Potential HUGE problem

[Diverchik]

Ok, so me hubby and 14 year old daughter got cert. 2 years ago, dove a bit then stopped. Recently resumed diving --daughter even got to dive Kwajalein for six weeks with relatives. In that time hubby and I have racked up quite a few dives ourselves.
Semi uneventful...he ran out of air once, my reg broke and I went no air - we handled them beautifully.
Daughter comes back we all resume diving and I am a freakin WRECK in the water - cant take my eyes of my daughter, I near panic when she pulls her reg out and adjusts it, she waves me off like I am whacko (which I must appear to be) I can't let her two feet away from me.
I KNOW she is a good, calm, relaxed diver --BUT I am surely going to ruin diving for all of us if I can't get my brain under control.........HELP
We are diving again next week and I am seriously thinking of taking anti anxiety drugs.

 

[AbyssalPlains]

Have you thought about buddying up with somebody else and let your hubby and your daughter dive as buddies? I'm sure it would be hard at first, but think about it as if some divemaster made you dive with a different buddy, look at it as something you don't have any say in. You could just give it a shot and see how that goes. I don't think drugs are the solution. You have no way of knowing how they affect you underwater and they may render you a potentially unsafe buddy, which would help neither your daughter nor your hubby. Not sure if this helps at all, just an idea.

Btw, care to share what happened when your reg broke? Which part(s)?

 

[spectrum]

Diverchik,
I unfortnately don't share the honor (or horror) of one of our daughters joining us in the sport, yet. For a lot of input on your topic fast search this forum and the womans forum where I have seen the topic in the past.

Good luck,
Pete

 

[Blackwood]

I doubt drugs will overcome your parental instincts.

Sadly, I agree with the suggestion that you avoid diving with your daughter.

 

[nereas]

Ok, so me hubby and 14 year old daughter got cert. 2 years ago, dove a bit then stopped. Recently resumed diving --daughter even got to dive Kwajalein for six weeks with relatives. In that time hubby and I have racked up quite a few dives ourselves.
Semi uneventful...he ran out of air once, my reg broke and I went no air - we handled them beautifully.
Daughter comes back we all resume diving and I am a freakin WRECK in the water - cant take my eyes of my daughter, I near panic when she pulls her reg out and adjusts it, she waves me off like I am whacko (which I must appear to be) I can't let her two feet away from me.
I KNOW she is a good, calm, relaxed diver --BUT I am surely going to ruin diving for all of us if I can't get my brain under control.........HELP
We are diving again next week and I am seriously thinking of taking anti anxiety drugs.

Overly Protective Parent, a gene on the X chromosome. Mom's get 2 of them so its doubled.

 

[nereas]

I doubt drugs will overcome your parental instincts.

Sadly, I agree with the suggestion that you avoid diving with your daughter.

Plus, you should not drug yourself before you go scuba diving. An all around bad idea, whether alcohol based or prescription based.

 

[ClayJar]

Maybe you could hire a DM or instructor (just someone you inherently see as competent and responsible) to dive with her, while you buddied up with your hubby. With a "pro" watching her like a hawk, you could work toward relaxing while diving with her. If she's good, she'll just have a great time diving, and the pro won't do anything but be a buddy and get a fun dive, but the monster in your head will be pacified.

You need to dive near her but not buddied with her. Seeing her dive while having someone responsible (who is a better diver than you) protecting her might be enough to calm you down until you can implicitly accept her as a diver. Then you'll be able to dive with her as just her somewhat-more-attentive-than-usual buddy.


(Of course, I have no kids. Still, I do come from a big family, and I've seen *many* types, so I might not be *totally* full of it. I've had the honor of being the responsible party to help several parents begin learning how to cope, but of course, it's not a bad thing if they're *never* going to be lax in their buddy checks. )

 

[Gary D.]

If's she's 16 now I'd guess she might have her drivers license. If that's the case I'd worry about her driving and not her diving. You're in much more danger getting to the dive than on the dive itself.

Gary D.

 

[Teamcasa]

Diverchik,
It’s a natural reaction. I was extremely concerned about my lovely brides first dives as well. It was difficult to watch her struggle learning new skills. Now, after almost 40 dives I don’t fret - as much. Just dive with your daughter more often, let her get used to your hovering as you gain confidence in her abilities. It won’t take to many dives before you can relax and enjoy the precious time you have together.

Dave

 

[rhlee]

I don't mean to suggest to simply throw training at the problem, but if you are all at a point in your diving where you are ready for it, it may be worthwhile to consider a good rescue course. This might help in a couple of ways,

1) it might show you that your daughter is quite capable of performing complicated tasks under pressure (such as effecting a rescue/assist) while cognizant of her own safety

2) it might get you tuned into buddy awareness to recognize what is a problem and what is not ("she pulls her reg out and adjusts it")

Ultimately, I think the goal should be to get to a mental place where she is just as accountable for your safety as you are for hers, whereas from what you write, it sounds like you're playing the protective one (understandably).