School violence

[Scubaguy62]

Scbababe and I had our first parental "close encounter" with school violence yesterday. A boy at our daughter's high school stabbed another boy five times with an 8 inch phillips screwdriver, over a cell phone. The victim suffered a punctured lung and massive blood loss, and it's currently in critical condition. This being our first experience of this kind, was quite disconcerting, although our daughter appears not to have been affected much by it. Of course we would hate for something like this to happen again, let alone to her, but what's the correct way to do it, metal detectors? Prohibit the kids from carrying cell phones? Ways of fostering better interracial interactions? Complaining to school and elected officials, or lobying, for better security? Is it impossible to monitor the activities of 2,600 students outside the classroom? We have parents who don't respect the right turn only sign during student drop off time, or who drop kids off on the street and leave them to cross in dangerous areas, so frankly, I'm not sure.

I'm aware that all we can do to guarantee her immediate protection is to trust in the values we've taught, and continue to teach her, but what's the long term anwer? This is her freshman year and last year, among 78 total cases of battery, fights, and threats, there was 1 instance of sexual assault at that school, which is a great concern to me because our daughter, although humble, pure, and very ladylike, is quite a beautiful princess. I just hope I won't ever have to forego my promise to my daughters and to scbababe of never seeing a prison cell from the inside, but if something of that sort happens to any of them, I may just have to plead temporary insanity.

I would appreciate anyone's thoughts on this.

 

[Ontario Diver]

1) Martial Arts. A good instructor builds not just the capacity for self defense but also the awareness and bearing not to need it. Also it is good exercise.

2) Make sure that she knows that she is loved and trusted. The confidence of parents keeps more kids out of trouble than anything else.

3) Talk to her about it. Ignoring the issue won't make it go away. If you open the conversation then she will feel comfortable opening the next one. I don't believe that she wasn't affected, she probably just isn't expressing it to you.

4) Convent school - just joking.

My little girl is six.

 

[MikeFerrara]

Sorry to hear this and I'm glad your daughter isn't too upset. I would caution though that they claim sometimes they are and it just doesn't show for a while.

I know how you feel. When my son was small a janitor at a day camp run by the village went nuts and held him with a knife to his throat. They arrested, charged and convicted him but believe it or not there was no jail time.

I think times have changed. When I was in school there was always fighting. I was small and had to fight often. The difference was no one was ever shot or stabbed. We faught with fists. I hate to say it and I know that many will disagree but I almost think that part of the problem is that we try too hard to stop kids from fighting. In todays world, me and every one I went to school with would be serving prison terms for battery. Then? No one even payed attention. They knew that boys fight. We'd meet after school, punch each other out and go play ball. Boys preparing for manhood by learning and playing at battle is natural. Men have to learn battle. When we grow out of fist fights we have jobs where we battle...more brutally than a fist fight too. I don't think kids are learning to deal with these things because they are forbiden.

I'm not a doctor or anything so I don't know how scientifically valid my ideas are but like I say...we faught all the time but without shooting and stabbing. today we raise sissies and punish severely for violence but we have shootings instead of fist fights.

 

[oversea]

It's too late for kids of these generations. Hopefully future generations of kids can be helped. I firmly believe it is in their upbringing. I grew up with a fear of my parents wrath. Thats not to say I was abused, but I know who was boss and always new the first consequence was my parents wrath. Nowadays kids know that parents really can't do anything to repremand their kids. I've heard elementary age kids threatening a call to CPS. Who puts this in their heads? Who's in charge? I understand there are other issues in many situations that is the cause for violence, but I firmly believe the solution starts at home. I grew up just on the edge of the acceptability of beating (spanking) your kids. My *** was red more times than I can remember and I know it kept me from trouble.

 

[Scubaguy62]

I agree that the solution starts at home, and believe me, we do everything within our power to ensure she lacks nothing. However, I believe there is something that can be done. The question is, are we as adults willing to pay the price for what needs to be done to ensure our kids safety? Somehow I think the measures to correct this flaw in the system are going to be a lot more harsh than we'd like to entertain. Oh and BTW, my parents used to make me go out and cut my own switch...talk about spare the rod, spoil the child.....

 

[bwerb]

Two words...home schooling.

Not only will they not have to worry about assault over cellphones, they will also more than likely way, way outperform their peers academically. There are phenomenal home school resources available and no...they don't become socially inept, more often then not, they actually end-up significantly more well adjusted and self confident.

