The funny thing about scuba is...

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So Dave an avid diver decided to buy an air compressor so he could save
money on his air fills, but being that compressors are so expensive he
decided to buy a surplus compressor from Algeria. The only problem was
that the instructions were in Sanskrit leading Dave to hook up the compressor
backwards. So instead of filling his tank Dave removed 3000 pounds
from it. Upon taking his first breath at the dive site he was immediately
sucked into the tank never to be found again, but rumor has it his wife is keeping
him on a lovely rack in the basement next to his compressor.

I was hesitant to post this earlier because I find it to be so inaccurate that it takes away from the joke, 3000 PSI Vacuum? Seriously! In a scuba divers joke, we all know better than that... :shakehead:
 
Several fishermen are sitting around the ol' potbelly stove one winter day, shooting the bull.

One of the fisherman says, "I was down on Table Rock Lake this fall, and I caught a 35 pound
Largemouth Bass. Took me 30 minutes to reel it in!

One diver pipes up, "That's nothing Last spring, I was down on Norfork Lake. I don't know how it got there
but I ran across an old Spanish Galion in about 80 feet of water, so well preserved that the candle in
one of the lanterns was still lit!

The fisherman says, "Ah, come on! Tell the truth about that Galion"!

The diver replies, "You get that largemouth down to size, and I'll go back down and blow out that candle"!
 
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat
in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI
instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine until
the boat springs a leak and starts to sink. The SSI instructor
says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean,
so we might as well do our deep dive." The NAUI instructor
says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our
navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim
towards shore." The PADI instructor says to his
students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck
dive!"
 
A man went to a doctor for a medical exam. After examining the man, the doctor proclaimed, “You’re in pretty good shape for a man of fifty.” “Did I say I was fifty?” the man replied. “I’m nearly sixty. Shell collecting keeps me fit and healthy. I do a lot of snorkeling and diving, and walk the beaches regularly. Cataloging my shells also exercises my mind.” The doctor replied, “Shell collecting may be a healthy activity, but your family’s genetic heritage probably has a lot to do with your helath. How old was your father when he died?” “Did I say my father was dead? He’s nearly eighty five and healthy as a horse. Of course, he’s a shell collector too. Spends plenty of time breathing the fresh air at the shore, gets plenty of exercise turning rocks and walking the beaches. It’s the shell collecting that keeps him healthy.” The doctor still wanted to make his point, and asked, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?” “Did I say my grandfather died? He's one hundred and five years old, but he's still active with his shell collecting. Of course, he’s had to cut back on SCUBA diving and lifting heavy rocks due to his age, but he still walks the beaches, breathing the fresh sea air and getting plenty of excercise. In fact, he just got married to a lovely young woman.” The doctor was astonished. “Your one hundred and five year old grandfather just got married!?! Why in this world would he want to get married at one hundred and five years old!?!” “Did I say he wanted to get married? . . .”
 
Why wasn't Susan afraid when she saw a shark while she was swimming in the water?
Because it was a man-eating shark!

HA HA HA, Oh these crack me up!
 
A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool.

The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give—-for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the person that pushed me in!"
 
Why do one dive with a dive knife? ?
To stab your buddy when a shark swims to you. .

Live to dive and Dive to live. . . . :burnout:
 

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