Non-diving spouses

[AzAtty]

Simple steps for living with a NDSO (non-diving significant other)

1. Lie. A lot.
2. Have a secret bank account (see #1)
3. Plan trips early and give her plenty of notice. Make sure the money is non-refundable (see #1).
4. Let her plan every other non-diving excursion. Don't complain about the cost (see #1)
5. Express gratitude that she is sooo understanding about your hobby. Every day (see #1).

Or, the much easier way: kick him/her to the curb and post a profile on a single diver site.

 

[Aardvark]

I'd be putting my foot down at anything north or east of, say, Barcelona over Christmas.

Compromises are part of any relationship, take the trip to EE when it's a bit warmer and extend it by heading to Croatia for some diving. If what she really NEEDS is to see european churches in the crisp snow at Christmas then suck it up if the relationship is important to you; make sure you get quid pro quo when it's time to head on your dive holiday.

Separate holidays works for my wife and I. Some holidays are together, some are separate as we like different things. Gives us more to talk about when we're together.

Alternately: run like the wind!

 

[trucker girl]

Though I see a few people whose spouses do not allow them to dive often (or do other hobbies that they are not interested in) as they want to spend all their time together, and won't compromise at all. I'd get rid of someone like that pretty quick... Not just because I'd be missing out on diving, but more that it shows that they are not willing to work things out at all, relationships shouldn't be about one person's needs only...

Exactly. There has to be give and take. It can't be a matter of a non-diving spouse allowing you to dive (or not allowing you). It has to be respect that you have things you want to do that she doesn't want to do and that's cool. But if there's no respect, it can't work.

Just bear in mind that if you hang with miss wrong, there is little opportunity for Miss Right to come along. Bail now and save the pain of putting it off.

Very, very well said. The non-diving isn't the issue- clearly, there are plenty of us who deal with that successfully. But if there are deeper control issues going on, that's a problem. Only you can know that since none of us (probably) know the situation.

 

[snepdiver]

My non-diving wife and I have a simple solution. I dive, She shops. Just have to make sure we have the funds to cover both or no diving for me. But I too dive locally.

 

[themagni]

My non-diving wife and I have a simple solution. I dive, She shops. Just have to make sure we have the funds to cover both or no diving for me. But I too dive locally.

My wife and I have the same financial M.A.D. policy. I don't go crazy with the dive gear, she doesn't go crazy with her stuff. Otherwise, we both end up unable to pay our share of the expenses. The bills are split in half, and we each have separate bank accounts. It works very well.

She went to Vegas. I bought a WTX. We both win.

I dive locally, too. I've never been on a dive vacation. She's going to Hawaii - without me! I did tell her that if she doesn't at least go snorkeling, then it's All Over.

Oh, this grammar is sub-par, but it's good enough for lunchtime.

 

[Cudabait]

sounds like you've got it wired... maybe i need a more tolerant girlfriend...

Whatever happened to dating? Man, when I lived in San Diego, there were many single female divers. Try the single divers thread. Maybe a different bike?

 

[Abidon]

I've had a couple of girlfriends that have been more than happy to go where I take them, only to hang out and enjoy the scenery. Maybe do a little snorkeling... We've done some 'non-diving' stuff and that has had a tendency to make them happy; all in all great trips.

However, now dating somebody that refuses STRIKE ONE! to go to these locations (we're not talking cold water/scary places; each one of these has been warm sunny and sandy) and instead wants to go look at churches in europe: eek! (apparently, not enough for her to do at these warm/sunny places). I've tried to work this out, apparently to no avail.STRIKE TWO! And there's no way in hell i'm flying to eastern europe on 12/24.

So yes, I've tried to work compromises with her, the results weren't good.STRIKE THREE! When I travel it's usually for a triathlon or diving. And, like most of the u/w junkies on this list, I can't give up the annual nitrogen overload pilgrimage to points unknown.

SHE'S OUT!!!

All kidding aside... if this is your situation during the dating phase, it will not get any better if the relationship becomes permanent. All the time you currently have for your hobbies will be cut significantly (that includes the weekend dives in SD). You have to decide for yourself what will be more important for you in the long run.

Luckily, my non-diving wife loves snorkeling in warm tropical locations. But even then, my dive opportunities will be much less than if she was a diver, too. If I could only get her over the fear of breathing underwater below 3 inches...

 

[Diver Lori]

The thing here is compromise, if your girlfriend isn't willing to compromise as you are, I figure your relationship is on borrowed time.

A good friend of mine isn't married anymore because his spouse did not support his interests, and even went so far to make it difficult for him to continue with them. Granted that wasn't the only cause of the split, but he does say it was a big factor.

 

[Kim22]

My boyfriend does not swim, much less dive. But he knows how much I love it, and completely supports me diving as long as I give him some time, too. For example, unless we are in the Keys, I do not dive both days of a weekend - I'll dive on Saturday or Sunday, and the other day is the day to do stuff with him. He plays golf, so we try to plan his golf outing/my diving on the same day, then we meet up afterwards. Or if we travel, we go to a place that has both so we both have a good time. That said, he loves riding out on the boats and chilling with the captain and crew while we divers are in the water. And I will sometimes drive his golf cart while he plays.

The point is that accommodations can be made on both sides if you really want the relationship to work. It sounds like maybe both of you are digging in your heels a bit. If you end up going on her trip in December, then your next trip together should be to somewhere warm and sunny with tropical drinks for her and diving for you...

 

[highlandfarmwv]

I take diving trips, my husband farms. Not perfect, but better than not diving. I learned to dive after being married 28 years! I'm heading to NC to dive for megaladon teeth next week and Aruba in Dec, Bonaire in March. He's taking care of all the animals while I'm gone!!