Non-diving spouses

[miketrance84]

I'm fortunate that my wife dives. She doesn't want to advance as far in the diving world as I, but loves taking photos. If diving is really important to you and she actually opposes you doing it for some reason, the relationship will never work. It all depends on how important diving is to you. If diving is something you truly love, you shouldn't have to justify it to anyone else.

 

[Sas]

Someone on this board formulized it quite well:

1 diving spouse + 1 non-diving spouse = 2 non-diving spice... (or was it spouses)?

Speak for yourself

My partner doesn't and won't dive ever (can't swim, hates fish, dislikes the ocean in general) and I spent one full day and night on the weekend diving, and one weeknight every week. That still leaves five days for me to see him so he doesn't mind at all With holidays, we usually do one together and one apart, works out well as I can spent one holiday on a dive trip and the other with him He often gets my tanks filled too for me during the week as he works from home and I can't get off work in time to go to the store for fills~~ I could see that he would find it annoying if I ignored him all the time to go diving but we make time for each other at other times so it works out well. The only problem is I'm kind of banned from showing him all my diving pictures now, which is fair enough as we usually take about 200 each dive and most are blurry He says 'pick the best 5 and leave it at that!' My buddy is in the same position as me (non-diving partner) but his wife doesn't mind him diving whenever as well. So there are understanding non-diving spouses around!

Though I see a few people whose spouses do not allow them to dive often (or do other hobbies that they are not interested in) as they want to spend all their time together, and won't compromise at all. I'd get rid of someone like that pretty quick... Not just because I'd be missing out on diving, but more that it shows that they are not willing to work things out at all, relationships shouldn't be about one person's needs only...

 

[swifttank]

I'm lucky enough that both the GF and I were raised in Florida. She loves sports (huge Gators/Buccaneers fan), beer, fishing, the ocean, sunbathing, but isn't really interested in diving. So we go out on the boat and she fishes while I dive. It works out great for the both of us. She can be a PITA sometimes, but she really makes up for it in the long run. She has no problems loading/unloading my gear from the boat, and picking/dropping my tanks at the shop I work at part time. She even cleaned my gear once.

I have to say I agree with most of the posts here, but I'm gonna put it out there: You have a boat, go on trips for marathons, and are straight up diesel *yes I'm comfortable with myself enough to compliment a guy* and you mean to tell me, you can't find a chick in Cali that has your main interests in common with you? Makes me appreciate my GF that much more.

 

[Merrimorte]

Hey all:

I'm sure that this question has probably been asked before but had a hard time searching for it. How do y'all handle a spouse/girlfriend that can't and won't dive?

I've had a couple of girlfriends that have been more than happy to go where I take them, only to hang out and enjoy the scenery. Maybe do a little snorkeling... We've done some 'non-diving' stuff and that has had a tendency to make them happy; all in all great trips.

However, now dating somebody that refuses to go to these locations (we're not talking cold water/scary places; each one of these has been warm sunny and sandy) and instead wants to go look at churches in europe: eek! (apparently, not enough for her to do at these warm/sunny places). I've tried to work this out, apparently to no avail. And there's no way in hell i'm flying to eastern europe on 12/24.

So yes, I've tried to work compromises with her, the results weren't good. When I travel it's usually for a triathlon or diving. And, like most of the u/w junkies on this list, I can't give up the annual nitrogen overload pilgrimage to points unknown.

So I guess my question here (several) might be: how do you work this? Do I need to kidnap her and wake her up with a margarita? Get a different girlfriend? Give up my dive trips? (it's only once per year). Decide that I need to sacrifice my annual pilgrimage in an effort to save my relationship?

I'd really love to hear what you guys (and gals) have to say on this subject. Horror stories, especially! Maybe we could get a poll going here...

Thanks in advance for your help; I look forward to your replies.

Erik

Ok Erik! first of.. I couldnt imagine having a non diving bf.. granted I havent one at all now. :>

Anyways, I would sugjest giving her things to do while you do your dives. Send her to a day spa or some girly thing like that for one day.

Plan a different activity for her each day you dive.
Spend the afternoon / early evening with her after your morning dives.
Have her do some research on the area and plan those afternoon/evening excursions.
Then meet up for a nice romantic dinner and some quiet time.

Use the first and last day of the trip to do things on the surface.. You cant dive the last day anyways due to the no fly issue. :>

Well, there's a few ideas anyways.

If you guys can't find some way to compromise.... and she really doesn't "get" the whole diving thing... I would look at finding a new gf! Sounds like if this is causing an issue, the may be other issues later that may not be worth it. Personally I can't stand to be around someone who tells me I can't dive. LOL I almost quit my job because of that.

Good luck.

 

[Twistedarts]

I'm with Hockeynut. The bottom line is that life is short, NEVER let anyone stand in the way of the things you want to do. This is why I have an ex-wife. My SO now is not a diver but allows me to be me and do what I enjoy. A luxury we afford each other. If there is no middle ground...
"run like the wind"

 

[highdesert]

Not trying to be facetious here ...

If diving is really important to you, to the extent that you need to determine if your love life needs to take a new direction, have you condisered this and other scuba forums as great places to look for a scuba-friendly significant other?

 

[Supershark]

Dump the girl go dive!

 

[SkipperJohn]

(sorry, slow day at work)

 

[HatchetJoe]

If you give up what you love to do for her the time will come when you start to resent her for it. The oposite in reverse also applies fro her side of things. being indirect and slirting around things with overt tactics is just too much effort. In the end nothing more positive than some memories will come out of this. Just bear in mind that if you hang with miss wrong, there is little opportunity for Miss Right to come along. Bail now and save the pain of putting it off.

 

[J.R.]

My wife didn't dive either... then we took a cruise with some friends. She went snorkeling with them... she wanted to take pictures of the pretty fish... (make sure she had one of those "insta"-matics... the kind with a one or two second delay between button push and picture taken...)...

... after discovering that she:

A: Kept floating to the surface while trying to get a shot
B: Only got picture of "fish butts" because they swim way while she waited for the camera
C: Couldn't get down to the REALLY good fish

... well... she's now AOW certified and a darn good dive-buddy...

... Plan 'B'... as Hockynut suggests... "Run like the wind"...