brizzolatti
It's my turn to be sexist--after your remark about my first aid kit and it's...ahem...unusual contents.
The Rules -- This Time By Men
(Please note .. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither
do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's
Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the heck they're
saying anyway.)
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the
quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
Hey, pass this on to Dee
Larry Stein