 

[baitedstorm]

Rick,
I'm so glad to here your daughter is ok. Just yesterday Darrel arrested three kids (12 years olds) for holding another student down n the boys bathroom and stealing his money (strong armed robbery). Darrel was angry because one of the boys was laughing in the back of the patrol car on the ride to jail. When that childs parent got to DYS, she couldn't believe her child was arrested for such pettines. Clearly this parent should have their reproduction abilities revoked. I'm very afraid for my childrens safety too, and this is a little town here.

 

[baltimoron]

well- you all need a different Point of Veiw on this.

Yeah- I live in Baltimore City- the city that had the highest rate of Juvenile violence and Juvenile Inmates for a couple years. Things suck in our schools, and I go to one of them. You gotta learn to hold your own. I guess Martial Arts would be good, but the whole thing is that If you look like you can hold your own, and that you are going to kick the unlucky person's *** that comes across your path, you wont get hurt.

I have gotten hurt. I was coming home from school, and two kids (no wonder they came from Poly, our biggest rival school) broke my shin with a wrench and took my backpack (My backpack?!!? Why?!?! hahahahah there was nothing in there!!) do you get scared? no!

we do have mesh backpacks, which I guess do help a bit, and we do have school cops, but I think metal detectors are just too much of a nuisance. Race RElations is stupid, that's not going to help at all. maybe cell phones, but you can't be laxed about it. At all- if you see a cell phone in school, you confiscate it for the rest of the year.

Just- make sure your daughter can look after herself. Don't make her vulnerable. That's what you can do.

Any QUestions? I feel I am prepared to answer them.

 

[Scubaguy62]

Ontario Diver, I agree with you regarding martial arts. Both scbababe and our oldest studied some. There is, however, one drawback; in our litigious society, while martial arts would serve as a means of self defense, the "victim" who uses martial arts to defend him/herself could be accused of an aggravated battery by mere virtue of their training. Also, the parents of a minor could face great liability if their child was to kick the everlasting **** of some bully, or aggressor. So we're in another paradox there.

bwerb, our daughter is in an IB league program at her high school...don't think home schooling can do better than that. Equal, perhaps, but not better. Besides, I suck at math

Vicky, Mike, thanks for the wishes. Believe it or not, Vickie, Angie wanted to become a cop some time ago. I'm glad she desisted from that idea!!! Had she gone through Darrel's experience, she'd be talking to IAD... LOL

 

[Northeastwrecks]

I'm glad to hear that your daughter is OK.

This is the kind of thing that worries me. My daughter is only two years old, so I've got a few years to go. However, like Mike Ferrara, I remember the fights that occurred on a regular basis in my school. No one had knives or guns. We fought with fists, and people got hurt, but they were in school the next day.

Whether you choose martial arts training or not, some form of self defense class would be in order. The course should teach situational awareness, means of defusing a conflict, ego management, stress management, the proper means to defend yourself if none of the other methods work and what to do after an incident. The conflict management techniques are particularly important because they can eliminate the need to defend one's self in the first place.

Unfortunately, I'm sure that carrying a defensive spray is not allowed. However, could your daughter carry a small airhorn or other auditory signalling device? The device should be loud enough to stun an attacker and alert people, yet relatively inconspicuous.

If it is permitted under your school's rules, I'd also consider a defensive light. A company called Sure Fire makes a nice pocket light that is small, yet bright enough to stun an attacker if it is shined into his eyes. In addition, some Sure Fire models have a bezel that is designed to fend off an attacker.

A cell phone is also critical. An emergency number should be set as a speed dial. That way, if she finds herself in a situation, she can hit one number and call in the Clans.

It is important that she understand that she MUST react if she even perceives a hint of a threat. The sixth sense that something is wrong is often ignored. Unfortunately, that is often a huge mistake. Of course, she should also tell you.

The appropriate reaction varies with the situation. At a minimum, she should learn to avoid the situation in the first place, such as by walking across the street or corridor. If avoidance is not possible, and an attack appears imminent, she should make as much noise as possible. Scream, yell, do whatever it takes to draw attention to the situation. Some instructors tell their students to yell "Fire" instead of "Help" because people are more likely to respond. Regardless, she should practice using a command voice and directing the perpetrators to withdraw. If they try to take her with them, kick, scratch, bite and do whatever else is necessary to avoid being taken. Remember that the eyes and genitals are a great target.

I read a book during my firearms training called "The Gift of Fear". It is available on Amazon.com. It helps people understand what that sixth sense is telling them and how to deal with it. I highly recommend it.

Good luck.