No fooling, there I was when....

[TexasMike]

Well, the Redneck diver thread probably has reached the top 5 popular threads. So let's see if we can start another one just as popular.....

Complete the phrase, "No sh-t, there I was when..."

Stories can be true or an outright fabrication. Bonus points awarded for outrageous humor, creativity, and "OH..My...GAWD!"'s as we read your post. Mega points for writing the story as if totally true and then hitting us with a good punch line.

I look forward to your entries.

 

[herman]

Mike, if you have not done so, go back and read this old thread, think you will enjoy it....I have been on this board toooo long... Scuba Board > General Scuba Discussions > Tell us your most embarassing bloopers?

Another way to it http://www.scubaboard.com/showthread.php?threadid=868

 

[TexasMike]

Judging by the low thread ID, this is an old one. I'll have to go read it....thanks!!!

 

[BetterLateThannever]

Herman,

that was the fun. Still LMAO.

 

[Fishkiller]

Ok your at your local lake with a group of divers doing their check out dives. The picnic/staging area is near where boats can beach. Knowing that the lake water is considered low visibility, so you warn the group to beware of the 'Canyon lake monster', To be on the lookout keep an eye on your buddy and not to be afraid if something brushes up against you stay calm.

When a mother of the two young boys in the paddle boat asks "What monster? are you talking about a giant catfish?"
You reply " Oh the really big catfish never come this shallow, besides the sun is out"
Your buddy replies "The alligator however doesn't care"
The instructor steps into the converstation and ads the history of the alligator farm up stream that "closed a few years ago after several 'gators got loose after a flood. While G&F are pretty sure that they caught them all, every summer some kids get bite marks on their legs"
by this time you have walked back to the table behind the tree chuckling to yourself. Soon the mother walks away towards the water calling her sons back to shore, yelling "Don't get in the water"

Now as the three of you are LYAO a student asks " your kidding about the alligator,right?"

 

[TwoBitTxn]

I was encouraged to tell this story a month or so ago. This is the full story on why I will not fly Bahamas air again. Let me preface this by saying I am an ex-EMT and my wife was 5 months pregnant at the time. Sorry if it gets long.....

The flight there...Ft. Lauderdale to Nassau..

The baggage compartment was over stuffed from baggage from the previous flight so most of our stuff had to catch teh next flight which was 11p that evening. Our flight was around 2p. It was still almost an hour late leaving. A hungry 5month pregnant woman is not a good thing.

The flight back.. We got to the air port an hour early (we were told we were supposed to be two hours early) and discovered the flight before ours was so badly over booked they were sending passengers all over the place trying to get them on other airlines. The next thing they told us was we had no plane. Yes we have no planes for your flight. We did talk to someone who flew Bahams air periodically who relayed another story of a flight she was an and the pilot refused to fly the plane. Ummmmm if the pilot won't fly the plane... should I really be on this plane? They did get a pilot... not another plane.
We did finally get on a plane. Our connecting flight to DFW was long gone so we went to the American ticket counter.
Ticket agent "where are your tickets? "
Me " Right there, thats what they gave me when they took my tickets "
Ticket agent "these aren't tickets where are your tickets"

This went back and forth until they finally found a supervisor who had been in the industry for about 20 years and recognised what had been done to me. He sent me on my way with something to give the gate agent. The gate agent then looked at what I had and proclaimed "I haven't seen one of these in 20 years" I learned... take the turbo prop.

