never gasp for breath when he gets there.
Underwater bombs have convenient, waterproof computer interfaces. They always show the detonation countdown in big, easy-to-read letters.
You can always tell what species of shark attacked a person by a glance or two at the remains.
When you run out of air underwater, you can always find an air pocket in the wreck or cave youre exploring.
You never need to run any penetration line when exploring caves or wrecks. Youll be able to find your way out by the light from the portholes.
Wrecks always land right side up and are always intact. They never contain any silt or rust and never have any dangling cables. But they always have a few nasty sharks!
Like wrecks, caves never have silt-outs. But they always lead to interesting hideouts, ancient temples, and secret entrances to the villains palace.
Divers never pee in their wetsuits. (Actually, come to think of it, they never pee!)
Nobody ever gets hungry or thirsty (except for a post-dive beer) on a dive boat.
You can always find your dive boat when you surface itll be right beside you. (Unless, of course, youre doomed to drift for a day or two before being eaten by vicious sharks after dropping your dive knife!)
People who die from shark attacks usually have big, cookie-cutter injuries that take out chunks of flesh and bone.
You can always read the name of an underwater wreck. If you miss it, be sure to check out the captains logbook. Itll be sitting on a desk in the bridge.
Divers always carry spear guns, especially bad guy divers. But dont worry, bad guy divers are bad shots. Heroes, on the other hand, always get lethal hits on their first shots. And its a good thing, too. They never carry spare spears.
You never get cold underwater. When you get out of the water, you effortlessly slip off your wetsuit and shake your head to let it fall perfectly.
Dive boat captains are always either crusty seafarers willing to share their most private experiences of survival or theyre happy-go-lucky island guys.
