More for the pilots

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AzAtty

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Scuba Instructor
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Aviation Truisms

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Blue sea Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "uh oh..."

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan).

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.

"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320).

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if an air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.
 
When I was a younger soul I flew Remote Control Airplanes.
As I felt more and more confident with my abilities I would build and fly more expensive and much more time consuming (During the construction) planes.

One day I was flying one of my favorites and I drilled it about 12 inches into the ground. While walking back to the flight line with two arms full of pieces, I hear one of the old men of the group voice up
" Do you know what you did wrong?" he asked

" No what?" was my reply

" You got too close to the ground." he bellowed and laughed as he stepped into the Port-A-Potty next to the parking lot.

I Have A Truck
The Port-A-Potty has a big dent
The Old man has Blue Cloths.

I don't get mad....I don't get even.... I get Ahead.
 
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

I needed a good laugh today! A helicopter is only as safe as its mechanic is skilled. I'll pass this on to my buddies - I'm sure they'll love it.
 
Heard them all before, but they are still funny. Always remember, it is better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than in the air wishing you were on the ground.

That's for all of us chicken pilots out there.
 
Eep, thanks, I am about to marry a pilot. I will do my best not to let this stuff scare me. It's all in fun...it's all in fun...it's all in fun....ohmmmm.

I guess it's akin to us making jokes about being shark hors d'oevures, huh? :D
 
RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as
much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
 
Keep the greasy side down and the shiny side up. Now, kick the tires and light the fires, cause it's time to fly low, fly fast, and turn hard.

For inspiration:

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

John Gillespie Magee, Jr.
 
Sue,

You only have one choice. Get your pilot's license. Donna was a pilot before I ever met her. I always wanted to fly, but couldn't afford to until I graduated from College. Two pilots are safer than one. Get your license and then both of you should take a Cockpit Resource Management course. Besides, if you fly together, one of you can be under the hood practicing instruments and the other can be a safety pilot. Both of you can log time. Flying is a way of life, not a fad or a hobby. If your fiance is truly a pilot, then you will soon understand what I mean.
 

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