I was on one side of the aise and my then really stressed wife was on the other when a couple sits down behind me. He obviously isn't feeling good, she is kinda babying him. I turned to my wife and said well we are on the plane she growels that we aren't in the air yet.
I begin to notice the panic level in the womans voice behind me starting to rise, I say one of those quick prayers of oh please no and turn around just in time to see the mans eyes roll back in his head. His wife panics.
I reach for a radial pulse and get nothing.... call buttons are chiming.... I start yelling for the SAD machine. (SemiAutomatedDefibrillator)The lead flight attendant who has the keys is in the back of the airplane which is now all of five feet from the jetway. I think it was an attendant who asked if there was a Dr. on board. The wife said yes and pointed at her unconsious husband and stated "he's a podiatrist!!" We were about to hook him up when he came back around, appearently he had blacked out and his blood pressure dropped low enough to not show a radial pulse. My mistake.. I should have reached for a carotid.. The parameds boarded... asked if he wanted to continue on... he said yes.... the rest of the plane said NO!!... he was unloaded.. and the pilot then announces.. "ladies and gents we sat on the ground idling too long... we gotta refuel. I guess it didn't matter. We were already an hour late leaving... whats ten minutes. We got home.. all my dive gear made it home.. and we have a beautiful 2yo girl.

Yall becareful

Tom

 

[CD_in_Chitown]

My uncle's story really, who learned to dive in the mid '70s in Oklahoma. After the class he was so pumped to go diving in the ocean he could barely contain himself.

He packed up the wife and kids and drove all the way to Key Largo to catch a boat out to Pennekamp. Got on board trying to look the part of a capable diver with his new Aqua-Lung gear, and the self-inflating horse collar. Well he admits to being nervous on the ride out, fidgeting with his gear some. He finally gets his hand on the inflator cord as the boat is approaching the mooring buoy, and POP inflates the collar around his neck.

DM didn't miss a beat as he had just started assigning buddies, says "Who wants to dive with this guy?"

 

[Cactusdiver1]

"No sh-t, there I was when..."

In July my wife & I were diving in Fiji and signed up for the "Big Fish Encounter" (aka Feed the fish & attract the sharks time).

The rules were simple: everybody drops down to 110' and kneels along a wall. no pointing or extending any extremities you wished to keep. My wife was getting over a reverse block in her ear and had trouble equalizing so we were the last ones down. After a few minutes my wife signaled that she needed to surface, her ear was giving her problems.

We signaled to the dive master who was aware she was having problems and rose to 65' and held on to the anchor line. Since visibility was 100+ we could still see the action..and more.

You see..everybody was so focused looking forward as the fish feeding frenzy started..nobody ever looked behind them. The sharks..(okay white tips etc) were checking out the "action" while swimming BEHIND the row of 35 or so divers.

If just one of them would have looked back, I'm sure the activity would have been even funnier. It was fun telling the divers when back on the boat what photo opportunities they missed just feet behind them. :wallpeek:

Just for added viewing pleasure..here is one of my photos from that dive:

 

[DEEPSEAWOLF]

---In bad bubba accent--- We wuz fishin at the waterin hole, cuz thats where tha fish is, and we found a big ole bag layin under the bridge. I tole Bubba ta git a stick an see what wuz in it, but he looked at me all stupid like and said, "wood dummy!" I said "what's in the bag idjit?" He said I ain't looked yet! ya told me ta git a stick first!
So bubba started pokin the bag and it MOVED! he said it MOVED!!!
I said shur it did stupid ya jest poked it with a stick SHEEEESH!!!
Open the bag and see whats in it, I said. So bubba looked in the bag and yelled. He dropped the stick and said, they's a body in duh bag!!! I said a what? He said, A body!" I says who is it?
He says, Ohn't know but it's dead! So I looked in the bag and said, Oh my Gawd, they's pieces in there! We called the Poh leece and they started laffin at us. Cain't figure why, they musta thought we was guilty. Bubba yelled at um saying, I jest FOUND the bag officer, I ain't the one who put it there.
They asked us ta come up to the car fer questionin and was asking stupid stuff like, how long we been fishin here. DUH, like since we wuz kids! When the loo tenint got there he looked in the bag and started laughin too. They told us we wuz free ta go, but we's afraid tey's gonna shoot us in the back or umthin,...
This was Soth Georgia after all.
We found out as we was leavin, they was a couple parts of a couple people in that bag! I think the cops knew em and didn't like em. It musta been a fam'ly killin! Bubba said they musta known who they wuz , cuz he heard them cops say it was a man And his Kins!

:wacko: