I don't know why I keep doing this.

[nyresq]

Gary, I speak as someone who has been there. Please take my words to heart, I know what you are going through and some counseling will help. I have had some mandated couselling (after 9/11) and I have also gone to voluntary sessions after particularly horrible incidents we've had. Trust me, it does make things better. you will never forget the faces and the names, but you can learn to deal with it easier. The nights filled with tears can go away, but first you have to go and talk to a post traumatic stress debriefing specialist. PST is something that can be treated days or years afterwards with great success.
Trust me on this one brother, it does work. I've been there and done that, had the tears and the anger, and even questioned why I do it... but with a little chat session with the right person, it goes away. not the faces or the names, just the emotions.
stay safe,
from a fellow PSD

 

[Drewpy]

My hat is off to ALL you guys!!

 

[ScottNY]

> PS: I wrote this last night and I am fine today. I just don't know why she has stuck with me all this time.

It's the weirdest thing isn't it? Why some calls stick in your mind and others are just another day in the life.

There's some things that I clearly understand. There are some images that are just extreme, and others that just sort of sit with you for unknown reasons. I'm not sure if it's just the state you happen to be in that particular day or some connection you personally find with a victim or an incident.

Some images, (e.g. 9/11)http://imageevent.com/scottsphotos/ncvacat911

... are just always going to flashback sometimes because they're just so different or especially terrible.

But like you experience with this one call, there are some others that aren't obvious to me. It'd be pointless to detail my few "sticky calls," but I wonder if anyone's ever studied this among EMS workers. Why some stick and not others? I'll tell you this, after almost 20 years doing volunteer EMS I can't tell you too many of the details of calls I've done in the past month. But I could tell you the vitals and other info about a few that are years old.

Why? Who knows.

Scott

 

[ScubaTexan]

As law enforcement officers, we are told to suck it up, we can't cry and we can't have emotions. I was even told that I couldn't get angered by what I saw (but I have case law that says I can). So we build this wall that is impenetrable but somehow, someway, a special case finds that small crack and makes us see that we are indeed still human (despite what we are told to be). If I didn't have some human feelings in all of this, I wouldn't be very good at what I did and do. It is a check and balance to make sure that we ourselves don't get lost in the fog

I'll take tears over ulcers any day...