Sea stories, war tales, and other lies

[lonerider00]

Ok I think we need a place to share some annecdotes and stories. Us sailor types call these "sea stories" (don't know what you ground pounders call em, but you get what I'm talkin about). These stories are usually about 60% B, and 20% S, but It's still fun to hear 'em just the same.

*please remember: this is the internet!!!!!! do NOT discuss any sensitive and/or classified information, or current ship/troop movements. You may change the names/ places to protect the innocent/ guilty/ idiotic/ or incompetent!!!!!!!!

 

[lonerider00]

One thing that is burned into my mind forever is this one time, on the usetafish. we were on the surface, somewhere near the bahamas (dodging rain squals), I was up in the bridge, standing lookout, when the ood (an unnamed liutenant) told me that if anyone called up, I knew what to do. before I could reply, he unhooked his safety harness, climbed out of the pooka, and started walking to the back of the sail. When he got there he pulled his coveralls/ harness down, and dangled his danglies, removing a stack of chem-wipes from his pocket.
I was trying not to listen to him grunt for a few minuits when the bridge box crackled.
"bridge, controll, captain to the bridge."
I hear a muffled "******!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I acnowlege the call and crawl back into the small lookout pooka. When I get there I see Mr. ____ pinch it off, get dressed (without wiping... no time), and jump back down into his pooka just as the skipper stuck his head through the hatch. the skipper pulled out some cigars and passed them around. the 3 of us had a smoke and shot the bull for about 15 or 20 min. the whole time I was trying not to laugh because the look on the OOD's face said he wasn't done yet and he was wishing the capt. would go back below soon. sure enough, as soon as the capt. dropped through the hatch. the LT. was up and continuing to feed the fish.
It's like battle trauma, I can't get the image of him squating off the back of the sail out of my head (makes me want to puke!!!!!!!),